alright update. I don't really care about Prateek currently. like barely at all. okay bye Felicia.

but I don't like the whole thing I currently having going on with marco, which isn't a think at all. it's that I know I like him. and it makes me vulnerable. and it's scary. especially with that whole weird peer mentor thing. so all the exchange students know me and I don't know it's strange. and he's only here for a semester. and it get all those stupid butterflies. and I don't know what to say to him. and I know that I don't really know him that well. but I still want to kiss him. and hug him. and I am excited when I see him. like today he messaged me directly and asked to have lunch in reys like we did last Tuesday. it's a stupid crush and I don't like it. I like to be in control of my feelings and situations. and this I am not in control.

life is crazy, man. but part of my thinking is like, I only have a semester left so no more repercussions at babson, and he's only here a semester only. but even if we did hook up, where would we even go, with my noisy suitemates and he has a roommate. I am getting way ahead of myself. stop stop, molly.

okay game plan. because I like control and all. just spend time with him when you can but don't go out of your way or make it crazy obvious you want to spend time with him.

oh sidebar. soooo I do this thing where when i'm hanging out with someone I like, but I don't know if they are enjoying hanging out, where I will call them out and say they are bored or they don't actually want to spend time with me. so I've done this twice with Marco now. and apparently when him, Alessandro, and Amelie were walking to Tomasso together, Marco was talking to her about it and all worried. and confused as to why I do that. which makes me feel bad. but if it comes up with him I will tell him to ignore me, i'm just giving him a hard time, that I do enjoy spending time with him and i'm just worried that he doesn't enjoy hanging out with me that's all.

ahhhh stupid. I wish I didn't even have to worry about this. now I should go to bed because i'm exhausted. goodnight.