okay should i start with the bad stuff?

well the divorce between my mom and dad is very messy and not good at all. my dad said that they are going to have to spend a lot of money on lawyers. not exactly what you want to hear. and then i was talking to my mom about josh last night. guess why it came up? because she said that josh's mom posted a status about how she was glad her son wasn't jealous because so many pictures. umm, excuse me my mom posted two pictures, one with Taylor and one with Alex. and you shouldn't worry because they are super rockstars...actually she should worry because they are super hot and they know who we are and we hung out with Taylor after the show and i went to get dinner with him and we have a lunch date with Alex in Boston. so what up. i've seen them more than i've seen your son lately. oo, was that mean? whatever. like honestly stay out of your son's relationship. i guess she could have been talking about one of her other sons but...probs not. but anyways back to the whole parents getting divorced thing. yeah we were talking about that my mom was like was you aren't gonna marry your first boyfriend, and how i sort of have moved on. she basically told me to break up with him in that motherly kind of way. but then she was like "don't get married when you are 21...or 22" hinting at the whole marriage with my dad thing that is about to be a divorced. yeah...got that. but blahh. i hate all the divorce stuff, it is so yucky and i hate it.

what else is bad? oh right when my dad came up for Easter i found out that he just got cancer removed from his back! not only are my mom and dad getting a divorce but my dad has cancer! okay well he said it was all removed and he is fine now, but he only told me after it happened. so who knows if he actually does have some now. and also the only reason why he told me was because he needed help changing his bandage because it is right in the middle of his back and he can't reach it...

like honestly i don't know what to think about everything. and throw on top of all the parents stuff the fact that i am probably going to break up with josh the next time we talk. we are on a "break" now which means no talking. i think about him occasionally, more like in a panic like "crap, i haven't texted josh" then i realized i don't have to. so i think breaking up with him will be a relief...until i go through the phase where i miss him, but i'll get over that and i'll be fine! then i'll be available to Taylor.

yeah i don't think Taylor and I will ever actually get together. because i am too awkward and quiet and whatever. he is outgoing and confident. really i just need to grow up some. because even though he is only three years older than me, almost two, he seems so much older. like when i went out to dinner with him, Zuri, and their friend Jennifer it was so awkward. well i think it would have been better if Jennifer wasn't there because she was sort of taking all of Taylor's attention. I can't blame her though! she just moved to NYC so she doesn't seem them anymore so she must have wanted to make sure she got her time in...i don't know. i can think about what i would do differently...talk more, be more outgoing. but what happened, happened. so next time i will make sure i talk a bunch and try to be more outgoing. i'll try. working on it. college is helping. i'm growing up! well i would like to think so but i think i still look kind of young. though Hollywood Ending might have been checking us out...yeah yeahh.

okay i need to get some food then i can tell you some more!

okay i got food but i have to finish this application for Camp Norwhich then we are going to the barn. talk later...or i'll write more later.