so I really haven't been telling you what has been going on.

okay first two weekends ago I think it was when I came home, daddy was filming a commercial for yankee home and that's when I first met his girlfriend. I had to go to the office to bring the dog there or whatever and then she came and I met her there and it was kind of awkward but it was whatever. she was nice and all. but it was strange meeting her for the first time without daddy or my sisters there and yeah I don't know. but when I was driving home I just broke home and started crying. just the whole thing hasn't really sunk in I guess and i'm not okay with it. just that he has a girlfriend and our parents are still together.

I know it's been a year but really that is no time at all compared to the 18 years before when they were together. I had no idea this was going on before I got that horrible phone call. and then there was that horrible thanksgiving break last year and Christmas break was horrible too with of that. then I was at school. then over the summer I was working at camp and then it was just like go to the lake or go home and there was no girlfriend. and it was very separate and you didn't really have to deal with the fact that they weren't together. it was just you saw mommy at home and you saw daddy at the lake. and while it was still hard and some parts were a lot harder than others, we dealt with it mostly by not thinking about it.

but then this whole girlfriend thing happened so quickly. like he told Maeve and Maura about it only a few weeks before they met her. they met her the day before I did apparently and they never told me which also made me upset. but then apparently she is always around now. like they went zip lining with her and her daughter and son - which I also was never told about. and apparently she is at the lake a lot.

but anyways let me continue my story. so the day after the filming I went over to the lake to see daddy and he didn't tell me that she was going to be there and she was. it was fine though. we just talked for a bit then I went back to school.

then I didn't really hear about anything until one day when Maeve randomly texted me initially just saying that she loved me and missed me. then later how she was so stressed out and having a hard time. she didn't tell me anything then. but then a few days later she texts me saying "I need you" and when I finally got her on the phone she was just balling and crying. and how she feels like no one cares. how Maura is distant and mommy is still upset sometimes and how Maeve gets stuck in the middle of mommy and daddy, like when daddy didn't pick Maura up or something. and how now the girlfriend is always around. and even when she isn't she feels like her dad isn't there and he is on the phone or whatever. and then when maeve asked if she could go to the barn or something, he gave her a hard time, and about how it is so expensive and he told her how he doesn't have any money in his bank account. and him and his girlfriend are always talking about how her daughter is awesome and everything.

and there are a few problems with this. daddy and mommy and still married. so daddy shouldn't be having his girlfriend everywhere. like okay we met her, but now she doesn't have to be everywhere. we aren't ready for that. especially when it is still hard for all of us to deal with. and he shouldn't be telling maeve about how he doesn't have any money because she shouldn't have to worry about that and he shouldn't put that on her. and he doesn't need to be talking about how awesome his girlfriend's daughter is when he doesn't even pay attention to his own daughters. and he shouldn't be giving maeve a hard time about riding when that it the one thing that makes her happy.

but it was horrible hearing maeve crying on the phone and I was crying and it was awful. and that was the day before her birthday. so that is why I decided to surprise her. and she told me that earlier that morning on her birthday apparently for English class they had one-on-one talks with their teacher out in the hallway. and when her teacher asked her how she was doing, maeve was like ehh not great, and her teacher said something nice, and maeve just started crying. like here is this 17 year old girl on her birthday crying because of this whole stupid family thing.

so I am glad I came for her birthday. and then that also made me decide to come home.

daddy had gotten me tickets to see Kate Nash for my birthday (before the girlfriend existed to us). so that was on Friday. and of course the girlfriend came too. so maeve, Maura, daddy, and the girlfriend drove up and got me. and we got dinner at Minados. which daddy had brought me to at the beginning of last year. and it was okay. the conversation was really the girlfriend talking for most of it. and I did not like seeing her feed him and talking about how he needs to try new things. and acting like that you know. not like they were lovely dovey but just acting like a couple I guess. but dinner was fine whatever. the concert wasn't that great. we didn't even end up standing next to them which was whatever, probably for the better. then we drove home and I couldn't fall asleep whatever. but then daddy got tired and I don't know if he said something or whatever. and maeve was really concerned and was like "do you want one of us to drive?" and the girlfriend was like yeah we could drive or whatever she said and daddy was like no, so she was like it's okay i'll keep him awake. so she was talking to him and he wasn't really responding so it was a one way conversation of just hearing her talking. and then he almost hit a car and probably would have if maeve hadn't said anything. but he still wouldn't let anyone else drive. and I don't know what it was - listening to her talk. and just daddy being like on his best behavior or not acting like himself, and the whole situation, I just started crying. and maeve realized it and she gave me her headphones and phone to listen to music so I didn't have to listen to her. thank god. and we had been holding hands the whole ride but she held my hand again. and I was just crying and crying. silently of course so I don't think anyone else heard. but I was just horrible. like I am about to cry again now writing about it.

I mean she is a good person and all but I just can't handle it. i'm not ready. I had too much. I was exhausted. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know how maeve and Maura do it. oh right, maeve breaks down in school, Maura distances herself and focuses on her friends. it's just so bad. and I don't think daddy even sees how hurt we are. he is so selfish, he wants his girlfriend to be there for everything now that we met her and doesn't see that we would rather just spend time with him.

and oh I forgot to mention how at minados there was the waiter we had last time that apparently my dad knew from coming before and made me take a picture with him. this was at the beginning of the last school year before the whole separation/divorce thing. but I found out yesterday that he took that picture and sent it to his now-girlfriend. like what the hell. he was still with my mom. but apparently him and his girlfriend knew each other for more than a year before the break-up happened. and he told us how nothing was going on and he "cheated" in my mom's eyes but never really did anything. and how stuff happened before maybe but not now. BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE HE WAS TAKING FUCKING PICTURES OF ME TO SEND TO THIS WOMAN WHO WAS NOT MY MOM AND NOW I'M CRYING AND I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

tomorrow i'm going to go back to school and i'm going to forget about it until Maeve sends me a text about what is going on or until i'm back for thanksgiving and apparently he has us for thanksgiving and i'm sure she is going to be there. and I don't know if I can do that. I just want to be with mommy at my house for thanksgiving. because i'm not thankful for this situation that made my sisters and me so hurt and upset.

I just need to go to sleep. and cry some more.