hi i'm really tired and I should go to sleep but I just finished watching the movie Almost Famous and I really liked it and now i'm in that happy movie daze after you finish watching a movie.

so Christmas was good. whatever I was complaining about before was over with quickly, I said I was sorry, and it was like it never happened. that's what is great about my family, we will just forget it and move on. but Christmas was nice and we all played nice and appreciated each other and everything. so overall it was a...satisfying? content? Christmas.

other than that I went over to the lake house to see my dad and I finally met his new kids. it was really awkward. and at one point I had to try not to cry because I just took a step back and saw him with this new family all shiny and new for him to have fun with. and I think of my family he just tossed aside who are broken and struggling but who I love so much and who are so amazing and wonderful. but he choose them.

so I only stayed over there for a little bit before I left. I have to make it clear where my allegiances lie. I may be the only sister talking to my dad but that doesn't mean I won't side with them every single time. oh also, for Christmas my dad gave me $100 more. so I guess it pays to suck it up and go see your father even though he won't tell you he is getting married.

but I got it the easiest out of my sisters. I haven't had to deal with the shit they have. you should see some of the texts he sends them, it is horrible and no father should send that to his kids. it's weird though because I am thinking he if talked like that to me...it would be over and I would snap. but yet I haven't done anything even though he has said stuff to my sisters. i mean i found out about that stuff after the fact and it wasn't like there was really anything for me to do. but anyways i don't know.

that's the hardest part about all of this is that i don't know what to do. am i supposed to be going over there? or what i am supposed to say to him? am i supposed to stand up to him and tell him all the wrong he is doing? since I've been home we have acted like all the drama about him not telling me he was getting married didn't happen. and apart from his girlfriend hiding from him when i met him at the office, she has acted like none of those facebook messages happened - which by the way he of course sides with her and didn't think they were bad. wait stop molly we aren't going there again.

okay yeah so anyways now my life is going back and forth between dealing with this shit and pretending it doesn't exist. we are just happen the four of us here though as long as we aren't reminded about any of the following: 1. we have to sell our house and move into a house 3x smaller 2) we have to pay for two college tuitions next year and currently are not getting any financial aid 3) apart from working at the barn, my mom isn't working 4) our dad is an asshole 5) and i am sure there is more but you get the point.

overall though, i am grateful and happy with life right now. it is what it is.

also just a reminder this is not an all inclusive look into my life. it's some highlights, some lowlights, and some just plain lights. so don't take this as my entire life. there is a lot i don't write about and that doesn't mean those parts are any less important than those i do write about. okay?