i just wanted to say, Merry Christmas. appreciate what you have and your family. give them an extra hug. okay?

this is the first christmas that i can remember, maybe since i was born, that the whole family isn't together. our first christmas without gramma and grampa. i didn't realize how sad that was until today. my mom started crying after she read the christmas card from my dad's cousin in hong kong who always writes a novel about their past year. and they wrote about how they traveled everywhere and blah blah. i'm not sure why she cried about that. maybe because she wishes she could give us that kind of life. i hope not. because i am happy with the life i have. but then she started crying when she read the card from her sister which mentioned gramma and grampa. and now i'm starting to cry. i miss them so much. maeve and maura wore some of their old sweaters today. and i really do miss them. i know they are still looking down and watching us though. they leave us coins to find. gramma leaves pennies, grampa leaves quarters, and my mom's mom Marielle leaves dimes. i keep all of them when i find them. it is nice to know they are still with us but i miss them and wish they were here.

but we survived christmas eve at our dad's house. and we have christmas tomorrow. still not used to do the split holidays. but we might have managed to get new years at home instead of at the lake. anyways i should stop crying and go to sleep.

i love you gramma and grampa and i miss you. thank you for being there for us.