things I should be doing right now:
- finishing my homework
- studying for the quiz tomorrow
- showering
- going through my clothes/cleaning

instead I have a lot to talk about and i'm procrastinating.

let's see where I left off last time. (okay so the last post never went through, I think I wrote it on November 1st)

so I've talked to my dad. and when he called me he didn't even tell me right way and then he just mentioned it like it I already  knew or whatever. like yeah sure I already knew but it would be nice if you told me. and I kind of freaked out and got really upset. and he started spinning it on me, like it was my fault that I didn't contact him and tell him my texts weren't working and that I didn't tell him that I was going to Hong Kong. well there is a big difference between me not saying i'm taking a trip and him not telling his daughter he is getting married. so stupid.

and what makes it even stupider is that his girlfriend messaged me on facebook all this shit. about her pass and how her ex was worse and about how don't I just want everyone to be happy and how this is hurting my dad and how don't I want things to be better and how we will never accept her and how she tried to leave my dad because of us and how she will call off the marriage and blah blah blah all shit. and I responded very nicely and said thank you for your concern and all, but it doesn't really concern you and we just need time. and then she went off on me again and gave another whole rant. and then blocked me on facebook. for like two days and then unblocked. like what the hell? leave me alone, it doesn't have anything to do with you. you are really not helping by acting like a middle schooler sending me long blackmail like rants and telling me to what to do/think/feel and then blocking me. i'm sorry but I have the right to feel/think/do what I want and my dad not telling me that he was getting married made me upset. maybe I didn't handle it in the best way but i'm only 20 and i'm not perfect. so please cut me some slack. this divorce has not be easy in any way.

and then my dad sent me some email today about how he was watching a movie called "Begin Again" and how he thought of me and hoped we could begin again and that he was sorry he made me upset. and I don't even know what to think of that or how to respond. so stupid.

but Kristen got me through it and helped me with everything. I had talked to him in the morning and made it through Chinese class but then I skipped my communication class and went to the movies with Kristen. but then it turns out I shouldn't have skipped class because we were only there an hour (instead of 3) and didn't do anything and he made sure he knew who wasn't there and we didn't do the little presentations we were supposed to do. but whatever. I didn't want to go and while I still feel bad because I don't usually skip class I needed to just take a break. and a few months from now i'll completely forget about that class so we are good.

umm okay different. let me talk about how last night I went to a punk rock strange concert with Derek and it was cool to see. and then we walked around for an hour trying to find the French concession. and we found it. and it was just really nice and relaxing. there's nothing like romantic or feeling wise going on - I just liked hanging out and talking with him and I felt completely comfortable the whole time. which was really nice and different from what I am used to. I think that's just the kind of guy Derek is, he is just so laid back and open that it is easy to talk to him. hopefully I didn't make a fool out of myself because I one point I said that I didn't think very highly of the boys in this program and after now that I am thinking about it I realize that isn't entirely true, that there are actually a good number of boys who are okay. so I feel bad that I said that. but whatever. but I hope he had a good time, it wasn't all that excited and probably wasn't what he usually does on a Saturday night. but he seems sort of go with the flow so hopefully that was good.

umm what else. I did nothing today because I was super lazy. yesterday roxy took me, Nasser, Lillian who was visiting from Hong Kong, and a friend of Claire's (a girl from babson, i'm sure I talked about her before) Brandon, to this shooting/archery place which was pretty cool. and then I did the whole concert thing with Derek.

Josh was gone in Beijing all weekend. but both times he was on the train, on the way there and back he texted me. I am pretty sure he was just bored and he isn't too good on this texting game and I am sorting giving the minimal amount because I am not really sure where we stand. cause I am trying hard not to have feelings for him. I know it is just like a little crush/infatuation thing but I am trying very hard to keep it at the friend level. especially since he has already gone on two dates with this random Chinese girl he met. but I got him to tell me about it. and he came and visited me after his class/tutoring session the other day and we just talked for a bit. we will see how often I see him next week since he is a home stay student and all. and if he just texts me when he is bored or when he wants to meet up and do something.

oooooh I forgot that I woke up at 8am this morning to get video called into the hotel party tour. which honestly was just sad. I cried during multiple songs. because it wasn't the same not being there. it was so strange. I was just by myself in this room in china watching via bad quality video. it lost a lot of its magic. but I told roxy and she was like "why didn't you tell me! I would have watched with you" so I was thinking about not skyping into the one next weekend that my family is going to, but she said she would watch with me so maybe i'll watch it with her and maybe get Kristen to watch too. but I get to miss all of that drama this week, they will be staying at my house from sunday until Thursday night I believe. and they being: Taylor, Zuri, Kyle, and Jennifer (who I met when I went out to dinner with them way back during the Loud Tour days) she is helping Zuri but apparently there is something going on between her and Kyle which makes things awkward. but I wouldn't know because I am not there.

umm oh another nice story for you. after work on Thursday I walked 20 minutes over to a restaurant where I met two of my friend, Elaina and Gianna and we had all you can eat mini-burgers sliders, French fries, chicken wings, and sangria and it was delicious and also really nice. so that was a highlight. I just really have to make sure I get out of my normal routine. like today I was inside all day but I also needed a down day. what I need to do is start scheduling a weekend trip or two. I need to talk to Roxy, Kristen, and Josh, and maybe Derek too. and maybe Elaina. wow look at me with all my friends, now it is hard to decide who to include in my travel plans. that's fun wooo.

okay game plan molly:
- record your voice recording
- do a little studying for the quiz tomorrow
- shower
- sleep or if you are still awake then organize clothes
awesome team, break!