I paid 20 dollars to go to spring concert stay for like an hour and half and leave right after the main act come on to come back to my room and cry.

I was not drunk enough to enjoy that. everyone was just dancing aka grinding up on either other and making out and pushing. and i just felt invisible. and then roxy was with mike and Amelie was with Isaac so i just felt so alone. and i am like what the hell. why do i not have a guy interested in me. i felt like crap. and when i came back even Emily Morrison had a guy. i literally just want someone interested. why does no one like me. i don't understand. am i not pretty? am i not nice? or have a good enough personality? like what is wrong with me? i honestly have not had a guy interested in me really since josh. except for Michele who was weird. and a guy i met on a dating app so obviously he was interested in only one thing. and i guy i met a bar who also wasn't really interested in me.

like i thought it was refreshing to meet dan but he hasn't opened my snaps or snapped back so he isn't actually interested in me and even if he is he is all the way in Atlanta so what is going to happen with that - nothing.

so i am literally sitting in my room by myself crying while the majority of campus is at spring concert having a fun time. and i am about to go watch the little rascals. i could go to sleep. but i am holding out hope that maybe someone will want to talk to me or hang out with me. i sent roxy away to go hang out with mike. she needs to spend more time with him. and i told Amelie go to follow Isaac as he went into the crowd because he needed her and he gets priority over her. so i walked back to my suite by myself following freaking Emily Morrison who was walking back with someone she was about to hook up with. so what the hell is wrong with me.

and i am about to stay up and keep checking my freaking phone to see if hanson or dan opened my snaps or gives a damn about me. even though i know they don't. so i really should just go to bed and give the fuck up. and marco obviously doesn't care about me either, he told me there was someone else he was interested in at babson but he wouldn't tell me who and then he left and then when he saw me later he just took my hat and left again so it obviously isn't me because then he would have spent time with me and tried to hang out with me more.

so i just suck basically. i really should just go to bed and not watch little rascals even though i kind of want to because i know that if i stay up ill just continue the pity party for myself. which is stupid. i had enough alcohol to make all my true depressing feelings towards myself come out but not enough alcohol to enjoy myself and not care that i'm a fucking fifth wheel and no one likes me.

fuck me. not actually, please can someone fuck me.