omg. i just found the perfect song. i was trying to find the right song before going to sleep. and i was listening to Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy and scrolling through tumblr and an Olly Murs song came up "I Need You Now" so i stopped Almost Lover to play this song and it is my life right now. it's perfect.

I wonder how you kiss first thing in the morning
Before you go, go to work and you're smiling at me
Do you laugh at my jokes, even the ones that you've heard before?
There be times when everything's not perfect, when we fight
Do you say things like I hate you or it's all your fault
Or do you say nothing at all

I don't know who you are
Don't even know your name
I wish we could talk but I don't have a number to call
So hold your hand up if you hear me,
I've been searching but all that I found
Is everywhere that I go, is standing alone in the crowd

Maybe you're right here in front of me
Am I looking too hard, it's hard to see
Oh, give me a sign; I'm starting to wonder if you've lost your way
I've been right here waiting patiently,
Your lane should be right here next to me
I need you tonight, think of you all of the time

I don't know who you are
Don't even know your name
I wish we could talk but I don't have a number to call
So hold your hand up if you hear me,
I've been searching but all that I found
Is everywhere that I go, is standing alone in the crowd
And I need you now... I need you now

I wonder how you kiss, how you fight, how you laugh, how you smile
All of the time

I don't know who you are
Don't even know your name
I wish we could talk but I don't have a number to call
So hold your hand up if you hear me,
I've been searching but all that I found
Is everywhere that I go, is standing alone in the crowd
And I need you now... I need you now

you should all not fret. i just had a jam session in my underwear and bra. i just danced around my room. and now i am sitting in on my bed criss-cross with my laptop on my lap just wearing underwear because my bra was annoying me.

can i just say that i am hot. and i am attractive. so the next time a boy tells me that i should believe him because i just watched myself dance in front of a mirror crazily and i am attractive and hot and maybe even beautiful too.

would you like to know what songs got me dancing around the room?

P.T.L - Relient K
If I Don't Feel Like This - Jordan Gable
I Choose You - Sara Bareilles
Desperate Measures - Mariana's Trench
I Want Crazy - Hunter Hayes

and then I just put on Best I Ever Had - Gavin DeGraw as i sat on my bed to write this because do i really do anything if i don't write about it in my blog? i have the answer to that, and it is yes, i do. i have a whole life that goes on when i am not writing about a small portion of my life.

now i will decide if i still have more energy to dance around naked or if i am content enough that i can happily go to sleep.

but before i go to sleep, which i think i will be doing shortly, can i just say to any boy in my future: i am a catch and if you ever see me dance like that you are lucky and better hold onto me tightly because i am crazy, beautiful, smart, attractive, witty, intelligent, motivated, and an amazing freaking badass.

i just binge watched a show on netflix called Mixology which is about 10 strangers and 1 night at a bar. and i just watched all 13 20 minute episodes in a row....so over 4 hours. and i enjoyed it a lot. it ended up working out more than real life would but that is why i liked it because it all worked out in the end. and yes, i have a long list of more productive things i could have done but i did not do those...

i am currently in a house all by myself and i don't think anyone is coming back tonight. Summer left with her basket of clothes so she is probably staying at Ben's. and Kristian isn't living here anymore and Corey isn't moved in yet. and Erin is back home for 10 days. so i am all alone. fabulous.

it's actually fine. i mean in some grand world i'll have friends over and we will have a great time and then they will all leave except one and he will come spend the night with me in my bed. but that will not happen. and as much as i would to just kiss someone, it's been over a year, and i am getting kind of restless, i am fine just being single with no potential guys at all.

wow that's kind of disappointing that there aren't even any "ehhh maybes" in my life. like let us break this down for you:

Joe - I have actually talked to him on the phone more than any of my other friends and texted him more than my other friends recently. but 1) there is the whole i'm not going to see him for more than like a day until senior year since he is studying abroad in the spring 2) i'm not attracted to him but i am getting desperate so we will see how long that lasts 3) i'm really just kidding, it wouldn't work, he is just a good friend, which is funny because at the beginning of freshman year i tried my best to avoid him and was actually unhappy when he was in my FME group but he is now one of good friends so funny.

Hanson - HAHAHA Molly, you never had a chance with him anyways and pretty sure he has a girlfriend now. yeah never was interested and he probably never will be. plus he is an alcoholic. but damn, is he a well put together successful alcoholic who gives me shots when he is an RA on rounds - oh right that happened.

Zach - yeah if he was interested last night would have been the perfect time to display some sign and there was nothing soooo yeah no. plus like i said it's still too awkward with him. so not going to happen. plus he probably has some girl that he is seeing anyways. but i'll continue to get him twitter followers - yeah!

there are really no others. like there are guys i met but none even worth talking about. wooooooooooooooooooooooooow molly. like i think i'm a catch. i'm not bad looking. sometimes i am even really good looking. i'm sane. i have goals and dreams and ambitions. i'm smart. i can be sarcastic and witty sometimes too. i'm a extremely good friend. yeah sure i can be too shy and timid and i'm not all that interesting and exciting but you could all do worse. so boys you better start jumping on this.

yeah you can tell i am kind of just lonely. i don't even remember the last time i kissed Josh. and i haven't seen him since then. we broke up via skype for crying out loud. it's not like i miss him miss him, but i kind of do. but when i think about if i want him to be here...i don't. so i guess i'm over him like completely. fuck. i hope he is doing well though, like actually.

alright so here is the truth about the boy situation. i was hoping there would be something this summer, just some sort of interest, you know some spark i could at least have fun with flirting with even if it turned into nothing. but that has not happened. and i have less than 4 weeks left, 1 of which Erin will be gone for and she is who brought me places and introduced me to people so basically this week will be spent by myself in my room binging on Netflix like tonight, another one of those weeks will be spent with my family so definitely will not be flirting with guys, and then once my family leaves i literally have one week until i leave and one week is not enough time to land a cute summer fling. so this summer was a bust in the boy department - except the whole working on myself thing so i can be ready or whatever

next i'll be in china. and if i am being honest here, it would be great to have some sort of thing going with a guy on the program. then i not only have someone who will always want to go and do things with me, he will look out for me, he will travel with me, i can talk to him, have fun with him. i mean i can do all of that with regular friends too, but you know what i mean. but at the same time that is in no way shape or form why i am going to china or what i am going to focus on while i am there.

okay this is stupid sorry for the boy focused post. i swear i am not actually boy crazy. just sometimes i little bit boy focused. especially when i am home alone in my bed. and it's 12:12 and i am about to go to sleep. and here we go again once i realized it was time for bed i really do not want to go to sleep even though i am exhausted. this is going to get to be a problem pretty soon. let's see which side of Molly will win tonight: the side that wants to never sleep or the reasonable side that is exhausted. the power is in my hands but who knows what i'll do.

please i just want to talk to cute boys but i can't even download tinder because i might see someone that i met on there and also because i found out my supervisor from work is on there so now i definitely can't. i guess right now i am just feeling lonely and want to talk to someone. you know what thought just went through my head to text Joe and see if he is awake. fuck no. gaaaaaaah this sucks, molly just go to bed and stop being a miserable little bitch.

sorry, no, i didn't just call myself a bitch. i am really just in this mood because i just watched all of mixology and it's all about relationships and hooking up soooo that's where i'm at. sorry.

hi it's 2am and i'm still awake. 2:07 to be exact. i have just been watching videos and stuff. and now i'm listening to johnnyswim. i don't know why i am awake. i guess i just don't want to get up and get ready for bed and i don't want to sleep.

i kind of wish Michael would just come knock on my door and we would just talk and hang out. he is staying here. but yeah that would probably be really awkward and weird so just as well.

alright. molly you really just need to go to bed. your sleeping schedule is going to be all messed up.

it's 2:23 and i still haven't gotten up. but exhaustion just hit me. great job molly. you just stayed up doing nothing all night. okay stop, not going to be hard on myself. i'll get up now.

goodnight, world

okay so i was going to go see the fray with Corey but then she had to babysit...i was thinking about asking my friend Joy and then Erin had a friend Michael who was staying here and he was super excited that i was going to see them so i was thinking about asking him too. but then Zach texted me responding to something i had texted him earlier and said that we should do something this weekend...so i was like do you like the fray? so Zach ended up coming with me. Erin kept saying it was a date...but it clearly was not a date. plus Zach and I get along but we don't really hit it off. i forgot what it is like to just really get along with someone. i got a bit of that with Michael this weekend, he brought me to Taco Bell...or I guess I drove so i brought him there and he bought me some tacos...and then we talked afterwards and stuff and it was easier to talk to him. i don't know, maybe i'll just an awkward soul and can't talk to people. because being with Zach isn't like when i'm with my friends and it is just easy. i don't know.

but i was wondering if i would hear something from Abby since i gave her $45 but nothing. and i won't dare look at her tumblr or anything. even though i'm really curious. and now talking about this makes me really want to check. okay yeah i'm going to. nothing. maybe she didn't even see yet. i really need to forgot i even did that and move on. it's pretty easy to do since i am surrounded by different people and i'm pretty busy. but isn't it crazy that i used to be best friends with her and there are posts on here about how close we were and all...and now i am giving her $45 on a whim and wondering what she is thinking and yeah it's just so strange.

my roommate Erin is going back home for 10 days tomorrow...i'm going to miss her but she really needs a break. she gets so wrapped up in other people and lets them stress her out. so it will be good for her to have a break. but i will be back having to fend for myself to find things to do...oh wait, no! Corey will be moving in actually because she got kicked out of her house...so i am super pumped for her to be here! she is leaving in 2 weeks though so i will miss her a lot after she leaves but at least i will be able to see her as much as i can before since i'll be living with her!

i wish Michael was staying longer because i like him and that's the first time i've made friends so quickly. but it is what it is. maybe i'll make some more new friends before i leave...if not i am happy with the friends i have. they are awesome. i am going to have a lot of thank you cards to send.

but it's 1am so i should probably go to sleep even though i really don't want to...just one of those nights where i don't want to sleep even though i'm tired. gaaaaaaah.

this is what happens when i'm exhausted but i don't want to go to sleep...i creepy on my ex-best friend Abby's tumblr. i literally went through from today until december to the post that i think is about me but i don't really know...i'm sure i've posted about it here before. the one that says "you know I miss you too. i miss the old you. I could try and like the new you. i doubt i'll ever get to tell you though."

it could not even be about me. because she did unfriend me on facebook and basically cut me out of her life...so she never really made an effort to try to like the "new me."

but the thing is i don't need her. at all really. i am happy. i have friends. today i went out to dinner and ice cream with Corey who is such an amazing person. tomorrow Erin and I are hosting a bonfire at our house. i am confident. i am accomplishing things with my life. no, i'm not perfect. but if i am a "new me," i am a much better person than i was in high school. so i'm not sorry. i wish i could be there to help you though and give you support. because i still care about you. obviously, i just stalked your tumblr. but maybe you don't need me either.

but i am still going to support you and give you money for your Hawaii campaign. right now she is at 855...and no one has donated for two months and she is just back at recampaigning so i am going to get that up to 900...like i got Zach's twitter followers up to 900 today too!

and i have to buy Corey a bracelet as a gift...so lots of money spending for other people. but it is okay because i know it will come back to me. like a nice man paid for Corey and mine's ice cream today...so i am not worried.

okay let me go grab my credit card then i'll go to sleep like i should have over an hour ago.

okay hi again everyone. so i believe in god.

i have been trying to win tickets to see the fray on saturday for a while. i was trying on a site called tunespeak and i got close but didn't have the time to stick with it. and entering on radio stations and such. but i basically came to accept that i wasn't going to go. the tickets were expensive and yeah it's alright because i got to see fall out boy and new politics.

then today i was driving to church with Corey and she told me how a random guy in trader joe's was following her around and finally he started talking with her and asked if she wanted tickets to go see the fray. and of course when she tells me this i am freaking out like whaaat?! and she was just like yeah, i think it was god telling me not to judge people and all. so i tell her well if you are looking for someone to go with you, i would love to go. and that was pretty much it, she didn't really say that i could go - i assumed she already asked someone, which was fine.

then at church it was really good today. i got an image of our family standing on this square concrete or stone and we were really little like outlines of people and then the stone starts crumbling and breaking and there are huge cracks and Maeve is falling and she is barely holding on and we are trying to pull her back up, but then a piece of the stone comes back up under her and lifts her back up. and while there are still cracks left they are small and we are all still standing. and then i had another image of god just wrapping a blanket around Maeve and keeping her safe and protected. as you can tell i have been worried about Maeve a lot so it was good to know that God is looking after her.

but i really just want to stop making things about me and start looking towards God so i can reflect him. so i can transform - wait it's about me again. so i can let him transform me to do his good. and i am going to try to read the bible some. and i will talk more about religion and my thoughts on it later, it will be a long post and right now i am tired and haven't gotten to the best part of my story yet.

okay anyways so we are leaving and Corey says she will walk me to my car and Kristian was going to bring her home. but anyways she says she has something for me and i am just like...awww you are so nice. i saw earlier that she had given Kristian a bracelet so that is what i am thinking it is. anyways, Kristian gets distracted so i end up giving Corey a ride home and she says then she can give it to me now. and she gives me her tickets to the Fray. and i am just grinning and so excited. and she is saying how God told her she was given them to give to me. she realized it when she was at church and god was telling her that she needed to give them away. and i am just so grateful and thankful and i'm telling her that i will bring her if she wants to come. and she is just like take them and bring whoever you want. and i am just so shocked. i had given up complete hope on those tickets. and now i am holding them. and it's so amazing. and i am so excited. and oh honey is opening for them and they have been the theme song to my life lately and i can't express how grateful i am.

wow. and the price of one of this tickets was about how much i paid for Kristian's utilities. so look how it comes back to you. it's so amazing. and i am so thankful. and wow. just wow wow wow. definitely going to start paying more attention to god.