i have worked out everyday for two weeks (except for one day because i forgot -_-) and i'm not saying really big long work outs. but something. almost everyday. and it feels pretty good. people say to accept who you are and love yourself and love your body. and i wish i could say i do, but the reason why i started working out are as follows: a) my belly wasn't flat anymore 2) i have gained probably between 10-15 pounds since i started school 3) i had to throw away half of my jeans because i didn't fit into them anymore (granted i have had those jeans for a long time but still) 4) shay carl and katilette work out and i want to be happy like them 5) it gave me a goal and something to do and feel good about 6) i want to look good in a bikini if i go to california in march.

so i've been working out. and i'm going to try to keep working out. when school starts i'll have zumba again and then i heard there is another class called "boot camp" so maybe i'll try that. it will be harder than what i have been doing.

and guess what just came up on my tumblr dashboard: "The Rule #161 of a Relationship: Don't play with someones feelings just because you are unsure of your own" fuck. am i doing that? i really don't mean to be playing with his feelings. but gahhh. i love him, i really do, but but but, but there shouldn't be a but but there is. are you following me? but things aren't as simple now. but i'm not so sure about anything now.

i understand why people become so much like their parents. you have been watching them your whole life. when you are on your own you are going to do what you are familiar with and know - what your parents did. of course i know this isn't always the case, but sometimes it is.

ummm i like feeling good about myself and working out makes me feel good. and most of the time babysitting does too. today i was playing just dance 4 on the wii and quizzing Annabeth on her vocab words. i hope that means i'll make a good mother.

after i own a house on mulholland drive. can you see me living in California?