so I am exhausted but I couldn't fall asleep and it is really hot in here so I am now writing.

tomorrow is my last day of classes. that doesn't seem real and it hasn't sunk in that it isn't just my last day of classes, it could be my last day of classes ever. I still have a bunch more things to do this week so it isn't that real yet. and I am still worrying about a bunch of things. I haven't been able to take a second and breath and realize I am done with college. I did it. I got through all the work and stress and everything. ah crazy.

and the fact that I am moving to Ireland isn't real yet. but I am starting to worry about that stuff. like if my grandma will be okay health wise and if I am going to have to take care of her and be responsible for her and how that living situation will work. and that is going to go so much sooner than expected. and I have been running around trying to get my passport sorted out which still isn't even applied yet so I will probably be traveling without it which is kind of sad but at least I will have it eventually after I get there.

I am trying to enjoy myself and relax. yesterday I had a fun day with Michelle doing work in a coffee shop and revising my poems and then we went shopping and then to a jazz café with the boy she is dating and his friends (he has a girlfriend so it wasn't like a double date thing).

things with ellie and I are still kind of weird but they are okay so I am just trying to make it through without any blowups for the last three weeks we have together.

i'll be sad when counseling is done because I really like going and talking with Shannon.

I also had an adventure with hanson and Terrence to go to a poetry reading which was interesting. they are hilarious together, like an old married couple. but they both have other love interests than me which is good so I don't have to worry about that.

ah I can't wait to just be done. i'm so close. but then i'll wish I could come back to these days.

but cool maybe I can try to get some sleep now. and then have my last day of classes. go through the motions and routine again like I do, not realizing or comprehending that is the last time i'll do it.