i just watched 10 Things I Hate About You and I loved it! as much as I hate being all sappy and being dependent on a guy or whatever, i'm still a hopeless romantic.
like today I saw Gene in the library and goodness, I just find him so attractive. he was wearing his glasses and he looked at me and he just looked so perfect. so of course I think about how we would first talk or whatever. it would have to be at some event outside of class or a party or whatever. but anyways I should stop thinking about it. he is an attractive kid in my class and that's it. leave it be. don't think about him.
in other news I realize how much your friends influence you. I love ellie and Amelie but I see that I am becoming so stuck with them and just being like them. for example tonight I was sort of planning or wanted to go to the bonfire and then to the acapella concert. but ellie and Amelie didn't want to...so I didn't. that sort of thing. they just wanted to stay in so I did. which is fine and I was happy just watching a movie but I wonder if I had different friends if we would go do things! not that I want different friends, I am more than happy with ellie and Amelie. but literally they are the only people I hang out with. it's ellie and Amelie this, ellie and Amelie that. but that's what I do. in china it was always roxy and Kristen.
but trying not to be swamped by work. lots of work this weekend for some reason.
oh remind me another night to talk about maeve. now I should sleep.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
hi so last night might have been my last night in this house. the official moving to the new/old house starts tomorrow. I think they might stay in this house for another month but I might not be back before then. which is really sad. and strange. like 109 is still home in a weird way since I remember living there before and growing up there so it is going to be strange to be back there. but I think it will also feel distant. like I will be coming home to a former home...not my current home. especially since I won't have a room. i'm going to be recuperating from getting my wisdom teeth pulled in there. so I guess I mean I will make new memories there but it will be strange. I guess it is another push to help me figure out my life even though i'm already working on that. but I know there will always be a place for me back home.
ahh I don't know how to put my feelings into words. like I kind of feel like crying but at the same time I am already distancing myself emotionally. I don't know how I feel that my family is moving back to my old house but it feels like there isn't room for me there. okay now i'm sort of crying. I have just been trying not to think about it. but now that I am getting ready to head back to school after spring break it is actually hitting me.
okay now is when I push back all my feelings again. it will be fine. not a big deal. I am barely home anyways. I am going to go back to school soon and focus on everything going on there: class, projects, Spotify internship, babysitting, figuring out my summer life.
ahh can't handle life. I should probably leave now so I don't have to be driving in the dark. or I can wait another hour for maeve to get home because I didn't really say bye to her before but i'll see her in a few weeks. two weekends and then the third we are going to a concert. then the weekend afterwards i'll be in st. Louis with my mom which will be crazy too. then after that two weekends and i'm done with junior year! woot woot!
okay I guess that is all I am going to write about now. maybe i'll drive back to school now...
Saturday, March 21, 2015
so I just watched the finale of glee. the last one ever. I haven't watched glee since before Cory died...but it was still a great episode. they focused on the main characters and didn't get caught up in weird side plots or strange things. I wish some other characters had more time but they focused on the main characters which was good. and it made me cry. when they played the original don't stop believing. during Rachel's song when they showed Finn's picture. and of course the last song. it just reminded me of everything I loved about Glee and how it made me feel and of course because Finn wasn't there and just made me cry for Cory. I've been to three different Glee concert tours in two different years. Glee was there for a good part of me growing up. I'm sure I've talked about it a lot in here. it started in 2009. I was such a big fan, I had all the DVDs, glee merchandise. like everything. I loved the show and just how happy I felt watching it and listening to the songs. oh yeah I still have all the songs on my iTunes, actually 74 songs currently, may have lost some transferring laptops.
but basically what i'm trying to say is even though I fell out with Glee, I still appreciate and love all that it was in my life and what it was. and it makes me so sad watching the finale without Cory and just knowing that is the last Glee ever. I mean I could go watch all the seasons I missed but it won't be the same.
that's all. that really deserves a post of it's own.
mental note of other things to talk about:
Kristen
Concert/Meeting peeps after?
Babson Basketball
and whatever else, but right now I should sleep because it is past midnight and i'm tired.
tomorrow I should do work in the morning because then Ellie and Amelie are coming to stay the night and no way will I get work done while they are here...
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
I just randomly picked a year and saw what I was doing during March then and look at this post!
"I can't wait until 2015.
Where will I be in 2015? JUNIOR IN COLLEGE BABY. I better not forget about this fabulous day then."
omg that is this year! and yes I realized that it was super pi day! but I am just so amazed that I wrote about it back then and now it is happening. little 2011 molly, I made it! I made it to be a junior in college! to super pi day! it's 2015! aaahh crazy, crazy.
and I was talking with Derek earlier first about marriage and then jobs and basically how we are getting old and all, so crazy. anyways now I should go to sleep. i'm glad I saw that post. makes me shake my head, time is so strange. and so crazy. here I am still posting in this blog and back then I was wishing it was now...wow
I just saw a post on tumblr where someone couldn't think of anything they liked about themselves. so now I am going to make a list of all the things I like about myself. not like in spite or whatever. I think that isn't good that person didn't like anything and that should change. but I didn't know who they were or anything. okay but let me just do what I want to do.
- how smart I am
- how calm I am
- my smile when I really mean it
- my hair is beautiful
- I am beautiful
- I think things through
- I am nice and friendly
- I can act as a moderator
- how I love kids
- how I love animals
- how hard I work
- how I don't complain
- how I dream
- how I go after what I want
- how I care about my friends
- how I give
- how amazing I am
okay I am just freaking awesome that's all.
Monday, March 16, 2015
I feel like I have a lot to talk about not sure if I feel like talking about all of it. let me write a list.
- Maeve & college
- basketball
- there was something else that I have been thinking about whatever
Maeve got into Wheaton College! YAYAY! i'm so excited for her because college is awesome. I just hope she has an amazing experience. it's crazy to think that I am already almost done with three years and only have one left. it seems like I was just starting...
um okay so babson is in the final four for basketball. and I could of have the opportunity to go on a bus with babson down to Virginia to watch the game - which ellie wanted me to do but I ultimately decided not to. partly because Kristen is here and I have a concert and other reasons like it is a 10 hour bus ride and I am not actually friends with anyone on the basketball team. so good call there, molly - even if it is a once in the lifetime experience or whatever.
also when we went to the last game after it was over everyone runs onto the court and congratulates the players. so Amelie and ellie were like let's go congratulate them. but instead they stand awkwardly on the side looking at people. so I was urging them to leave. because it is awkward. not the congratulating part. if they just walked right up and said congrats that would be fine. it was the awkward standing there because they are not really friends and they don't know if they should. here's the thing, yes, you may know him, you may have classes together, he may know who you are too, but if you aren't friends this isn't the time to go up and congratulate him because he has friends who are more important at the moment to congratulate too. so I was just like, let's get out of here instead of standing here awkwardly. I was right because they didn't go up and congratulate anyone. it's not bad or anything to just leave, it's just knowing your place and role in their lives, if it was my friends of course I would go up and talk to them - but if you feel awkward or iffy about just walking up to them, then you probably shouldn't at this moment - wait until you see them in class or whatever.
okay that felt good to get off my chest.
um what else. I bought tickets for Amelie to go see Stromae is September for her birthday so hopefully she likes that. kind of expensive but i'm sure worth it.
I have to get all four wisdom teeth out, going to do that in may. so looking forward to it. not. my mom and I drove up to Vermont for a consultation because this was the only time I could do it and they was the only office that had time. so then we went to kringle candle which was fun and all.
umm. I still really want to go on tour this summer. but no further developments. so just sort of stuck. interview on Thursday. still working at Spotify, maybe stay there for the summer. I don't know. I wish I had it figured out. this time last year I was getting my rounder job.
OH I remember something else I wanted to talk about. I went and saw Maura in the highschool play Little Shop of Horrors. and did I talk about Dan Sullivan in here before? I feel like I did back when he was in 7th grade. well now he is in 11th grade I believe. or something. but he was in the play as the dentist and he was awesome and it's really cool to see him grow up and he is still an awesome singer. and then there was another little 7th grader who sang and he was also really good. and when I saw him sing I was just like, that's why I want to do artist management, so I can help kids like that reach their dreams. it was a nice reminder.
nice quote I just saw on instagram: "Until you get comfortable with being alone, you will never know if you are choosing someone out of love or loneliness" and I think I am pretty comfortable with being alone. but I have been thinking about guys and relationships more than I would like. not sure why. maybe because I know I am amazing and I know there is someone amazing out there too. and i'm content waiting. and I don't even have time for a boyfriend at all. but it would still be nice, you know? well nice but then I remember all the hard parts as well, but that's worth it for the right guy.
did you know that my mom was 21 when she met and moved in with my dad? and then they were married before they were dating for a year - I think so. they got married so my dad could stay in the country legally. and guess what? my dad just did the same thing so his new wife could get back into the country after she went back home to Taiwan...so currently she is in Taiwan. my dad is still here. her kids are with their dad and he won't let my dad see them. even though I guess technically he is their step dad now. ewww ahhaglka that means she is my stepmom. nope. no way. that was the first time I thought of her like that and not happening. not even acknowledging that. not letting my dad's choices interfere with my life. the only connection I really want is to her family that I stayed with in Taiwan because I love them. and I really have nothing against her - but what are they thinking getting married in the court house and then her leaving for Taiwan a few days later? no wonder they are having legal problems or whatever. I mean the choice is theirs completely but I have no part in it.
oh also how would you interpret this text which I got from Nasser (who was in shanghai with me): "Morning beautiful! I'm driving home now, enjoy your break and I can't wait to see you after" -_- this is from someone who I barely text, I don't hang out with that much, I had dinner with him and four other people the night before...Amelie told me not to read into it but ummm. I'm not interested in Nasser soooooo I really would like to avoid that awkward situation. not that I blame him, i'm amazing. same with Michele. like i'm sorry boys i'm so awesome but I am just not interested. such a hearbreaker. woop.
okay I think that is enough for now. i'll be back soon.
Friday, March 13, 2015
I have now been to two Babson basketball games and this last one was very stressful. they won. thank goodness. but it was very stressful. now they are in the top 8! yaaay!
but basically it makes me want to date an athlete. I would be such a good girlfriend. I would go to all his games and be such a good fan. it would be great. so new goal is to date an athlete while i'm at babson.
not really cause having a boyfriend is not a goal of my mine, I am happy being independent and single. very much so. but it would be nice to have an athletic boyfriend who I could go cheer on at games. <3 p="">
Thursday, March 12, 2015
I feel like I owe you an update. I don't know what the last thing I said was so let me see what I need to update you on.
um haven't heard anything about summer yet, I have an interview next week at ole so we will see how that goes. still working at Spotify which is pretty good, just CRM all the time. but it's good.
haven't talked to my dad so nothing there. i'll be going home on Saturday so i'm excited for spring break. just one more midterm tomorrow and then i'll be done. I had a 15 page due on Monday that I started on Thursday plus an 8 minute presentation so I've been pretty done with work since then. but just this last final then i'm free! well I have Spotify on Thursday and babysitting on Friday. and then i'm meeting a dog to dogsit him on Saturday. then i'm done!
my roommate Kristian got engaged! Carl did it in a really cute way and got all these awesome musicians to sing to her. and it was a really nice video. so i'm excited for her! is it bad that i'm just hoping that i'm invited to the wedding and I can go?! it would be so much fun!
and then another friend from Nashville, Jamie, got engaged! she started dating her boyfriend when I was in Nashville and I met him and he's really nice and an awesome guy. but they are so young! she is only 2 years older than me, so 22. and wait how old is Kristian? I think she is 23...okay both of them graduated high school in 2010. to me that is so young! like to imagine getting married in two years is crazy!
I guess that is the main thing. I am awkward and I do things that are like ehh icky but I just have to remember that I am confident in myself and it is not a big deal and I won't remember it and other people probably already forgot. and i can get through it and it will be over. just keep moving onto bigger and better things.
I talked to Derek the other day, well messaged him on facebook, and I really like talking with him. and the majority of our conversation was talking about how we should visit each other. hold on let me just put it here for you to see.
also which you can't see here, after I said "yeaaah!" there was a half an hour where neither of us said anything and I was happy to just leave the convo there, but then he said a while later "i wish I could visit" I don't know if I am reading into things...but I wish I just knew if he liked me or was interested in me or not! it's not like anything would happen since we live so far away but I am curious and want to know! am I? maybe...I wasn't when I first met him but as I've gotten to know him he is a great guy and I like talking with him and hanging out with him...if we lived near each other maybe we would go on a few dates...i'm guessing that we would end up just being really good friends. wish he was closer. he is just down to earth and real and I don't know, I never would have guessed we would be friends but he is literally the only person that I have conversations with via text - I don't even with Kristen (that's because I just Skype her instead) but anyways. there's that.
Michele I have seen a bit more recently but I think he is getting the hint / i'm being kind of mean. like in trim he asked if he could sit with us and I was like "if you have nowhere else to yeah" and he said something like he wanted to...but he ended up sitting elsewhere partly because I told him where we were sitting but then I went to get food so I don't think he knew. then I saw him in the library today and he asked what I was doing and I said waiting for some people to go get lunch and he said "like me?" and I just said "No..." and then he was like "so cold" and then some other things we said and I think I said "see ya" and then I thought I heard him say as I walked away "see ya later...if you want to" but I ignored that and kept walking.
ummm I think that is all for tonight. I should really sleep because as much as my brain isn't on the same page and i'm already thinking spring break, I have to wake up early tomorrow and take a midterm. woot woot.
I just reread my convo with Derek and i'm definitely reading into it, I think he is just being nice.
anyways sleep molly. Amelie isn't here cause she had a late meeting for a big presentation and that's why i'm still awake or else I would have went to sleep earlier. i'm lost without her!
