hi. this weekend has been better. let me try to remember all that i did. let's just say thank you Erin for coming home and being awesome and inviting me to things.

okay so the last i told you, i almost past out at the CMAs on Friday. okay great. on Saturday, i went with Erin, Aimee, Amanda, and Janelle to an art show downtown. i was able to get free wine there which was pretty nice. then we went to Frothy Monkey and met up with Erin's friend Nate. and then we walked around Broadway and I was able to get into the bar Tequila Cowboy because they don't card before 10 so we were able to hang out there and dance which was fun. after that we went to the bridge and watched some of Keith Urban and we thought there might be fireworks but no fireworks. then we went back and slept.

and then yesterday i went with Erin, Amanda, and Janelle to Franklin to see Erin's friend Jenna sing at a pizza place. so we had pizza for dinner there. and then we dropped Amanda and Janelle off and then we went to a show for Ravenhill with Aimee, since they are friends with some of the people in the band. and in Ravenhill there was a cute guy who actually looking close to my age, his name is Taylor. and we were talking to him for a bit afterwards and he is actually from Illinois and is moving to Delaware soon. but he was attractive. and then i found him on facebook through the band's page, his name is Taylor Chance. okay wow, i just went to see if i could find his facebook again and now i can't find it. yesterday it was so easy, i didn't even have to try. but anyways, i wish him the best of luck in Delaware and i hope he likes it there and figures everything out. i'll send good vibes his way. but honestly how come i can't find him on facebook anymore? it's like i was meant to see his facebook page yesterday, it just came up even though we have no mutual friends and today it is just gone...found him, took a little longer than last night. still as good looking as ever though.

anyways, then today i was supposed to go to the barn to see Rose and the ponies but literally right when i was about to leave, Zach texted me. so i waiting for him to respond and ended up going to get coffee with him instead. because seeing Zach has been a lot harder to do and even though i won't be able to get to the barn again for a while, i felt like i had to go see Zach. or i wanted to. i don't think i have a "crush" on Zach but he's a good kid and i want to spend time with him so whenever i can, i will. this was the first time since i've been to Nashville that i've been able to see him. it was kind of awkward but it was still nice i guess. i'm supposed to go to dinner with him and maybe his roommate tomorrow so hopefully that will be good. missing church to go get dinner with him. but i figure if i can spend time with him before flying home with him this weekend, i can get to know him better and get more comfortable so that will make the flight better. when i'm with him i feel at ease but not completely comfortable yet, but i'm glad he is here.

i've realized as i have met my friend's guys friend while i'm here that what i really want a guy for is to feel safe and protected. i just like standing next to guys because i feel safe. maybe it's because i feel so alone that i crave that kind of protection. i haven't really had it since i left home and especially since all that shit happened with my dad because i can't rely on him at all and i don't feel safe with him. i mean as much as i want to say that i don't need a guy to feel safe and protected, i almost really do. i mean i manage and i am fine without one but it is nice to just walk around and know that someone has your back and will be able to protect you. so i really liked it when Nate came with us the other night to the bar and on the bridge. it was like since we had a guy with us no one would bother us and they would leave us alone and he was watching to make sure we were all okay. and yesterday we had Brady with us walking around the streets so i felt safe too having him there. and then we ran into Aimee's friend...i can't remember his name now, oh maybe Lucas? okay yes, Lucas. and he was just standing behind me when we were watching fireworks and i just felt safe which was really nice. i think it also has to do with the fact that i have been doing a lot of stuff alone so i am always on edge and looking around and the second i feel uncomfortable i usually just leave. like i went to the park and a guy decided to sit at the bench next to me even though there were a ton of other open benches and there weren't that many people around so i just left. and since i am on my own i just need to be extra careful so it is nice to not have to worry about that.

alright well game plan for the next few days. right now i am going to try to do my internship work that i have been putting off. i found out when i have a ton of time and not much work to do, i just don't do it when i'm not in the babson mindset. i literally just don't want to do work since i haven't been. but i am going to try to do some of that today. and then i am going to go with Erin, Aimee, and Joy to see the X-Men movie even though i have no idea what it is about and haven't seen any of the other movies. but i need friends. and then i am going to probably just chill here or hang out with them. tomorrow i have work and then after work i'm going to dinner with Zach and potentially his roommate. hopefully that goes well. and then Wednesday i am also going to work and i might go to girl's night or i am just going to chill here and pack. then Thursday i will work and then leave early and come back here, Zach will pick me up and we will go to the airport. and then i will spend the weekend at home! awesome. just taking it one step at a time i guess. i feel like there is more i should be writing about but maybe that is just because i don't want to do work...i'll go do work.