yeah something might be wrong when I opened my door and saw that Ellie had her door open and the lights on...aka waiting for me. and I closed my door and decided that I just won't wash my face or brush my teeth and i'll throw out my contacts and I will leave my glasses over there....all so I don't have to talk to Ellie. awesome. I mean I could tell her the truth or whatever she wants...but I know what will happen. she will get offended or act all concerned like. either I don't want to deal with. I honestly just want to be left alone. maybe I should just tell her that.

like earlier I was expecting her to be upset or whatever when I had a convo with her and actually she was. she started to get emotional. but she handled it better than I expected. but she still tried to make me feel bad. and she overreacted and got emotional last night because I was fucking doing as I was supposed to. like fuck all of them. and fuck this. why the hell am I hiding in my room. I can do whatever the hell I want.

if she asks if i'm okay. what do I say....I don't want to talk. i'm at my limit. please leave me alone.

that sounds good. brb. I actually really want to brush my teeth.

okay so I made it though and I just got a "Goodnight, Molly!" as I was entering my room.

you know what I realized that. I don't have to do anything. I don't owe anyone anything. I don't have to explain myself to Ellie. I don't have to tell her the truth or confront it or any fucking thing. I don't have to talk about it. I don't have to spend time with her. I don't have to do anything to make her feel better. so fuck all of this. I can be a bitter bitch and no one can do anything about it. fuck yeah.