abby, seeing that you have doubts about you and Colin makes me feel so much better. usually during vacations i'm all, i miss Josh and i wish Josh was here. but this vacation, texting him has just been a pain. and really this vacation has just made me think. i think that i'm not cut out for long distance relationships. either i'm all moody and grumpy because Josh is off doing things without me, or I'm off doing things and I don't think about him at all and honestly, don't really care. when I'm with Josh though, it's great. and I never want to leave. but once I leave then usually I'm fine. or sometimes when i go through a few days of not seeing him I get grumpy and moody.

but California. gosh. it just makes me want to go to college and then be done with college so i can start my life and see the world and move somewhere else and make a living and all. Taylor Mathews moved from home at 19 and he's going after what he wants and just living his life. i can't wait to do that. i don't know if i'm ready though, which is why college is probably good for me.

but Taylor Mathews is so awesome. I can't wait until I'm older and can go visit him or see his shows without the rest of my family.

but hey hey i got to sign for myself for the first time today since i'm 18 now!

back to josh though - and i just realized the last three paragraphs started with "but" - i think we will stay together during the summer when i see him all the time and everything is lovely, but when college starts it's going to be tough. i'm not saying we can't do it - last time i talked to josh about it he had the utmost confidence that we would be fine, but after having such a great time in California without him and when texting him became more of a pain, i'm not so sure. but don't worry, i'll tell all of this to him, but probably in nicer terms. and he'll probably just comfort me and say don't worry, we will stick together in college.

and by the way i'm going to live on Mulholland Drive someday overlooking the mountains. and now I'm going to go look up houses like that instead of going to sleep even though i have to wake up at 3:45 to go to the airport tomorrow. yay!