i'm kind of bored. i'm not sure what to do. maybe i should do some GE cause i kind of want to finish that but really who wants to do that? i had my riding lesson this morning and Carolyn had to get on Pharley. ugh. but i don't really feel like talking about that now.

guess what today is? Valentine's day. or as I saw somewhere Single's Awareness Day. never really liked this day. too worked up and overdramatic. just blah. i know it is a day for friends as well but you know it still isn't a great day. i get to babysit today...yay. hopefully it is good because babysitting can either make me feel better or make me feel worse.

now i'm a gonna watch t.v. and have my computer in front of me. and still be bored. and not do GE. and yeah. bye.

just so you know.

now i am going to write a blog. i was going to write one earlier but i wasn't in the mood. now i guess i sort of am except i need to go to the bathroom but Maeve is in there in a sort of fit because of Maura, blah, blah, blah. and i don't feel like going upstairs or really getting up so i'm just gonna sit her and write this blog which is probably going to be extremely long.

let's start with today even though i have stuff that goes back weeks that i want to talk about. sooo much. it will probably end up being two posts because i will run out of time. there is only so much time you can spend in front of a computer screen you know. let me take note about what time it is: almost 5:30. okay. well today is Friday. the day before vacation starts. well now vacation has started since school was over. no one really knows how happy i am for this vacation. i needed a break badly. things were started to get way too stressful. the horse show that sunday before the week started didn't help. really it just put me in an exhausted mood for the rest of the week. and my lesson on Monday was pretty much awful. i'll rant on that later. don't worry you won't miss out on that lovely part of my life. but anyways. this vacation is needed. i'm gonna sleep. do nothing. and relax. wonderful.

um. what next? i guess i can go into riding since that is on my mind now. so get ready for a lot coming your way and half of it you probably won't understand but i'll try to explain some of it. well this is my second year doing the IEA team and I think I have been riding for 4ish years? summer before 5th grade i think. so 4 and a half years i guess. so IEA is when you ride a random horse at some place and compete. i'm only doing flat this year. i only did flat last year. Maeve is doing jumping this year. this is Maeve's first year. that says a lot. to me at least and it is a bit discouraging. yeah. the explanation behind it is because this is my first year in high school and the high school horses are harder than middle school - if i was still in middle school i would be jumping. honestly i'm kind of glad that i'm not jumping because jumping is more nerve wracking. i'm more of an equitation girl. but that isn't the main point here which is need to get back to or self this will be going on forever. it's 5:45 now just so you know. but i have a lesson twice a week with the Williston/Fuller team. so i ride with other girls that go to Williston and some that go to HRHS and some that go to neither of those schools. but to get straight to the point - i am left out. completely. the rest of them are laughing and having a great time and i am the silent one in the corner. it sucks. it's hard. they are all outgoing girls that are pretty much bitches but yet i still want to fit in. sounds like middle school doesn't it? it's not like i care that much but when you are the only one left out then it is hard. but that doesn't bother me much, it just adds to everything.

so Monday I had my lesson and everything seemed to go wrong. it wasn't the the true Williston kids since they were on break, just the non-Williston kids on the Williston team. and first i put the pad on wrong and Taylor Cranston - you may know her but i'm not going to express my opinions on her because i'm not really even sure how to put them into words - told me that i put it on wrong. so i had to get off while everyone else was on and ready to go and fix it. luckily Carolyn - my teacher - was talking about the horse show on Sunday which i think i need to go back to...sorry to confuse you like this. it's simpler in my mind.

well we co-hosted the show on Sunday so we helped run it. so i was doing a lot of work all day - my class was pretty much the last one of the day. i was doing a lot more than the other girls who never seemed to be anywhere when they were needed...anyways my class came up so i was put up on a horse and off i went. i had a pretty challenging horse, especially for the things i was working on. when you are in a horse show your thoughts are a strange thing. you are paying attention to what you are suppose to be doing, what your horse is doing, what you like, and you are trying to remember that everything that you were ever taught. and while you are thinking all of that your mind also wanders...i'm not really sure what i thought about, i don't remember. but i think i had a good ride. it took my horse a bit to pick up one lead and when he did he picked up the wrong one but i saw it and switched it and i got the right now. i was so proud of myself seeing as i have been ruined because of a wrong lead - it's kind of like forgetting the lines in a play or the lyrics to a song or what you are suppose to do next in a dance and you know you know it but it just doesn't work. so i was incredibly proud of myself for that alone and i thought i did a really good job too. i tried to work on everything, keeping my chest up and shoulder back while not forgetting about everything else. they had spilt our class into two groups of six but placed them together. so our places were out of 12. i got 2nd. that is amazing. i was so happy. especially since i only needed 5 points to get the 15 points needed to go to regionals and 2nd place is equal to 5 points. but no one seemed to notice - not that i cared because we were busy making sure all the horses were put away. then later that day my riding teacher told me I got the Sportsmanship award which made the day even better. overall it was a good day and all my hard work paid off.

so back to monday. this was the day after the horse show. i was really tired and wasn't in the greatest mood to begin with. i didn't want to ride but i did anyways. it's not that simple to just say you don't want to ride. riding is a hard sport that requires a lot of dedication. not only do you have to care and worry about yourself you have a whole other animal that depends on you to make sure it is taken care of. so yeah you already know that i messed up on the pad and i got back up and Carolyn was still going around. Dana Delaney was in that lesson and she is in my division and since they didn't split us up when they placed us, i was competing against her. she got 4th place which is also really good and she thought she wasn't going to get anything because her horse wasn't responding the greatest. so Carolyn was raving to her about it and telling her stuff and eventually she got to me and i don't know exactly how she found out but she didn't know that i got 2nd place. she didn't know at all. do you know how that made me feel? i just had an amazing ride and she didn't know that i placed at all. and she didn't even say anything like 'i thought you should have placed' but she did say something like "well that means that the judge thought you had good position" or something along those lines - do you mean that you didn't think i did a good job? or were you not paying attention to me because Abby was also in that class? yeah there is another girl in our division who rode at the same time as me, she didn't place. then she said something like "sportsmanship and 2nd place!" in a way that made me feel like i wouldn't have gotten the sportsmanship award if she had known that i had gotten 2nd place even thought i was the one working the hardest. whatever. actually, not whatever. that made me feel really bad and low like i wasn't worth anything to the group and you know what is worse is that i wasn't the point rider. in every division the instructor has to pick a point rider who will ride for points for the team, so the points they get will go towards the team. there are three girls from my team in my division. i have been the point rider in the past three shows before that one. i got 10 points for my team. the last show i blew it and didn't place. she put Abby as the point rider this show even then Abby hasn't placed at all ever, this is Abby's second show but still that made me feel not good either. i don't know how Carolyn picks the point rider but after all of that i'm not the point rider and i got 2nd place! gah. it's frustrating.

well after that lesson i felt even worse because Dana, Bella, and Taylor were going around like they were the best of friends and i was completely left out again. i went and sat in the car. we had to give Bella a ride home. i felt like punching her. i really do not like Bella. she only thinks of herself. i think that just about covers all of my riding gah for now. but those two days really set up the rest of the week for disaster. it was because of all of that, that i was crying the other day. yep. and don't go and say 'if that makes you cry and upset why don't you just quit?' riding is my life. i have nothing else. if i quit i would be a girl who did nothing except for go home and go on her computer. at least with riding i have a bit of a life. plus i am going to see those people for the rest of my life and then i would be known as the quitter and everyone, not just the people who ride, would be like 'don't you ride' and i would have to say 'no. i stopped.' i already did that for Irish dancing. my sister still does it which makes it worse. sometimes i wish i still did Irish dancing but it's too late now. my sister is at novice level, if i did start it would take me forever to get to that point. and in other people's eyes it would seem weird if Maeve was better at something since she is younger than me. i have sort of gotten over that though it is hard. every time Maeve does better than me it is hard. and realizes it too and she feels bad but i don't want her to. we are better at it than most siblings are. some people think we have the whole "sibling rivalry" going on, but we don't. we just want the best for each other. so back to the point - quitting riding is out of the question. i have a horse. my mother and sister both do it. and you know what i don't want to. even though this is hard i know that it is going to make me a better person and help me in the long run and i'm not going to quit because there are some people that i don't like. i'll deal with it.

okay wow. i think that is all for that. new subject. but what? time capsule. wow i spelled that right the first time. well i think i already mentioned this before but we are making a time capsule that we will open when we are seniors. i put lots of good things in there. including the name to this website. i can't wait until i am a senior now and especially after the pep rally i can't wait either, which i should talk about later too. i have a whole list of things i want to talk about now. and it's 6:35 now. i ate dinner from 6:00 to 6:20 just so you know how long this is taking me. my friends wrote me notes. i want to know what they say but i didn't open them, even the ones that i could have easily read. i'm gonna wait until i am a senior. i can't change my mind now either because my time capsule is all sealed up. my mother also wrote me a note. that one i am the most curious about. i put it in there though. hopefully i did. of course now i am doubting if all of the notes got in there. hopefully they did. god i had myself when i do stuff like this. worrying over little things and i know that there is nothing i can do about it. i am going to be thinking about whether that note got in there or not. which isn't that great for me. but anyways i can not wait until i am a senior. i can not wait until i am out of this high school because once i am out of high school i can really shine and show my full potential. that is when the rest of my life is going to start falling into place. of course i will miss high school but right now i'm not feeling like i am going to miss it as much as i thought i might. just have to get through the rest of this year. then our sophomore year. then junior year. then i'll be a senior.

um. pep rally. we lack spirit. yeah i don't think that is important enough to go into. maybe later if i feel like then maybe but you know i am sure i can think of something else to talk about.

actually i'll think i stop this one for now and maybe take a break. just so you know it is 6:45 now. (:

i really wanted to post a blog today. i was expecting it to be nice and long but i didn't. instead i am posting this at 9:06 when i really want to be in bed. another day got away from me. hopefully i will be able to explain everything, and everything, tomorrow seeing as it is Friday, the last day before vacation.

i am literally crying right now. my face is wet. i would explain it now but i have homework to do and it would take too long.

what did we do when CDs didn't exist?

guess what? i never edited that last post. do i really want to list everything that annoys me anyways? not reallyyyy. so i'll just leave that there and not really worry about it.

well i am working on my time capsule now. wow i can not spell capsule, i had to look it up before and that just took me three times to get it right. i'm make a CD - well two since it won't all fit on one. i am listening to it now just to make it sounds okay though i'm not really paying attention seeing as one CD is one hour and 18 minutes - yes i just looked. and i am also planning on putting pictures on a disc but i have...88 photos that i want to put on it - yes i looked. i hope i can put all of those on one disc since i don't feel like making more than one for just pictures. when i open it i won't be able to see them right away or listen to the music but i will eventually and it will be more personal. of course i am going to put everyone's notes in there because i want everyone to give me notes so i can read all of those. and i think i'm going to put my 2nd place ribbon that I got at an IEA show. that is the best i've gotten.

lunch was interesting. John and Josh sat with us. it was not that good. i don't think they will ever sit with us again. which is probably for the better. so yeah. it was kind of awkward and well i just sort of want it to go back to how it was...1st quarter. except that Abby didn't sit with us then.

i was looking at chats i had with Katelyn in September. i really felt like crying. i have changed so much since then, and it was only 6 months ago. so many things have changed. for the good and bad. maybe i can put alllll of those chats in my time capsule - another CD of course. that is an idea. i wonder if i will even be able to see them or if they will even go on a disc. i can try of course. well i should do that now and burn my other CD just to get them done. (:

annoying-ness

I almost posted this as a facebook note but went against it and i decided to put it up here. i even typed out the beginning to make it seem like it wasn't just something random i wanted to type even though it is.

um. i just found out that blogger does not let you copy and paste. that makes me angry. i don't really feel like typing it all up again but i might even though i should be getting in the shower.

"List as many things that annoy you as possible. Don't give up. Even those little things count even if you don't make a big deal out of them. Tag as many people as you can think of annoying things. Then they have to post the things that annoy them.

1. When you ask someone to spell their name and they say their name again or they spell it really fast

2. People who act like they are better than you all because you are acting stupid for a second

3. Instead of saying you're welcome they say no problem after complimenting someone

4. Spelling it your welcome instead of the correct way you're welcome

5. When someone says the word headache - it gives me a headache.

well i'm stopping now. i have to get in the shower. i'll edit it afterwards even though i don't like editing posts.

it just happens to be snowing outside.

i really should be doing my homework right now but who would want to be doing that when you have this lovely blog that you can write in while closing your eyes and taking a rest. not i. so i'll just rest my eyes while i type this, making sure there are no spelling errors because i do not like spelling errors and i'll just tell you a few things. like one the bus today two quotes popped out at me that i heard while listening to my ipod that i have heard before but thought i should write a blog about. so i'm just going to post those quote, not gonna talk about them or health class which i now feel like talking about. maybe i will later. so i'm not gonna try to remember both of them from memory. one i can the other i want to get exactly right so i'll look it up.

"you breathe just to know you're alive"

"and you might think i'm bulletproof but i'm not"

and please notice in that first quote it is you're not your

wow. today. tomorrow. and the next day. and the next.

i just realized i didn't bring home my history book and i was planning on doing some TCN. i am just going to have to do a lot tomorrow. gah. i don't want to. and i also forgot my science stuff so i had to stop at school and get it. luckily the doors were open, unluckily there was a cheer something going on. so i had to go past some cheerleaders and i tried the doors down by the boy's locker room and it was locked. it was then that Monica called out and said "Hi Molly!" so I just said "Hi Monica!" then moved on to the door on the other side near the girl's locker room, passing the cheerleaders again. luckily those were open so i went to my locker got my stuff then left. yeah. too bad i didn't realize that i didn't have my history book. i still think i brought it home. now it is annoying me. i swear i brought it home...darn it now this is going to bother me all night and i am going to be all nervous. but at least i don't need it tomorrow during class...but i do need it to finish that TCN. blah.

i am tired. it is 8:05. if that said 9:05 i would be in bed. i want some ice cream but i think i need to post some more.

i have the most amazing friends. i am going to go through each one just because i can.

Abby. she is my twin. i have known her since 7th grade, the longest other than the people i went to elementary school with. she is amazing. no lie. today she asked if she did something to annoy me. i'm gonna quote her since it just proves what an amazing friend she is. "hey molly. can i ask you something?" "yes you may." "diid i do something to bother you?" "no why?" then it went on and she just showed her concern for me. i was like - what kind of friend would ask something like that? the best kind you could have. i don't know what i would do without Abby. it stinks that i can barely see her at all during the day but we make it and we are going to make it through high school together. i know it.

Katelyn. another amazing child even if she doesn't realize it. she made me a wonderful movie today. i loveeedddd it. i've been friends with her since sometime in 8th grade thanks to Ms. Streker's lovely Spanish class. i still don't know exactly how it happened. i am trying to remember but i can't. all i know is that now we are amazing friends. thanks to her i now have AIM and we survive ichat together. we have many inside jokes...IN COLOR & NEIGHHH so yeah. i love her. i love all of my friends. (:

Stephanie. i don't see her that much during the day but science and history are the best times. i miss our old seats in a way but i love that Abby is closer to us now in history. science is the best, i give her such a hard time but we just have so much fun. like doing the questions for the wrong chapter. i swear that Lisa thinks i am from a different planet in that class but i love it all the same. Stephanie has her list and together we just tell each other advice and we survive.

now i would like to mention that i may have said something in someone's description that i realized after could also go on someone else's but i don't feel like going back and editing them because i have more i would like to talk about and i still want my ice cream and i want to go to bed a reasonable hour and i need to take a shower. plus it will be strange if i am typing non-stop for 30 minutes.

what next? riding? eh. i guess a bit. Laura taught us again today - did I already talk about that? I can't remember. but i rode Pharley he was okay, not perfect but we figured it out...sort of. i like it when Laura teaches us because we do different things then when Carolyn teaches us and i think it just improves my riding even more. you know how i fell off the other day? i am still trying to get over it. it really hits hard, not physically, sometimes. i know that everyone falls off but it does something to your confidence. now i don't have it in the back of my mind as much when i ride. but i know that it will probably still be there until i get on Kiwi and canter her. that day i know i am going to be extremely nervous seeing as i already am just thinking about it. i have a horse show on sunday. i better get this falling off thing off my mind. like now.

there are a few things i don't understand but do at the same time. people being afraid of horses is one. that one i can get more than the second one. they are big horses and some can be very scary but you have to surround yourself with the non-scary ones. like our wonderful Murray. and the horses i ride. you just have to show them who is boss. they are animals yet i think they are the animals that are the most complicated and require the most things and such. i mean you don't see anyone riding any other animal as much as a horse...

the second thing is when people don't try. they just give up. umm...do they not think about their future at all? and not even thinking about that - do you want to fail? if you do your homework, listen in class, and try then you aren't going to fail - if you apply it to school. it could be applied to almost any aspect of life. so i don't get it at all when people don't try or when the fail a class. i know that it can happen and everyone has that one class where they have that bad grade or that bad day where everything goes wrong. but i don't understand failing almost class - that says something. so those "cool" kids who seem to be proud with failing, or make it seem like that, yeah that is a no go with me.

now i am drawing a blank and now i thought of something.

well you know how i am an office aid and all? well today we got to deliver things of munchkins to each of the team leaders in 7th and 8th grade. they weren't expecting it so they were like "who is this from?" it was great. it was a random act of kindness that just made me smile. i should do more of those. i did one for Katelyn once by having my dad order some buffalo wings and have them delivered to their store. i paid for them. she got them even though she had already eaten and i thought that she hadn't but either way it was wonderful. she was like "did you send me those?" for a while i was nervous like i wasn't sure if she would be mad. but afterwards it was worth it. so i should do more things like that. i just have to get my nerve up and do it - since the munchkins thing wasn't even my idea, i was just the deliver.

wow. i have been typing the blog for about 20 minutes and i am very tired. i think i should stop because i know if i keep typing i will think of something else to type about. GAH i just remembered the history book thing. hopefully i just left it at school. what if i left it on the ground in front of my locker? then what? now i am just getting all worked up. i need some ice cream. and i need to go to bed.

omg. really?

i just remembered after i posted that last post two seconds ago that today is the first day of FEBRUARY! i have never liked February. first off it's name is hard to spell - there are two Rs!  second - it is in the middle of winter and it seems like winter will never end. third - it only has 28 days so what is the point of that? and last - ew. Valentine's day. i am sure that is all great but it is not great for us who don't have a boyfriend or whatever. everyone just gets all worked up that their crush is going to make a move blah blah blah. guess what - it is just another day.

so there is my February talk. hopefully i can make it through.

today we performed a lovely dance show for my family. maura and my father went first and they danced to The Cupid Shuffle. then maeve and my father went next and danced to I've Seen It All. then maeve and I were last. we did a combination of songs - Attention, See U In The Dark, and The Cupid Shuffle. I did all the music with lovely iMovie HD and i think the music was the best part. i just had the beginning of Attention, then cut into the beginning-middle part of See U In The Dark, then part of Cupid Shuffle, then the ending of See U In The Dark. it all blended very nicely and i think our dance was the best. (:

so i was suppose to go to Horse Bowl today. but guess what - I didn't! Maeve decided that she didn't want to go, so I decided that I didn't want to go. I was actually happy because that just causes way too much unnecessary stress. who cares if we miss it? we may get a bit of crap for it but so what, we decided not to go. instead we danced. (: