hi, it's one am so you're going to get the closet thing you'll ever get to a drunk post. okay maybe you'll get one of those eventually but not now.

this is such a strange world. amazing sometimes. but strange. and you try to figure it out but you really can't. like i'm pretty sure there is a reason why Sydel was put into my life. to give me support and someone who believes in me who is here at babson too. and i hope i am helping her a bit too.

and it's weird who becomes your friends. like today i hung out with mike, roxy, and joe for a while. and roxy and i started talking on facebook and ended up living next to each other and went to china together. and then mike is her boyfriend but he is pretty cool too even if i just know him because of her. and i did not like joe when i first met him. i did not want him in my fme group, when i saw his name i was not happy. but i'm glad that he was in fme and he's my friend. i want to kill him the majority of the time but he isn't a bad guy.

but i really need another guy in my life that i can flirt with because joe is looking more and more like a potential option and i can't do that. like he is nice and a good friend but i can't see myself going out with me. maybe i could but it wouldn't work unless he changed...like stopped with the comments and negativity and yeah...and i can't ask anyone to change for me and i wouldn't expect them to so that isn't going to work.

but it was interesting today when joe had to pick out of 3 other girls and myself as to who he would bring to dinner, after initally trying to pick someone else as a joke, he picked me. and when i seemed happy, they asked if would actually go, and i was like yeah free dinner. then joe was like so molly what are you doing tomorrow night? sort of kidding but he might have been serious. and there were other comments like how he is woking on getting a girlfriend, which is why he was in wgb. then i made a comment about how all the girls that were playing uno with us left. then he gestured to me since i was still there, and i was like yeah no never. but it's kind of nice to think that someone would want to date me. haven't had that since josh, and the fail with adam munska before that. and then i thought maybe adam daniere was interested but that proved not to be true. so i don't know, sometimes you question whether you will ever find someone. i think that i'm not pretty enough, i don't have a personality that anyone would like, i'm too this or not, or not enough something else. but it's nice to think that maybe someone is interested in you, even if you aren't that interested in them. but when they are interested in you, it does make them somewhat more interesting. hey, just saying, but i could do a lot worse than joe.

i might just be saying that because i'm desperate but i don't know.

i guess i'll wait and see how the rest of this year goes or i'll get myself a hot guy from china or spain.

i really should sleep and stop analyzing my love life because i don't have one.

i don't want to sleep, i want to talk more. i have nothing else to talk about without getting depressed and thinking about sucky things. i was going to write yucky there but i wrote sucky instead which is just as accurate.

actually i'll write a list of happy things:
- it was a beautiful day today
- i am warm and cozy in my bed
- i am listening to amazing music by taylor mathews
- i have awesome friends
- i am at an amazing school
- i have the opportunity to travel
- i have traveled
- i love my family even though
- i'm smart
- the internet
- my horse
- this weekend i get to relax at a house by myself with only a puppy
- i have so much promise and potential and the whole future in front of me

that was more things i am grateful for, which is good too because thanksgiving is coming too.

okay i think i'm going to listen to this song and then go to sleep. and then i'm not setting my alarm tomorrow because i've had too many early days in a row. actually it's been 2 weeks that i haven't been able to sleep in and had to get up to an alarm. it's okay, i love it though. i actually like being busy.

sleep, molly, sleep.