so I saw a picture of Josh, Colin, Nicole, and Abby that came up on my facebook. and for a second I was like, I should be there. then I was like no I shouldn't. but then I was thinking what if I was there what would my life look like.

I went back to my 18th birthday when the four of them were on a cruise without me. and what if they had invited me. then I would have went. and I wouldn't have went to vidcon. I wouldn't have went to Disneyland with Taylor Mathews. I would have never officially met Taylor and hung out with him for a day. so Josh and I would have gotten closer during that trip and I never would have experienced California and saw Vidcon and Taylor. so then maybe once I started college I would have tried harder to stay with Josh because I wouldn't have started second guessing our relationship before college even started. that cruise would have strengthen our relationship and given it the strength it needed to endure a long-distance relationship. and then Taylor never would have become close with our family so he never would have stayed over and I never would have blown off Josh to hang out with Taylor and his mom would never have posted passive aggressive posts on facebook about how I hang out with popstars and not my boyfriend. and I would have been happily stuck. or maybe unhappily. and I may have never gotten interested in the music industry. so I never would have moved to Nashville. I definitely wouldn't have because that would have been leaving my boyfriend who I was in a loving committed relationship with. and maybe I wouldn't be here in china now.

but then I have to remind myself that I am still who I am and I think it probably would have ended the same way.

and looking at it all now if I had to choose between the life I have now and the life I described up there where I would have been in that picture with Josh, Colin, Nicole, and Abby - I would pick this life ten times over definitely definitely.

just look at what I have accomplished and how I have blossomed and grown. I think if I was still in a relationship with josh I would have been held back. so I am proud of myself for spreading my wings and getting out of western Massachusetts. and I don't regret a second of it.

anyways I have to get back to my awesome life here in china. you know cause i'm an awesome jetsetter just traveling all over the place making things happen. because I won't allow myself to get stuck.