if i wasn't half dead right now i would post about how frustrated i am. about how i hate my period because it makes me horrid to be around. how i hate feeling like crap while we are out shopping so all i want to do is go home. how i hate everyone showing me stuff like "how about this?". i hate not feeling like doing what everyone else feels like doing. i hate when i see something i like but i'm in too bad of a mood to stand up and say i want it. i hate when my mother says, "if you are going to wear it buy it if you're not then don't" because then it makes me feel bad. like this red sweater. i kind of want it but then my mother said that and i felt like crying. i became afraid of my mother. it was my fault i guess since i was moping around following her because i didn't feel like shopping, i felt like crap and i looked like crap. i looked at myself in one of the mirrors. i was in my t-shirt and my aunts huge sweatshirt. i looked like absolute crap and my haircut made it look worse. i think once i saw myself in the mirror that was when everything went down hill and i just wanted to go home and i didn't want to shop anymore. amazing how appearances can do it that. i tried to get my confidence back up and it was there for maybe a second but it was completely fake. so much for my self-esteem and confidence going back to school. i really hope that tomorrow shopping goes better and i don't feel like crap but tonight when i was going up to bed didn't help. my mother says, "get a good night sleep to get ready for shopping tomorrow" or something of the sorts and then Maura says, "she can just stay home" i said "thanks Maura" then ran out of the room and started to cry once they couldn't hear me. it's not like i picked today to be my crappy day. it's not like i picked to go to the beach before going shopping just to sit there freezing my butt off and end up ruining my bathing suit and shorts because can't figure out how to use a freaking tampon. it's not my fault i felt like crap. it's not my fault i didn't feel like shopping. it's not my fault i'm a teenager. but all at the same time it is my fault, because who else can be to blame? i really hope tomorrow goes well. and just a note, Auntie Lorrie and Maura, shut up during the tv shows, we really don't need to hear your comments especially since we all know already.