the little one who...blah. that's me.

so once again i chickened out. this time at least i got more than three extra hours of sleep until my dog woke me up. so by now it's sure that i am the one looking in on my twin doings. it's not like i want to be in them, well yes i do, i just know if i was there i would be awkward because other than Stephanie and Abby i'm not comfortable with anyone else. i know i told myself this was going to be my big year but it's not looking like it now. it sort of hurts every time i go on Facebook and see all those pictures from different social gatherings. like my twin's birthday party. i don't want to grow father away from Abby but crapping out of her one big thing she was planning isn't exactly helping. she told me i didn't have to go but i feel terrible for not going. but truly it's 9:30 right now and i'm exhausted like i'm ready to go back up to bed and go to sleep. so i guess this blog is about me telling how i am socially challenged making me an outcast with no friends except maybe two or three. hahaha. that's great. what's going to happen in school Molly when you don't have classes with Abby? what if you don't have lunch? are you going to loose your twin? she certainly doesn't need you because she has a whole bunch of friends that go to her beach trip and birthday and just hang out. you are the one who needs her. am i jealous? i guess so. but it's not like i want all of Abby's other friends to disappear. i just sort of want some of my own. you know friends. friends where you would never dream of changing the plans on. friends where you don't have to worry about it being awkward. which i don't have. i don't know if i have ever had friends like that. i don't know if i ever will. at least when i am running my big shot business i won't need any friends. i'll have my family. that is if i ever find a husband. another minor problem there. so now i will just do nothing for the whole day except go on the computer, watch tv, read, do chinese homework, eat, and clean because i have no where to go today except the barn. the barn. i do have someone i can count on no matter what. Pride. yesterday he was so great. we got our canter every time i asked him to. when i asked him to do something he had no idea how to do he tried. and when i was done i left the reins over his head so i wasn't holding him and he followed me wherever i went. that made me so happy. maybe this is why God had my family start riding horses, so i had a friend to visit everyday during the summer.