so last night I found out Derek is gay. which I found out while I was kind of drunk. and I was giving him a hard time about being jealous that I have guys hitting on me and it turned into him saying I like guys tbh and I said something sarcastic and he was like I assumed you knew and I then I went omg seriously? and he was like, yeah all the signs were there. to which I said well yeah, but you can't assume. he said valid point. so that was very strange. I swear that there was a girl he was going to ask out or went on dates with, so maybe he is bi, but I mean I could have guessed but I didn't know. unless he was just messing with me but I don't think he was because he would have told me right away if he was. but anyways kind of a shock and I don't think I handled it the best since I thought he was kidding at first and I was intoxicated. but then it was fine because I just told him all about my night, which I usually do. I was going to talk to him now and tell him about my Spotify internship but he isn't online. but anyways that's fun.

I had an interview with Spotify today. which I think went well. it was really laid back. but my whole team from the summer is now working on this team, which is why I think I was put up for this position. but I am excited. if I am offered this job, I will most likely take it, unless something else major randomly pops up. but hopefully I get it, it seems promising and like it is a good possibility.

but things with ellie are okay. I have sort of avoided her this week, but last night with her was good. and i'm still going to counseling which is basically just me talking through everything Ellie related. it is good for me to understand what our friendship has been and why I am feeling the way I am now and everything. basically the game plan is to stay friends for the rest of the year, but set boundaries, so she doesn't take too much of me and I have my space and freedom, and then I graduate and yippee.

other things i'm dealing with, ADE stuff is crap but just figuring that all out. hopefully it settles down a bit. but that's cool. i'm going home tomorrow after running some errands for Professor Sokuvitz in the morning. and then i'll be back Sunday night for another SODA.

omg I forgot to even tell you about my night last night. anyways lot of things led up to it being me, Ellie, and three of the exchange students, Antonio, Michela, and Marco in our suite playing never have I ever. so that was interesting. but basically we figured out that Molly hasn't done anything. so Antonio was like okay for the last month we will have you try weed, we will go to a club, and then if you have to do anything sexual you have two willing people. like what. I just sort of was like oookay next person's turn. I also found out that Marco has never had sex with someone he cared about, but he did have a girlfriend in high school. he also has had sex at Babson. and I thought Antonio had a girlfriend but he does not. so now I have to think if he has been hitting on me. because i'm probably closest to him out of all the exchange students and get along with him the most and talk to him the most. but anyways I hope I hang out with them all some more. maybe i'll see the out today although i'm not planning on staying out too late since I have to do the errands tomorrow. but I guess it's good to know that guys, who always want sex, especially those on exchange to us, find me suitable or would be willing....that's flattering right?

I was thinking of asking Marco out...like just the two of us hanging out. but that might be a bad idea since all the exchange students will know. and now that Antonio isn't in a relationship i'm more aware of our friendship. but still it would be cool to go out. I would actually make out with either of them. Marco is more attractive but Antonio is more fun and I get along with him so well. anyways. things Molly thinks about.

I guess those are all the major things happening now. cool cool.

hello i'm currently babysitting. I thought the parents would have been home by now but i'm still here. I am tired and I would like to sleep.

I've successfully not gone back to the suite all day today so I have not seen Ellie. she has snapped me, but I did not respond to them.

i'm kind of stressed out over this ADE crowdfunding thing and it makes me mad because I didn't have to take this class and I wish I hadn't now. because it is kind of a bummer and takes up a lot of time. but we will see what happens.

I wrote a sonnet just now. about Josh. so cool. do you want to hear it? I realize you don't get to see all of my poems, just the ones that start here. so maybe i'll share some with you. but here is the sonnet now, I already edited it and worked on it a bit, it will probably be revised some more.

Four Years Ago

Butterflies started before homeroom

when I knew I would see your face,
the start of a day when our sly smiles resume
and your every word made my heart race.

Text messages bounced from me to you
slowly building a connection in the air
for us to begin to step on as we outgrew
texts for running fingers through hair.

Each weekend we would test

how long goodbyes could take,
resting my head on your chest
ignoring time for love’s sake.

But love is easy for youth,

three words said that are no longer the truth.


ahh i'm tired though. I really just want to go to sleep. Ellie and Amelie are at a SODA. I just want to go to bed. but at least i'm making some money. 5 hours, $75 i'm at now. if they take another hour then i'm at $90. and now i'm done doing anything as long as the kids stay asleep.

anyways, cool, I don't even know what else to talk about now.

I don't know why i'm thinking about jobs now but I am. so I want to lay out my options.

SPOTIFY - new york
pros:
- good pay
- pretty secure typical job
- good benefits
- nearish by home
- anahita and rachel
cons:
- in ny
- large company
- away from the business
- expensive city

NASHVILLE
pros:
- close to music
- small town feel
- already know people
- low cost of living
- small company
cons:
- low pay
- everyone is doing music
- have to seriously pay dues to get anywhere
- I don't know where/what

ABROAD INTERNSHIP
pros:
- experience a new culture and get away
- now is the time to live abroad
- do something new
- build up my resume
- can find a job in the US later
- fun! travel!
cons:
- low pay if any
- away from home
- don't know anyone
- a big challenge
- still interning
- maybe hard to find a job when I get back or in the same spot as before

OTHER NEW YORK JOB
pros:
- nearby home
- can make connections in new york
- anahita & Rachel
cons:
- don't know what
- in ny
- expensive
- maybe low pay

so after this it looks like if I don't get this Spotify job, then it is between Nashville and abroad. maybe leaning towards abroad. but we will see. okay I should sleep.

okay so i'm in paris but I had a call with a Spotify recruiter about a position for Artist Insight Campaign Manager which is exactly what I would want to be doing if I was at Spotify. but I feel like I blew it. she just seemed super annoyed the whole time. and I wouldn't give her my salary expectations so I just said I had no salary expectations and I don't know if I messed that up. I could have easily just said what I was making as an intern or more. but I don't know. whatever. that's done I guess. I will see if I get onto the next round and if she passes my resume on. I hope to god that I do.

I tell myself that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I didn't get Spotify because then I could do whatever, like move to New Zealand or Ireland or do something closer related to music. but then I wonder if I am just telling myself that because I am worried. as a way out if I don't get it. because getting Spotify would be a stable income and great benefits and it would be a great job. it is sort of the standard, what people sort of expect me to do. not that that matters. but it would be great to start saving and pay off my student loans and it would be a good stable job. but I would have to live in new york which I would rather not do.

but I guess it is out of my hands now. we will see what happens.

I still got two full days and one day of traveling to get through here. I can't wait for my spring break to be over.

don't get me wrong, I love Paris and I love being here and seeing everything but I don't love the company and it's just exhausting.

heyy so i'm in Paris. Ellie is here. I am still constantly annoyed by her but I am dealing with it as I have for the past three years.

this trip is just reinforcing how I do not enjoy hanging out with her. everything is so negative. just the stories and experiences she shares, always negative. she really isn't that fun. and her feet her. she has huge bunions on her feet so her shoes hurt them and then if she wears different shoes that don't hurt her bunions they have no arch support so her arches hurt. it's like suck it up. we are tourists we are going to walk, you have to be prepared for that. what did you think we were going to be doing in Paris? it is literally all walking.

but I am just keeping my mouth shut and trying to avoid a breakdown or freaking out because it is only Sunday and we are here until Friday. so much fun.

I am so tired. the last few weeks have exhausted me.

my poetry portfolio is done. I am almost all packed. but I still have basically this full crowdfunding campaign to put together. what we have now sucks. I know it. but I haven't had time to really work on it. so that will be happening while in paris. great. and paris I am going to have to deal with ellie and literally I just can't handle her or put up with her at all. I realize just how much I don't like her. I know I have to change my mindset if I am going to enjoy paris at all. but right now that's where I am and it sucks.

i'm just getting so worn down and spring break is supposed to be a break but I feel like it is going to be just as crazy.

but I can do it. tomorrow i'll go to class from 9am to 3pm like a champ and then I don't think it is even worth doing the voiceover because I am going to want to change it. so i'll just hand in my portfolio, come back to the room, and finish packing. and then while i'm at the airport and on the plane I can work on the crowdfunding stuff and have that done by Monday. cool. awesome. bedtime now.

i'm trying not to let myself get stressed out right now. I don't really have a reason to. like I can handle what is happening right now. but here is the deal I guess.

so today was a successful day of avoiding Ellie. I woke up early so I could get some work done before FME review session at 9:45. I basically wrote the whole essay then so that's good. I did the FME review session which was basically me just in front of the class for an hour. and then we had a meeting with Professor Vroman which was good. and then I talked to Vik about his love life for a bit and quickly told me the Prateek update and a very brief friend stress summary. and then I went to lunch with Amelie and we talked about everything Ellie related. and she is kind of on the same page as me, but i'm in my fuck it stage. basically I just have to keep it together until after Paris then i'll probably just go ape-shit. i'm going to hold onto that letter until I need it. I am hoping she can process everything on her own and just get over it. but I am not apologizing and I don't feel bad at all. new Molly is focused on herself and doing what she needs to do.

anyways then I went to Wellesley to do some ADE work with Xi Xi which was fine. and babysitting got cancelled which was amazing. I haven't had to go for a while which is great actually. so I went to the Wellesley town library which is also amazing. they have all these work spots and it is so quiet and it is perfect. I can just come hide here and get work done and no one I know can find me. it is so perfect. so I finished my essay and the poem that went with it. i'm kind of proud of the poem. it is full of sexual innuendos but on the surface it is about babson, so that is fun.

and then I went back to campus to go to Vik's etowner housewarming party thing. which was kind of awkward because I didn't know anyone, but I did talk to a few people. but then it ended with me stealing pizza and going and eating it in my car. and then I had to decide where to go next, back to the dorm, the library, Reynolds, but it is freezing out. so I decided to drive back to the Wellesley library because it is open until 9. so here I am.

things I still have to do tonight: prep for my negotiations class tomorrow because we are filming it tomorrow. and it is for a job negotiation too, like I have the offer and need to negotiate my salary and my duties and all, so how about real world situation. and I just heard from Felicia about Spotify and she isn't recruiting anymore so I have to reach out to manager, who I know won't know of anything. and then I also have to plan these FME team retreats. and I also have a ton of ADE work to be done as well. and I still have the whole Ellie thing looming over me. and I have no time tomorrow. so I need to do everything tonight. I think i'm going to go talk to Derek for a minute, get in a better mood, and then get to work. the clock is ticking until I get kicked out of this library.