right now in my house there is a...

girl scooping ice cream

a mother in the computer room feeling stressed/bad about leaving her family for a week

a teenage girl on her computer typing this

another teenage girl crying at the dining room table

and a cat sniffing that crying girl.

STOP STRESSING OUT. YOU ARE STRESSING ME OUT. STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE YOU WILL BE FINE.

i would like to yell that at Maeve right now. i am sick and tired of her being so stressed out all the time and complaining about all the work she needs to do. was i like that when i was in 7th grade? i can't remember. but seriously she needs to RELAX. what is she going to do when she gets into high school and she has more work? college? life? hopefully by the end of seventh grade she will have learned some stress management.

anyways. i have almost cried several times today but i blame that on estrogen. now i'm not sure what to write about. i could write about how i probably seem like a little girl who depends on everyone around her and can't stand on her own. like how i depend on my mother. on my best and sometimes only friend. on the friend i don't even have. i would like to correct that statement, no matter how much i think i need them i have stood without them before. i stand without them every time i go to each of my classes because they aren't there with me. i have the thought of them and that's it and when that disappears i know i will survive anyways. i don't want to seem needy because that is when people push you away. seems weird huh? but doesn't the guy always dump the girl who clings? so abby i guess i am saying i don't want to push you away in any way. i don't know if i am or not and i guess by me writing this i am saying i am afraid to lose you. doesn't that go against everything i just said. why yes it did but even thomas jefferson was a hypocrite.

and now i am trying to help maeve study for her oral and it is just getting me all tense and more stressed out. i just want to go to sleep really badly. but i also want to get some of my thoughts on paper but i don't think that is possible. do most teenagers think as much as me? do they doubt themselves as much as i do?

new idea. here i am saying i need to talk more and be loud and let my voice be heard but what if that isn't who i am? what if i am a quiet girl and it is in my genes and i should just accept it and more on then i will be happy and yay. but that's the problem, accepting it and i haven't accepted it yet, will i ever? am i even making set? i need to go to sleep. ahasgkljakdfjadl;akdjsfla. i don't want to be a teenager anymore. i don't i don't know.

before i leave let me put your mind at rest. i'm going through a phase that seems to be lasting a long time where i question everything and write everything now done on this blog and i am unsatisfied with my life and i critique everything i do and i think there is more than this and i tell myself that i am the only person who is permitting my life from being wonderful and i know that is a fact. i just suck. stop that molly you suck for saying you suck. now say something good about yourself. i am beautiful. do you believe that? right now? no. at other times to do you believe that? yes but not now.

Abby wanted me to say three things i love about myself and wouldn't want to change at all, like i would die if i wasn't like that and guess what? i can't answer her question. i have no idea. i don't know. i really don't. i suck even more for not loving myself. whatever. i am so tired and i need to get out of this house REALLY BADLY. the air in this house is suffocating me. i can't breath properly. and i am really tired. and i'm going to sleep. night.