it's nights like this when i want to leave even more.

nothing bad is happening. i'm just extremely tired. my sisters are annoying me and i'm sort of done with them. lori brogle is going and making me feel bad but she isn't leaving. i just want to go to sleep. i can't. i need to eat dinner and do these stupid movies for my father.

kafgjl

heyy. so i am going to regionals tomorrow. and i'm worried. nervous. i don't really want to go. but i'm going to go and get swept up into the showing atmosphere for the day. woohoo! regionals is what i have been working so hard to get to. and here i am. yippee.

sarcasm doesn't really work when you are writing. i make it work. i'm sure you can hear me saying that out loud. at least i hope you can. when i write that is what i want. i want you to hear my character's voice talking out loud to you, like you can hear her voice or even his voice. hopefully i did that well enough that i will make it to the next round in that contest. i'll find out in march.

i don't have much to say. i am just going one day at a time. one day. and before you know it i'll be out of this town.

PROOF!

i forgot that i wanted to include proof in that last post. well here it is. i'm at the top of the page! XDDDD

ahhh. ahhh. i still don't believe this.

think for a second. if i made it to the top 1,000 at age 15 - what will i be able to do when i get older?

AAAHHHHHHHHH!

i have just been reassured that i must either 1) have good ideas for stories 2) be very convincing 3) be good at writing pitches cause...

I'M IN THE TOP 1,000! I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST ROUND! AHHHHHH!

in case you are wondering how it works. we summit a pitch, the first 5,000 words, and then the full manuscript. there are two categories, adult fiction and young adult fiction. the judges read through all the pitches, the pitches only, and they pick the top 1,000 from the adult category and the top 1,000 from the young adult category.

THEY PICKED ME!

in case you are wondering what a pitch is, in this case it is 500 words to get the judges to like you. here is mine. actually i changed it a little bit cause this one is two words over but i can't get the actual pitch i entered. this is close enough.

Desiree already has the responsibility of being the oldest child in the house now that her older sisters are at college. With a mother who doesn't like to be home and a father that spends more time with his coworkers than his family 17-year-old Desiree feels more like a mother than a teenager. Some days it seems like her three younger adopted siblings are the only people who keep her sane.

When her father tells her she is going to be helping him coach an indoor soccer team made up of junior boys from her school, Desiree is completely bewildered. Does he really expect her, a girl who has only dreamed of playing on soccer team, to be able to coach a team of rowdy boys? And how does he think he will be able to make it to practices when he doesn't even make it to dinner? Not to mention, what will the boys think? Desiree will have to discover her strengths and weaknesses the hard way, through trial and error and coaching.

Things go bad from the start. First her uncommitted dad doesn't show up for practice. Next a few of the opinionated boys leave practice and don't show up for the game. How is Desiree supposed to coach a winning team when her dad deserted her and she doesn't even have a full team? Not to mention all the extra attention she has been getting at school is freaking her out.

COACHING is a novel that provides a look into a teenage girl’s thoughts and struggles as she tries to come to terms with her father, her team, and herself. Coming from a teenager's point of view this story nails exactly how young adults act relating to readers. Readers will be drawn into this conflict of teenage life.

while this is a big deal i don't know how many people actually entered into the contest. maybe there was 1,000 or maybe there was less. i have no idea. i just tried counting all the entries. i got a little under a 1,000. i probably just didn't count right. i give up. but still. i wasn't expecting to make it at all. i'm excited. but also there are 999 stories that could be better than mine but hey at least i'm in the top 1,000. i'm not expecting to make it much farther but ahhh! woooo! adkjdkfads;l! i can't believe it! i can not believe it! wooooooo!

who needs high school when i can just be a teenage author making millions?

pain is weakness leaving the body.

i'm in a lot of pain right now. my elbow hurts. my back hurts. my neck hurts. if i don't move it's alright. i fell off my horse yesterday. he was being a jerk and i fell off. i don't feel like explaining it all. but basically i have a big huge bruise on my elbow. it's pretty. purple and such. i'm sort of glad i have something to show for it though. i should talk more about that since it was sort of a traumatic event because it was the first time i fell off him and then after i fell off Taylor, who is my age, got on him and managed to make him behave. but Taylor has also been riding a lot longer than i have. whatever. don't feel like talking about it. mostly because i'm already done and over with it.

i'm done with high school too. like i can't wait for college. i know that is probably a bad thing to say, i should be enjoying high school, yeahhhhh no. i'm sick of all the people, students and teacher. i'm sick of the same old typical schedule. the only class i look forward to is art class because Mr. Smith is my teacher. i don't have any great great teachers this year and i don't have any great great classes. and honestly all i'm doing is getting myself ready for college. i'm taking classes because colleges will like to see them and they will prepare me for them. i'm ready for a new set of teachers, kids, and just something different. i've been in this school for almost four years now. i'm ready. i've been looking at colleges. i want to go to a college fair in a few weekends.

yeah now i have to do homework because no matter how much i don't want to be in high school i am still am and if i want to get into the college i want to then i have to do my homework. yippee.

i wanted to sing during gym class today.

we were in the fitness room and i was listening to my ipod. i really wanted to start singing. but i didn't. god forbid if i started singing. well you know how i like to think "what if" and make up a whole story. so my little story that i had was that i would ask the whole gym class if it was okay with them if i sang. then i would ask if they would rather listen to the music too or just to my singing. then i would just sing and they would look at me strange, smile, and laugh but i would just keep on singing confidently while walking on the treadmill. i would act out some of the songs and maybe some people would sing a long with me.

why don't i do that? or what didn't i do that? to answer the second question first - i didn't think of actually singing in gym class until i was on the bus later, i never think of the good stuff while i can actually do it. but now the first question: why don't i do that? well i could but most likely i will not. next time we're in the fitness room i will probably think about it but then get really nervous and i won't do it. for me to pull that off i need to be confident. maybe if Abby was in the gym class with me i would but i don't have anyone unfortunately so i would have to do it on my own. i don't have the kind of confidence. maybe i would surprise myself. but i don't surprise myself, ever. i have myself in this sort of coffin that i can't break free from. or like i'm trapped inside a doll that everyone else sees me as, and what i see me as. oooo. i like that. and this doll is what everyone sees while the real me is hiding inside, and i keep pushing her down and telling her she doesn't exist. maybe one day she will break free.

but i do like the fitness room even though i don't sing. mostly because i get to act like a creeper without anyone knowing. hahaha. that sounds sort of bad but you know what i'm talking about. in our fitness room there is cardio on one side of the room and the weights on the other side so there is an aisle way in between. well the cardio faces the weights and the weights face the wall. but the wall isn't really a wall it's a really big mirror. so while you are there riding your bike or walking on the treadmill you are facing the mirrors and the weights so you can see everything, you can even look at the person next to you just by looking in the mirror. so while i'm walking around i watch everyone. people watching isn't that bad. especially when there are some good looking people to watch. like Paul who i think is very good looking. but he doesn't have very good taste in girls - i mean Marianne? but i won't start smashing her. also Tyler Z is cute. that is pretty much it for good looking guys i think. but hey two is better than none. if Matt Cabral wasn't there i would be happier. actually not really, i don't really like him but i don't mind him. if the two girls doing yoga on the floor in front of me weren't there then i would be happier.

i think that is all i have to say. i could talk about riding but i don't want to. i don't have my lesson until tomorrow so i won't think about it until tomorrow.

yippee!

i'm reading a very good book. i like this author's style. it's called Get Well Soon by Julie Halpern. i wrote about her most recent book, Into the Wild Nerd Wonder, before because that was also wonderful. they are two completely different books but i just love her style. the style i really like. it's different than Sarah Dessen's style which i also like. i think my style is closer to Julie's. and i'm following Julie's blog. i like reading her posts. i think that is all. i'm going to go read now.

so i'm cleaning out my room cause it is full with stuff i don't use and want. and i found this book called Astonish Yourself! 10 Experiments in the Philosophy of Everyday Life by Roger-Pol Droit

i wish i could post all the experiments in here but that would take forever. but listen to this: "...the strangeness of this name that is so familiar, but which you can never use to address yourself without feeling you're someone else. Only other people call you this; you don't, normally, ever call yourself". this is in an experiment where you "call yourself". you are in an empty room where you can't hear anything or one and no one can hear you. then you repeat your name over and over again like you are calling someone. you do it for like 20 minutes. you feel like you are being called by someone but you don't know who but you also feel like you are calling someone you don't know where they are or who they are. cool huh?

this one is really cool. i makes you think. i'm going to try to type all of it up. it's long.

"It's one of the the terms you employ most frequently. During the day, the word "I" crops up in nearly all your sentences. Since your tenderest childhood you have ceased referring to yourself by your own first name. "I" has become the word by which you express your desires, disappointments, projects, hopes, acts of all kinds, physical sensations, illnesses, pleasures, plans, resentment, tenderness, your weakness for vanilla, and your aversion to fennel. For a long, long time you have linked this tiny word to your mulifarious mental states. It is intimately involved in your feels and your memories. Apparently, nothing is possile without it. it is there in all your stories and all your judgments. Not a single decision, not the slightest rumination escapes it.

"The curious thing is: everyone uses the same word. The most irreducible intimacy, the most singular existance, for each one of us, is linked to a word that we neither chose nor coined, and that everyone else employs in exactly the same was. A pronoun in the language. There's nothing less personal that this "personal" pronoun. The particular existence it refers to remains, linguistically speaking, completely interchangeable. It could be anyone who says 'I'm happy' or 'I'm sad'. All of us, in all our difference, refer to ourselves by exactly the same word as everyone else. A most paradoxical situation. But you don't think about it, and nor does anyone else, of course. You have enough to do without worrying in your head about questions of that order.

"And yet, try to pin down this "I." Does it exist? How can you find it? What does it look like" If you apply yourself to asking these questions, an trying to resolve them, you'll find that this "I" is neither simple to localize nor to authenticate.

"This is not a brief experiment, whose limits are easy to circumscribe. it can come to seem, on the contrary, like a long pursuit. You need time, different occasions, a certain application, and stubborness. So where is this blindingly obvious "I?" You will seek for a long time, in differnet places and under different aspects. And there is a strong chance that, at the end of it all, you'll return somewhat at a loss. Which i where things start to get interesting.

"Among the avenues of inquiry you might like to pursue, it's worth remembering the existence of the body. Is not this "I," which is both individual and yet assimilable to others, in fact identical with the body that houses it, with its habits, its weaknesses, its vulnerabilities, and its particularities? But there's no trace of an "I" in your body. Not one of your cells lives longer than ten years. No part of your body has persisted unchanged. So what will you address as "I?" The form? The ensemble? The general organization? There remains, famously, the phenomenon of thought. All may change, but not your memories, not your sense of remaining unchanged despite corporeal alternations. But even here, you cannot put your finger on an "I." All you will ever discover are thoughts, sequences of thoughts, memories, associations of ideas, desires - all of them pressed into service by what you call your "I."

"To all these sensations, to all these mental events, the "I" seems to provide a common denomination. But it neither supports nor drives them. It merely imparts to them something like a family resemblance, a shared aspect to what are very diverse notions and feelings - something like a color or an odor. A way of seeming, a style. Nothing more. "I" is not a someone or a something. And yet neither i it just a word. It must refrain of the self, a secondary quality, at one remove.

"If you manage to carry the experiment thus far, you will need to know what to do about this sensation. What impact will this impossible discover about your "I" have upon your existence? How will you cope once your "I" has gone missing? This is another story."

truthfully that was really boring and i didn't follow it all. but it is a very cool idea to think about. my arms are tired. so i'm going to continue thinking and cleaning.

if you are wondering how long that took for me to write i don't know. it's 5:25 now. what time does it say i posted this at?

i wish you could see me now. i'm in a room that is growing darker because the sun is going down. i need to turn on the lights. the room is a mess. my hair is a mess. i am wearing a t-shirt my father got me and some skinny jeans that are probably too small for me. i have a little bag thing over my shoulder because while cleaning out my closet i found it and put it on. i haven't taken it off. i'm have my headphones in and i am listening to music. i am feeling bad for myself because on the friday night of vacation i'm not doing anything. i have less than three days until i go back to school and the biggest excitement i have planned is cleaning my room. nothing else. too bad i don't have friends to hang out with. too bad i'm me. too bad i should STOP COMPLAINING like Maeve told me in the car the other day. too bad i wish i wasn't a teenager. too bad i wish i would stop wishing. too bad i want to stop thinking. too bad i'm saying too bad too much. shut up and suck it up.

i'm pretty sure i should be writing a blog right now. but i don't want to. mostly because i am feeling so many different things right now i don't know where to start. so i'm just going to push all those feelings away. seee yaaa later. or not.

don't you love it when the random person starts talking to you on facebook?

Mike

yo

8:39pmMolly

hi

8:39pmMike

sup?

8:39pmMolly

nothing really. you?

8:39pmMike

nm

how shit been havn't talked to u in forever

8:40pmMolly

i know, since sixth grade?

8:40pmMike

haha idk probly

8:42pmMike

u still at hampshire

?

8:42pmMolly

yepp. where are you now?

8:42pmMike

smith vocational

8:43pmMolly

do you like it there?

8:43pmMike

yeah it's awesome

9:27pmMike is offline.

not including this post i have 228 posts. that's a nice number.

i don't want to go to sleep because tomorrow i have to have my hour and a half long lesson. i don't want to. Carolyn is going to just yell at us and make me ride some horse I don't want to. maybe i'm exaggerating except for most of it. i am going to be riding tomorrow for an hour and a half and i am probably going to have a ride a horse i don't want to ride. i just want to ride my horse. that is why i got him. i don't want to switch horses.

i'm really tired though. but i don't want to go to sleep because then i'll have to wake up and then i'll have to have my lesson.

gah.

i like disney channel original movies. all those corny ones that everyone says sucks. they just don't like them because they can't realize that they want whatever happens in the movie to happen to them. like Starstruck, sure it wasn't the most original or the best made movie and it didn't have the best actors but i liked it. it was cute and i smiled through pretty much the whole thing. i covered my mouth with my blanket so my sisters wouldn't see how much i liked it. so there you go.

now i am really really tired so i'm going to go to sleep while listening to songs from Starstruck. thank you very much.

unmotivated.

that is how i feel right now. there is a big stone right in the center of my chest pulling me down. i can feel it. it is keeping me from doing anything. it doesn't want me to do anything. it wants me to be a lazy bum. and right now i'm listening to it. i don't want to anything. it is making me feel bad about myself. it is controlling me. i don't care right now. it's probably right.

multiple choice question: what describes February 14th the best?

A) Single Awareness Day B) the 14th day in the month of February C) Valentine's Day D) All of the above E) None of the above

don't you always hate it when you have the none of or all of option on multiple choice quizzes? me too. that is why i had to include both of them.

but anyways happy [fill in the blank with your choice] to you.

i'm not sure what to talk about but i'm sure i'll thank of something. i almost always do. how about i talk about how i went to the movies today at 4:10 with my family. guess what movie we saw? Tooth Fairy. it was one of those stupid Disney family comedy type movies. you know what i'm talking about. i'm pretty sure i was the only teenager in the theatre, everyone else was either a parent or a child. woohoo! yay for Valentine's Day! my mother offered to bring Maeve and I to a different movie while Maura and Daddy went to Tooth Fairy but honestly the only other movie i wanted to watch was Valentine's Day, yes it is a movie, but that would just be full of couples or groups of single friends. not families. i kind of wanted to see When in Rome too but that started a lot later and i didn't want to see it with my mother and sister, that is kind of awkward. anyways. i did see one other teenager who i believe was with his family but he disappeared so quickly i couldn't get a good look. his name is Tyler and he goes to my school. we have homeroom together and that's it. i think he is cute but hey i think a lot of guys are cute. he saw me with my family and the next time i looked he was gone. that is a minor detail i guess but now you know.

on Friday i thought i had a pretty awesome outfit. i was proud of myself for wearing it. i wore a typical white shirt with buttons that go down. you know what i'm talking about? it was a typical aeropostale tight white 3 quarter sleeve shirt that looks good with pretty much anything. Anyways now that you have that shirt in your head. i had it buttoned all the way up so you couldn't see the cami i had on underneath. i was wearing gray corduroys that fit just right, maybe a little tight at the waste (is that the correct spelling? like right and write. i don't know it just looks weird) with a pink belt made out of fabric woven together with little fabric flowers. no i actually looks good, not like how you are thinking at all. anyways so what i did was i tucked my shirt into my jeans so you could see my belt. it was a bold move because people my age don't tuck in their shirts. i thought it looked fashionableish and totally runway worthy. haha. no i think it looked cute and sassy. and good. i thought i looked good in it. i got at least one comment maybe two i can't remember on my belt. yeahhhh.

that day i also put on makeup! i didn't think i put on more than i usually did when i wore makeup but i must have put on more mascara because i got twooo comments on my makeup. i don't think i have ever gotten comments on my makeup, probably because i go for the whole subtle look. i just thought i would mention the two comments. and they weren't from random people, they were from Stephanie and my bus/gym buddy Lindsay. Lindsay said it looked good but i wasn't really convinced and Stephanie was just like are you wearing makeup? you never wear makeup. so i don't really know if it looked good.

i think that is all i needed to mention. i know that was on Friday and today is Sunday. oh it's February vacation. yay!

what's up home doggie dogs?

hahahaha. i just wanted to make you laugh. anyways. i just made a major connection between people, actually my mother did and she told me and i was shocked i didn't figure it out earlier. Zoe B. who is a freshman at my hi!school who is also is in improv is sisttters with Talia (did i spell her name right?) who ride with Mount Holyoke IEA Team, she is like master of all IEA stuff there. when we had to help out we always had to go to her. she is so good that she didn't even ride in the horse show. she is an AMAZING rider. and guess what? they look EXACTLY alike. like REALLY REALLY alike. and i can't believe i didn't put two and two together. maybe because they don't go to the same school. with my major sluething skills a.k.a my facebook stalking skills i was able to figure out two things 1) Zoe and Talia are not friends on facebook, i found Zoe's profile first and Talia wasn't a friend of her 2) I went to Tori's facebook, a girl who use to ride on my IEA team and now rides with Mount Holyoke so I know she is friends with Talia and she is my friend on facebook, anyways i went to her profile and i scrolled down and Talia had made a comment on her wall so i clicked on it and under her networks "northampton high school '10" and what do you know i have the answer to my question! but yeah.

abby's amazing and i'm sorry i didn't buy her a carnation. anyways i believe that is all.

no it's not. i'm looking at colleges. i have a big book of colleges and i'm going through it making a list of business colleges or colleges that strike my fancy. it's fun. but it's scary at the same time. it's really scary.

and let's end with two quotes.

first one. we were talking about colleges and my mother said something like this "i can't believe you are looking at colleges. it seems like just yesterday Mrs. Wickman (my preschool teacher) was telling me you need to work on your scissor skills"

second one. after the improv show right after we get into the car. Maeve: "oh my goodness those two girls in front of me were obsessed with Lucas" My mother: "aren't we all?"

just a note. this is going to be me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO0810JIF4Q&feature=grec

and if i could.

hi. just ignore the title of this, that was just some lyrics that came up on shuffle while i was thinking for a title. see how creative i am?

anyways. today was "charting your course" where they tell us about the different classes we can take during high school. just wondering but does it really matter what classes you take in high school minus the AP classes because you could get college credits. but if my schedule goes as planned for next year and the year after i'll be at school senior year for eight periods. most people go for seven but you know i don't mind staying at school until three everyday. i just have to find a teacher who would do that too.

i haven't been writing in here often because i don't really have much to write about. my life as been as normal. i can write about my cute outfit today. i was proud of myself because i wore a headband even though i have lots of AHHcne and stressples. i wore a ponytail Tuesday with one of those Hawaii lei's wrapped around it, i thought i looked cute too.

HAHAHA. let me take a second to laugh at my use of the words "AHHHcne" and "stressples". i think that is really creative of me. today i'm just in a creative mood i guess. well not really because i had thought of them before but still. AHHHcne? Stressples? genius. minus the fact that i have a bunch that won't go away even though i wash my face every morning and night, use acne preventing stuff, use moisturizer. i should try to find some better stuff. but it's just awkward to bring that stuff up with my mother and i never go shopping. so i'm stuck with my little companions. i had two right next to each other last week and i had creative names for them but i forgot them. probably i good thing. i don't think you should name your pimples or AHHHcne or stressples. anyways. enough of that talks because it's kind of gross. it isn't kind of gross, it is.

i want to go shopping with Abby. like full out shopping spree. each of us with a cute purse full of money so we can just go and shop. i am honestly not a shopper. correction. i am not a shopper with my family. my mother doesn't like to go shopping so her attitude rubs off of me and then i get tired of looking at clothes for Maura and such. plus we have to go into certain stores, there is no way we were going to go into Hot Topic even if i thought i saw a cute shirt and don't even mention going into Deb's just to try on dresses. it's pretty much Aeropostale for me and Maeve and Justice for Maura. maybe i don't want to be broadcasting Aeropostale's brand over my chest everyday. i would like something else other than jeans, camis, and low-cut shirts to layer over camis. i have more taste than that. i just don't have the tools to buy clothes. i really need to clear out my clothes and fill it up with nice lovely clothes. i try the best i can with the clothes i have but there is only so much you can do. maybe that is why i like all those magazines, like Seventeen which just came in the mail today and i've already finished reading, because i get to see all those different outfits and how they put stuff together. plus they are full of wonderful information even if i do have to take it with a grain of sand. (haha. love that saying because it doesn't make any sense at all literally).

um. anything else i need to say? oh maybe i should mention how i want Abby to give me a makeup tutorial? maybe because i got eyeshadow earlier this year in three shades: orange, purple, and pink. wooo! there is only so much you can do with that. and then for Christmas i got mascara and eye liner. no instruction manuel. i try my best with it but i find that is hard when all you have is black eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow that you don't know how to use. i could ask my mother but she isn't that type of person. i love her soooooooooooooooo much but not to the point where i could ask her about makeup, she doesn't wear it often anways. plus i have found i look just as wonderful without it, especially since i go for the whole less is more approach.

uh. uh. have you found that people use "uh" sort of as place marker. they are going to say something but they are thinking so they say "uh" or "um" before continuing. i'm sure it is just habit for some people. even i do it, i did it in my writing!

in two weeks i will see if i'm a good pitch writer or not. probably not. but mostly because i need more work.

i'm still writing because i have nothing better to do. it's quarter to eight, homework is done - i barely had any. ahhhh. i don't have anything else to say. LIE. i do. i have a lovely topic i can talk about. Valentine's Day. it is so important it requires me to press enter twice before continuing.

okay. ready to talk about it. i don't really like it. maybe that is stereotypical, the never-had-a-boyfriend girl not liking valentine's day but really in this world everything is becoming a stereotype, you can't be yourself without being accused of being typical or stereotypical or something. but that's another subject. this paragraph is for valentine's day. i don't know. it seems fake like. i don't really have a good reason. i just don't really like it because i don't have any good reason to. it's all about hearts and love and i haven't experienced that beyond the family/friend level. maybe that's why. it just seems like...lost my train of thought. i was distracted by Facebook. maybe i don't really have much to say about Valentine's day. i'm also just not really a holiday person.

OHHHH! I can't believe i forgot to tell you. your not going to believe this. not at all. you are really just not going to believe this. and you're not going to believe that i haven't mentioned this sooner. it is just ridiculous. that and the fact that it has taken me this long to mention it. oh my goodness. your mind is going to be blown away. it's just awesome. amazing. just utterly ubber dupper dicious. you are going to be so impressed and amazed and just be so proud of me. it is just the greatest thing ever. i can't wait to tell you. i can't believe i didn't say this sooner. it took me this long to think of it. i can't believe it. if i wasn't in my own mind i wouldn't believe it. you are going to be THRILLed...i learned the thriller.

I KNOW! ISN'T IT AWESOME? I'm not the best at it but hey at least i know what i am supposed to be doing. sometimes i forget but with Dancing David I do pretty good.

and now i'm really curious. while you were reading that huge paragraph that began with "OHHHH!" what you thought i was going to say. or were you just telling me to hurry up and tell you already. if you were thinking i was going to say something then you should tell me what you were thinking i was going to say, or type, or write, or what you were going to read next. i was debating yelling in caps lock at the end of that "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" just to freak people out who just look ahead automatically, don't really read ahead but glance down there and then that would be what you saw. but i didn't. i didn't feel like doing that. anyways. i'm rambling. i think it is time to end this blog before it gets too out of hand. like it hasn't already. it's 7:56.

AHHcne! stressples!

this has been a good weekend.

it has been a wonderful weekend. i spent it with my twin. i am so glad. every time i spend more time with her and her family i become closer to her. i love it. i love spending time with her family too. her father is a goofball but i like him too. it was nice spending time with them so i didn't have to deal with my gramma who i love but who is getting on my nerves and my sisters who are dealing with the same thing i am so it's kind of a stressed let's get this week over with in the house. it was great to get away from it and spend it with my twin. anyways, bottom line i really liked the weekend.

so i just wanted to show you some of what people have to say about the name "Molly" on urbandictionary.com I'll pick my favorite ones cause there are a lot. you should go and search it yourself.

one, except for the part about my sister: "a very beautiful girl, also thought of as perfect, very athletic, and fun to be around, she is smart, and is loved by many, she has low-self confidence, but doesn't realize that people think very highly of her, she is amazing in every way, and has a bitch for a sister

person 1: that girls lucky shes a molly

person 2: yeah but her sisters a bitch"

two, "a very beautiful girl who guys find really attractive but are scared to ask out. has really cool clothes, and is a very nice person. has alot of animals ,and also has a thing for bad boys. any guy would be lucky enough to have a Molly.

dude1: wow look at that girl
dude2: yeah thats molly
dude1: man, i could never get a girl like her
dude2: her beauty is blinding"

three, "Even if you haven't met molly she's amazing! And when you do it will most likely be the best day in your adolescent life. She's super funny, and super nice! Every Molly loves a good youtube video, so post one on her wall. Don't be shy around Molly, no worries just take your friends phone away and say something random. For instance "I heard you weren't awkward".

It doesn't matter if you haven't met Molly, you'll love her anyways!

Molly is so cool!"

four, "more often than not she's solid as a rock. she has her priorities in order with family coming first. Molly's are hard working and loyal. doesn't see herself as beautiful outside but knows her beauty lies within. she gets along with everyone, and hates biggots, and liars with a passion. Molly has many acquaintances but knows who her true friends are. She would give you her last dime, even if she knew you would never repay the favor. Call her any time of day or night, she will always be there when you need her. Loves to go out for drinks with friends whenever her busy schedule allows.

that girl is a true friend right there, she is a true Molly."

I think that is all I have to say. i only have to get through tonight and tomorrow night and then my parents will be back. then one more weekend until vacation. then a whole bunch of weeks until april break. then a whole bunch of weeks and then i'm not longer a sophomore. woohoo!

and tomorrow's twin day. a day for me and my twin. yay!

i want to talk to Abby. but she's not on. i want to go over her house and get away from this house but it's only thursday. i won't my parents to be home but they won't be until monday night.

now maeve is crying in front of the camera and we are ruining their vacation. great. just wonderful. why did they even have to leave? couldn't they have just stayed? don't they get it? we sort of need them to function.

and those vocab tests i have tomorrow? not studying for those. i'll just fail. wonderful. this sucks. sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.

at least i have two parents even if they are in a different country. i should stop complaining. i'm just a stupid teenager. i hate it. i hate how my emotions can just run all over the place and i can't control them. Maura isn't crying but i am. great.

i was in a good mood earlier today. i was in a great mood. i was dancing around and laughing.

now i'm crying. thanks parents.

i miss irish step dancing. i miss practicing over and over again trying to get that step perfect. i miss dancing in front of everyone. i miss being known for my dancing. i miss just being able to throw on some music and being able to dance to it. i miss having that kind of control over my body where i could dance like that. i miss that nerves right before i went on to dance. i miss knowing a dance so much i did it on automatic. i miss the march dances where we would dance for the nursing homes. i miss the classes where by the end i would be sweaty and exhausted.

it may sound stupid but one of the reasons why i stopped was because i couldn't stretch. when we did our stretches at the beginning i just couldn't stretch. i couldn't touch my toes. my doctors says i have naturally tight hamstrings. great. but that was one of the main reasons i stopped. sometimes i miss it. like now. my gramma asked maeve if she was still dancing, and she has stopped. but i do miss it right now. i don't know if i actually "regret" or wish i didn't stop because that would be a lot more on my plate than i probably have time for. so instead of dancing and having a solo dress, i have a horse.

is it time for a "deep" post? maybe but i'm not sure what to talk about. i'm in a kind of carefree mood. cause i don't have to babysit today and i don't have that much homework. tomorrow is friday. then the next day is saturday where i have my riding lesson then i head over to abby's house for the rest of the day and most of sunday too. woo! i'm excited. this will be the first time i sleep over abby's house and i'm excited. like i said already. it's just going to be wonderful. i don't have a lot of sleepovers but i have a feeling this is going to be a wonderful one.

anyways i don't really have much to say. right now i'm singing "I'll Stand By You" sung by Carrie Underwood. i was just singing Taylor Swift. i'm in a singing mood. probably because i've barely talked all day so now i get to use my voice by singing. and i'm also using my voice by typing now. see? who needs to talk during school when you can sing and write when you get home. i can type something different than what i am singing and my thoughts are just completely separate, sort of. i'm not a super girl. actually i am but you know, you can't tell everyone that or else they will get jealous. i have to play down my super powers.

i may not be in love but i am lovely.

hey. right now i wish i was at a basketball game. why? cause i like watching it. okay, honestly i like watching Keith in particular. it's not my fault. i'm only a teenage girl. and he looks so cute when he is all focused and such. anyways. i'm not there. why? because i didn't have a ride and i didn't have anyone to go with and my mother and father are in Mexico. oh. so instead i'm at home thinking about going to bed shortly. it's 7:47. oh.

what else to say. i don't really know. i don't have anything else to say. i'm tired. and yeah. hm. i guess that is it. whatever. i'm ready for more than this everyday routine. it's getting boring. yeah um. what else?

maybe i'll go eat some ice cream then go to sleep. bed at 8:30? sounds good to me. not really but -shrug-. i need better adjectives.

how come when we talk on the video chat thingy with our parents it puts us in a worse mood. mostly maeve's mood turns mine sour. she is probably crying now. i'm ready for this to be done and it's only the second day. i still have thursday. friday. saturday. sunday. monday. tuesday. thankfully saturday and some of sunday will be better because i won't be here. i'm at the point where i would rather be at school than at home. the tension in this house is crazy. we are all trying hard not to explode. or implode.

and today is the first day since i got my ring that i haven't worn it. that tells you right there what it is like in my house.

first day. woo. i'm surviving. it's not the best. i am a bit annoyed by my gramma at times. i'm really tired and it's 8 o'clock. at least all my homework is done even though i sort of didn't finish my crossword but i couldn't figure it out.

i think i am going to bed because this was pointless. and i am too tired to figure something else out. and yeah i guess.