i pretend like it doesn't bother me going to places by myself - i am trying to convince myself that i don't mind. but the truth is, it does. i went to a megan and liz concert by myself today. sat at the table by myself. ate my dinner by myself. even though i was surrounded by a bunch of people, but none of them talked to me. it was a good show and i'm glad i went. i was able to meet them afterwards and their advice for just moving to Nashville was to make friends...working on it. but then walking away by myself made me sad again. and maybe it would be different if i had chosen to go to the concert myself - like i just needed a night to myself or to get away - but nope, first of all i have been doing everything by myself so i certain didn't need a break from people (if anything, i need a break from myself) and second, i asked people to come with me, 4 to be exact, and none of them came. so wow. really have no friends and i'm a loner. great.

and yesterday i walked around downtown nashville by myself and sat and watched sound check and then was front row to the concert...all by myself. and it's not like i'm not trying. i have said yes to everything my roommates have invited me to. i go places - granted, i don't usually talk to people when i go places by myself but at least i am out and about. the only thing i think i missed was that church gathering but that was because i thought i was going to the beach that day and honestly forgot all about it until it was too late. but tomorrow is supposed to be girls night so if i get invited to that i'll go, even though i'm PMSing (yeah yeah that's probably part of the reason why i was so emotional the last week) and in a ton of pain. and then hopefully i'll see Zach at some point this weekend at CMA fest or something. i told him to let me know. and when i texted him he said that he was just about to text me. who knows if that is true. but it would be nice to see him at least once before we are on a plane together.

anyways i really need to sleep. i'm exhausted. another long day at the internship tomorrow. no, 8 hours is really long. especially when you aren't doing anything that passes the time and each half hour you get through is an accomplishment.