every time i watch king the kid videos i love them even more. but it's a weird sort of love. almost like i'm distanced from them and i wouldn't fit in yet i want to so badly. like i would create a business just so i could be best friends with them. it's almost like torture watching their videos i want to be friends with them and hang out with them so badly.

the new song i'm addicted to is I Want Crazy by Hunter Hayes and i'm typically not a country person. but this is so catchy and i love when it comes on the radio.

in other not so good news, my roommate is cutting herself. she broke up with her boyfriend (which i think was the right decision) and has been depressed and this is what she has turned to. she hasn't even slept in the room the past three nights and i don't know who's room she has been staying in. i don't know her that well, we aren't really friends, we get along and everything, but we don't hang out or do anything outside of talking to each other when we are in the dorm. but we have one good mutual friend who i have been talking with, Emma. and Emma is so strong. she is going through shit in her life too and she is still there for Ah Young and figuring everything out. I look up to Emma immensely. i am trying to help her as much as i can but i feel like i'm not doing enough. like last night i hear Ah Young come back around 2am but i fell back asleep and then i hear her doing something at her desk or with the trash but i was so tired and just went back to sleep, i never really woke up completely. but i wake up and there are bloody tissues in the trash can so she was obviously cutting when i heard her. then i saw the cuts on her arm. it's so messed up though, Emma was having a breakdown in the common room and cried for like 30 seconds and Ah Young came in and gave her a hug and once Ah Young left Emma looked at me and was like "did you see anything?" and of course i looked when she hugged Emma and sure enough there were cuts. but the thing was that even though Ah Young was trying to comfort Emma, we were both thinking about seeing if she hurt herself. Emma couldn't even be sad for that long because she is worrying about so many other people than herself. she is amazing. i just really want to take some of the pressure off of her and help her. and i want to help Ah Young so she is better too. i don't know, it's horrible, and i don't know what to do. i'm not good with this stuff.