so I was just talking to Maeve and my aunt comes in and tells me it's quarter to one so I need to be quiet and I need to shut my window because of the alarm.

and now I am worried that they can hear everything is say and I was talking about sex and James and everything. so shit if they can hear everything.

and I can't even leave my window open.

I sometimes really hate living here and just want my own space. i'm old enough to stay up as late as I want and leave my window up and talk about sex without worrying about who is hearing me. ah this sucks. I feel stuck here. I haven't even been here a month yet. and i'm already ready to move on. I better start planning some more trips because there is no way I can keep this up.

but I told Maeve about the whole James thing and she is cool about it and it was good to talk to her about this stuff. but I know what I have to do and I've come to terms with it all. so whatever. I don't really know what i'm doing. I just kind of feel judged and trapped here and I just want out. I want my own place. ugh.

I feel sick and tired. but whatever. but it's not whatever because they are letting me stay here for free and feeding me and everything so I have to be gracious and stay out of the way. but I just want to stop tip-toeing around and just feel comfortable here.

today was actually a pretty good day but now I just feel like shit. it's probably just because i'm tired. but tomorrow I have to wake up and face them. and I can tell my aunt is just getting annoyed with me. and god I just want to escape and be by myself and just do what I want without feeling like i'm trapped. this kind of sucks.

and it says James is online but he has not seen my last message and he isn't responding. and I just want to cry and get out of here.