hi so I came back to babson to visit and it makes me miss shanghai so much. like I feel so out of place and out of the loop. there are all these faces I don't recognize. I don't feel like I can contribute to the conversations. and I don't have anything to say. joe kept asking me to tell a story but I had no idea what to say or where to start. so I told them to ask me questions and ellie asks me "what is the biggest cultural difference" like what?! I don't know how to answer that. and it was just so awkward. like they are talking about cars and their finals and what happened the other day. and i'm just like...ummm...and then we went out to dinner with Ellie and then Sarah L and Colin who I am not even that close with and we went to the local and I wasn't feeling that great and everything on the menu looked unappetizing so I got a flatbread not realizing it was really just a pizza and I didn't like that either. and now I am hiding in ellie's room because I am staying over because I have an interview for an internship at Spotify tomorrow in boston and I hear Sarah complaining about how the grilled cheese she bought was so expense when we could have just gone to Qdoba. sorry I didn't want to go to Qdoba, and I would have went to CPK but you are the one who said to pull into the local. which I didn't enjoy either. and then later Gerber was actually asking me questions but like..."do you feel like the buzzfeed article when you return from abroad? ... like you feel above everyone else and all cultured and stuff" and I was like noooo not at all, I just feel out of the loop, and asked if I missed it and I said I did and ellie said "but not as much as she missed me!" and then Gerber was asking me about the food which was good but then she got sidetracked and was asking me if they had all these weird flavours of stuff since her friend went to japan and they had this this and this. and I don't know, I just feel really awkward and I don't know what to say and it really sucks. I just want to go back. and it sucks just having this huge part of your life but you don't know how to share and communicate it to your friends. and them not knowing what to ask or whatever. and really I am just looking forward to going back home and curling up by myself. at least my family asks me questions and such that were good when we were driving home from the airport.

but I just ranted to Kristen about how it is so hard and blah. I am just going to go to sleep now...