okay so I haven't written here in a long time. I am currently in Ireland, yes, I made it.

graduation sucked. like after graduation. the ceremony was fine because I just went were they told me to and that was it. but afterwards was so overwhelming, like we had to get all the friends together to take pictures and I had a bunch of different people telling me where to go. and I had my family and my mom and dad were obviously both there and that was super awkward. my auntie lorrie kept asking if we wanted a picture of the 5 of us, and I kept saying no. because that is so fake. I don't want a picture of our fake family, we are split. and it sucks. so anyways I posed for a few pictures and then I just left and went to lunch with my dad and sisters which was fine.

then I get back to the dorm and i'm the first one back so I start packing. and i'm pretty much done but I decide to stick around to try to help Amelie. because she had to get over to the cocktail party thing her parents were hosting. so I start going through the kitchen stuff. most of which is not mine. and I am told to just give everything to Roxy. but how am I supposed to get it to Roxy? luckily there was a huge cardboard box in the closet so I start putting in stuff. and then Amelie just leaves. so I just keep going through all the kitchen and common area stuff. and then Ellie asks if I need help and at that point i'm pretty pissed and it's clear she just wants to leave anyways so I just say nope. and then i'm still there clearing everything out. and i'm not done until like 6-6:30 when I was basically ready to leave at 4. and then of course I have to figure out how to get stuff to Roxy and she says she will come get it. and I was in tears at this point. I missed the whole party thing that they were at because I was cleaning out all their shit they didn't want to deal with. and then I waited 30 minutes for Roxy and she still wasn't there so I called and told her I was just leaving it there. and then I drove home. and I am still pissed off about this. like really pissed off still. and then Ellie left some crying voicemail or something. and I tried to just text her something to calm her down and keep her off my case. and then I ignored her for a bit. and then she texted about apartments in Kentucky so I text her back so she wouldn't freak out that I was ignoring her. and then later she texts asking when she can come see me. and I say no. and she is like not even for a hug? and I say no, I want to spend as much time as I can with family. and her response is "Wow." and after that I was so mad and upset about the whole thing that I didn't respond to Amelie and Roxy. and I just messaged Amelie but I am still pretty upset at her too. ugh it makes me upset. just because I have to clean up every one else's shit and they don't think about me or don't really care and just think about themselves. I can't even think about it more it makes me so upset. I had texted Amelie if she wanted her printer and she responds with "what primer?" because she didn't read. and she didn't text the whole night. and Ellie thinks she is a good friend, like she checked in after it was too late to help, and she had asked to help and she called three times but she isn't doing that for me...she is doing that for herself because she needs constant validation from everyone else, especially from me. she is doing it so she feels like she is a good friend, not because she is actually a good friend. seen from the "Wow." response, not understanding that I literally just lived with her for a whole school year and I have barely seen my family who I am not going to see all summer. aaaarrraaagghhh. whatever. I should try to sleep but i'm all worked up now. and I have more to tell you but that's all I can write now. okay goodbye.