so bummed out.
Taylor and his crew aren't getting to Boston until 4.
so i go to the baby shower and go up with Mommy, Maeve, Maura, and I guess now Bella - although I never really wanted her to come.
and then we will all just be there for the soundcheck and stuff.
disappointed.
so i really don't even get a birthday present out of that. that's just what we were going to do. so much for time with just me and Taylor. and i was all pumped because i would help the unload and hang out with them and help them get ready and stuff. now i'll probably just be standing awkwardly with my mom and sisters along with the 100 other girls who got VIP passes and get to come in at 4 as well. they were supposed to get there at 1 if i didn't mention that, and i was going to get there at the same time so i would have 3 hours of just hanging out.
seriously this sucks. now i have to get ready for the baby shower and i have no idea what to wear, i didn't think about this at all. whatever. i just want to go back to sleep. i'm not even excited for the concert anymore. trying hard not to cry because even though this is disappointed it's not worth crying over. especially since i don't know how it would have went if i got there early and i was nervous about it. and earlier i posted about how i should just do this - yeah that was my nervous anxiety self talking but i yelled at her and i was ready to go there by myself early. should have listened to my little nervous anxiety self.
i guess another reason why i really wanted to go because i wouldn't be seen as just one of the sisters. like i'm just clumped with "The Ronans." and i'm always more paranoid about what to say when my sisters and mom are around because they will remember and say later, "why did you say that?" i would like it if Taylor actually remember my first name. whatever. it doesn't matter. he is a big star now and what does he care about me? i have a boyfriend anyways, not that it matters that i've seen him over this vacation about as much as i've seen Taylor after this show. why the heck do i even like this kid Taylor so much anyways? why do i care? well i guess ask anyone why they like their favorite singer or actor or author or celebrity. this is normal right?
now i'm getting off topic. i'm still mad and upset. but i have to be happy and excited because i'm going to this baby shower. i guess at least i'll see my cousins. not that i'll really be able to talk to them because everyone else is going to want to be talking to them. now i need to shut up and just go get ready.