i just want to marry a musician and go on tour with them.

okay that's a lie. while i would love to do that, that's not all i want to do. i also want to have my own business. which would be hard to run while on tour. if anyone could do it, i could do it though.

i haven't taken a break from social media yet but it's still coming.

and i still have to update you on everything that happened. but i'm tired. so i will sleep.

p.s. it's maura's birthday.

like sometimes life just hits you.

like when your grampa dies while you are in the middle of new york city in times square.

and while you are driving home the VMAs are on and all everyone is talking about on twitter are these celebrities and your family is just breaking apart a little bit more.

like i'm freaking done with the whole internet and celebrity thing. i'm done lusting, yearning, whatever the correct word is, over celebrities who i'll always just be a fan to.

i'm taking a break from social media.

now i'm going to curl up in my bed and cry and sleep. i'll talk about this more tomorrow i'm sure.

New youtube favorite.

decided to look and see if i had blogged about Ricky before and YES!

Friday April 22, 2011

New youtube favorite.

Ricky Ficarelli. He's an amazing drum player. And his drum set lights up. I would love to be able to do something like that. Ah he's so good. I wish I could go see him and the other youtube stars at Digitour but they aren't coming anywhere near me, unless I wanted to go to New York on a Sunday night, which I don't really. But he's good.

I'm not sure if I mention him any other time but I don't have time to look now, I have to sleep. Another big concert day tomorrow! Woo! But look at me, more than two years later and I'm off seeing Ricky, ahh love life.

hi. okay so adam never messaged me back on facebook so that's over with. at least i know. i could have sworn he was interested in person though. whatever. i will probably never see him again.

umm i've gone to three concerts the past three nights. bridgit mendler at six flags - where i went on scream and bizarro, which is crazy because i used to never go on any roller coasters and i just went on the biggest ones and yeah that's pretty awesome for me. proud of myself. i'm getting brave and growing up.

second one was megan and liz who are so cute and that concert had so much energy and everyone was so excited. and one girl brought these signs that said "We love you guys to pluto and back" which she handed out to the front row and they all put them up during a certain part of the song and it was so perfect and cute. i loved it. and their merch guy was also cute but i didn't talk to him, my sisters thought it would be creepy if i asked for a picture so we didn't do that.

then okay here is where it gets a bit confusing. Maeve had bought tickets for me and her to go see Alex Goot, Sam Tsui, Kurt Schnieder, and King the Kid in CT! ahhh King the Kid - love them. but anyways then after that AJR announced that they were opening for this tour in NYC, which was the weekend after the CT show. now NYC was sold out but since we have this really strange love for AJR, my mom bought outrageously priced tickets to go see AJR. have i explained who AJR is before? let me check...okay yeah you are caught up actually on the AJR front i believe. okay but we were going to sell our CT tickets because we didn't need to go to two shows, but they never sold so Maeve and I went anyways. and ahhh.

as soon as we got there we saw King the Kid and gave them hugs and got pictures. and they are so sweet and cute and i love them. omg. like i keep looking at that picture of us and i just want to scoop them up and bring them home with him. they are so perfect. but after that we waited in line and met some friends, yay! then we got in and i went to get some food and was chatting with the guy selling the food who was so cute and nice. he has a girlfriend who lives in ashfield though. but it was really nice talking to him actually. then we saw the show and we were over on the side and we were like the only ones jamming out, but that meant to Ricky kept looking at us. ahhh, my fangirl heart. and then at the end of the set he came to give me his drumstick and the lady in front of us who was sitting on the speaker for KTK's whole set jumped up and grabbed it from me. -_- but then after the show we talked to Ricky and Jose and he promised he would give me one in NYC. so yay for that. and the other acts were great too - Sam is a natural performer and he kept singing to us too and he was so cute. but it took way too long to get Alex Goot's set all ready so by the time he was on we were exhausted so we sort of took a break. and he was just sitting on his piano anyways. but he was still really good, he was just his awkward youtube shy self. yeah that was the funny part that a lot of these people are youtubers and aren't used to people interaction. but i am glad we went to this show too because we were able to talk to KTK and see them close us because the venue is small and yeah it was fun.

but i really don't want to get getting KTK feels right now because i know that i will never have a chance with them, they have like ten million girls talking to them every night and trying to get their attention. like i'll never be anyone special to them, just another fan. which sucks. honestly i would rather be friendzoned then fanzoned - at least i'm their friend then. ahh so frustrating.

i understand now when people say they need a boyfriend. i used to be like - who cares, what's the rush? but i understand now. like you just want that person you can go to and talk to about anything, who will understand you, and give you hugs, and want to see you, and yeah. i don't have anyone like that so it's hard. so i think about what it would be like if Ricky or Jose or Ryan or Adam Met was that person. and then it kills me when i realized that it basically impossible.

nothing is impossible. what i need to do is create a killer business so i become famous and they actually give me a chance. or get this published so i become famous and they read it and weep because they are like i would have had a chance with her - if only i - or probably not. but whatever.

this isn't a publicity scheme by the way, i know the odds of this actually being published are slim and that isn't why i'm writing it. it's more for me. so i can get my thoughts down on paper and i can read it years from now and be like - awww look at little Molly fangirling over Ricky. seriously though - have you seen Ricky? and Jose? and even David too. like ahhhh. my heart.

umm what else? i'm proud of myself for driving an hour and a half to the venue and back two nights in a row and not falling asleep. and i'm thankful that Maeve stayed awake with me.

i go back to school....holy crap, i just looked it up and i go back in one week and a weekend. like that is so soon. when i get back there my fangirl self will have to go into hibernation so i can get good grades and focus on school and i'll be working. and wooo.

OH the other thing i wanted to talk about is how i want to be a tour manager and go on tour. like seriously. i could be Zuri's assistant and go tour with Taylor in the spring. i'll almost be 20 by then. i go to enough shows. i am a business person so i'll organized and on top of my shit. i will be great. i will get used to the schedule. and i'll get to travel and ahh it would be great. it would also suck because it's tour but it would be an awesome experience. dude KTK might need a tour manager for their next tour. i'm all over that. as long as i'm not in school. so from may tenth until september first 2014 i'm available for tour managing. hit me up. you don't know what you're missing out on.

okay now i should probably do something productive. like either put my clothes away. go to the barn. then get ready to go to the lake house because i have to spend time with my father. then i will have to get ready for NYC which means showering and washing the hair (which is a process now that it is purple - by the way Ricky said he liked my "ombre purple hair" and i was impressed he knew what ombre was) and then packing! i have to pick out some cute outfits to impress KTK and AJR. who knows when i'll see them again, if i ever will...ahhh no, i love them too much to never see them again. me and every other fangirl who will never see them again, or only see them if they go on tour. sucks to suck. honestly though being a fan sucks sometimes - a lot of the time. at least i'm lucky with Taylor and we are a step above fans - I mean i have his number in my phone and he has mine. so we're cool. i have to remember that sometimes. but then it gives me unrealistic expectations for other fan-artist relationships i have. but me and Taylor have been working on this relationship for years. haha that sounds ridiculous. but actually though over 3 years of being a Taylor Mathews fangirl. #fanfromthestart

no i just used a hashtag on my blog. i'm done.

hi so i'm sleepy but i haven't posted here in a while and i felt like it. i finally ready delirium by lauren oliver today and it was so good. i loved it. and i really want the next one. i read the only thing in one day - granted, i am a fast reader and half the time i'll skim the page without realizing it to get to the dialogue. it's a bad habit.

but today was a day of doctor and dentist appointments and yuck. but they both went well. no cavities, what's up! it was also a day of messaging Adams on facebook. i messaged Adam Met and Adam Deniere. Adam Met messaged back right away and messaged my mom - enough so we could find out that hanging out with them is out of the picture, except for maybe after the show or something. we will see, but i am pretty sure Ryan has a girlfriend anyways soooo i really should back up there. talking about AJR by the way. at least we will be able to see them perform. and then i messaged Adam from camp and he finally just read it - but no response yet. i'll probably end up going to sleep. i hate the whole waiting game. and this isn't even as bad as it has been with other peeps.

i wish i knew what he was thinking though when he read it and what he is thinking now and if it's going to respond or what. blah. that's the thing though, you never really know the whole story. you have what people say, their actions, or what they post online - but you don't hear their inner thoughts, you don't see the story behind that picture. even this blog. you think you know me - but you don't really, do you? like i haven't mentioned anything about the whole divorce thing which affects my family every day - like when your mother has to correct the whole phone number thing at the dentist office and say how he isn't living in the same house as the kids. and refers to him as "soon to be ex-husband" which just sets knifes through my chest. and when she was going to have me go into the office if he was there so she wouldn't have to talk to him. it kills me to be in the middle of it. i can only imagine that it is ten times worse for my sisters.

yuck. adam just message me back so i can think about that instead of this. or not. just read my message and not respond that's cool too.

i'm just going to sleep. night.

I can't wait to go back to school so I can pretend to have a life and friends. 

I'm just sitting on the couch watching a kids show. And I am thinking about how I have no friends. And I start bawling because I feel alone and I miss Josh and I miss Abby. I miss them so much. I miss having people to hang out with and to talk to and someone to talk to about my day. 

And I know I'm being ridiculous. I am so incredibly lucky and blesses and here I am crying because I miss my old friends. Like I need to get a grip on life and remember what is important. 

Actually I probably just need to sleep. And get some new friends. 

Well, at least I can get some sleep. And for the second part, maybe I can try to start crying first. 

i am so tired right now. sleep over last night at camp. so from 8:30am on thursday until 5pm on Friday i was working and i'm exhausted. i love those girls though. i'm going to miss them so much. i really hope they all have amazing lives. one more week to go. i'm going to miss camp. at the same time though, i won't.

okay so i really need to be a successful businesswoman and make a shit ton of money. why? not for me. so i can do random acts of kindness. i know that RAOK don't have to be money but money is always appreciated and needed and it helps.

like  the other day we went to see one of Lou's friends Melissa Polinar at the Iron Horse and she was playing with three other people. one of the guys, i think his name was Matt, said that he had one shirt left so it is $1,000. i wish i could have gone up to him and been like, so where is that $1,000 i would like to buy it. and then let him keep the shirt and the money. just out of the blue like that. being able to go on kickstarter and indiegogo and give the last boost they need to send them over their goal. i just want to help them so much.

of course there are perks for me too but that isn't the important part. like really what i want more than a house on Muholland Drive or being able to travel the world is to be able to change some people's lives for the better. go find a musician in the subway and slip a few $100 bills in his hat. help a woman set up a store for her to sell her jewlery out of. (see, i know that sometimes money isn't the solution but still) give Taylor or AJR or Alex the money they need to get their name out there so everyone knows how amazing they are.

i don't know, maybe i'm crazy, maybe you think i'm ridiculous or that i could do better. yeah i would love it if my business was able to help. or maybe you are thinking - why wait molly, go do something right now like some people are doing. and you're right i should be doing something right now. fuck. i need to go do something. i need a cause. no i don't, i just need to do something to make a change right now. ahahaskdjflalksdfjl, frustration.

side thought. the only business idea i have now is basically a website for fangirls. like partner up with musicians to give them like a profile and then people make accounts and with that account they spread the word of this musician and they get points and recognition for than supportive activities. so basically the fans get rewarded and the musician gets marketing from the fans. idk, it's really rough and i'm not sure how it would function.

but i don't think i'm going to get anything done tonight so i am going to sleep. i'm tired. 9 more days of work. woot woot.

hi this is my 1,200th post and when i look at the blog it will be my 2,900th page view. wooo.

where did i leave off? i don't know. but no farther development on the friend front really. clare, cortney, and i are going to do something next week i think, hopefully. i need friends. still. and adam and i still talk at camp but still haven't gotten a text or a mention about hanging out. i wanted to ask today when we were hanging out but i never had a chance to. but the girls this week are perfect. i have 11 third graders and i couldn't ask for a better group, they are so awesome. except slow. i wish we weren't late to everything but that's okay.

what else? oh right our whole concert weekend extravaganza. so basically we went to Taylor Swift then drove straight to New Jersey. we were going to stop at a hotel in CT but when we were like 10 minutes away mommy just decided to keep going straight to New Jersey. so i stayed up with her the whole time and got no sleep. we got to balloon fest around 6am, watched them set off the air balloons with the sun rise, then we went to a hotel near by and used their public restroom (which there was only one of) to get ready and then went to Dunkin Donuts to use their outlets to charge our phones and for Maeve to straighten her hair. then we went over to the venue! and a little girl actually recognized us as the 3videosisters which was pretty awesome. and then we saw AJR and i basically freaked out, you hear me on the vlog saying "they are so cute, i'm dying, i can't" about them. we didn't have much time to talk to them because there were a whole bunch of people waiting to get pictures and stuff. but we gave them some candy and they recognized us, okay well Adam did, who is literally the sweetest. and they told us that our video is going to be in their official video for I'm Ready. which is pretty awesome. then we got a picture and were on our way. BUT THEN THEY DIDN'T PLAY. i'll get to that in a second though. then we met Aja who is so awesome and beautiful and so much fun. then we waited in line for our VIP picture, which they only let us get one picture per group which was a rip off, but our sassy picture turned out awesome. and then R5 took forever and finally did their sound check, where they all seemed sort of dead and tired, they weren't "turned on" yet. and then we saw twitter that AJR wasn't going to play. which made us all really sad. like we really like those boys. but they were nice and from the side sort of told us that it wasn't going on, but we should have ran over there to talk to them. then we tweeted them like ten million times. but Jack responded to my mom and said that they had to leave right away to go meet a potential manager. which sucks for us who were hoping that we could hang out with them. but then R5 went on and they were awesome like always, i got almost all of them to look at me at least once. and i started the whole crowd to start waving their arms after Rydel saw us and copied. so that's pretty cool. but then after the show we were exhausted so we headed home and i was able to sleep for a bit then. and then as soon as we got home around 8 i got ready for bed and then i was up at 6:30 for a full day of camp. woot woot.

but it is amazing how much i can do with no sleep but i was exhausted and i love my sleep. so yeah we decided to go see AJR open up for Alex Goot in NYC at the end of August - we were going to go see Alex Goot in CT but we decided to sell those tickets and then buy the scalper tickets for NYC instead so we could see AJR so they better be opening. and we made a weekend out of it for Maura's birthday so we will be in New York. i'm already planning on asking Ryan out. wait, what?! just kidding, but not really, actually no i'm not. if the opportunity arrises i will be prepared to ask Ryan out. probably won't happen. but you just have to keep your options open. he goes to freaking Colombia, he is an amazing singer, he is cute, and he plays piano, and if his personality is anything like he seems like on the internet then he is practically perfect and would be worth going out on a date with. but i still have a month before that and by then i'll be done with camp, which is crazy. this summer has gone by fast. probably because i have barely done anything except camp and concerts. woot woot. but we still have a lot more concerts to come yeah yeah.

okay anyways i think i am going to go sleep now. it'a 10, past my bedtime.