i'm babysitting currently and trying not to cry. josh just told me he didn't get accepted to bu. so he will be going to umass. i am just not going to think about it.

hi. so some days i feel like doing a lot of work and want to get a lot done. other days i don't. today i don't. i am so tired. i really just want to sleep. but in like a half an hour I will be on my way to the barn. does it annoy you when sometimes I capitalize "I" but other times i don't? i don't really even think about it so sorry if that is annoying. yesterday was the same way. i didn't want to do anything but i wanted to feel like i was being productive. i wasn't at all. i am so tired. i need to get a prom dress. josh told me he needs to know what color he needs to get for his tux stuff because he wants to get that soon. i am really just pushing prom as far away as possible. plus the time never comes up and in the past when i had time, i never really thought about it. i want to go with Maeve but she has a lesson on Friday, then a horse show on Saturday, which leaves Sunday. i could see if Abby wants to go one day. i don't want to bring Josh because i kind of don't want him to see me in it until prom. plus he would be no help, he would say i look good in everything. honestly, i am kind of excited to go dress shopping but since i'm so late i don't know how much of a selection there will be. i'll probably go to the smaller cheaper prom stores first. the store i bought my from last year was pretty expensive. anyways. i just want it to be the weekend. i just have to get through today and then tomorrow. and i'm such a rebel. i'm sitting at the table that says "absolutely no students, no exceptions." oh well. i am used to sitting here so i will continue to. i'm really excited to stage manage. i am nervous that i won't do a good job, or i won't fit in because all the other kids have done lots of drama stuff with each other and Mr. Braidman. but yeah. i will figure it out and try to have fun. i already have my binder. so i can't wait until Monday for that. hopefully by then i'll have a prom dress. and i think this weekend i want to send in my stuff for babson because it is pretty obvious i am going there. was there really every any other choice? when i first started looking at colleges, Babson was the first one i wanted to go to and apart from that one i hadn't figured out where i wanted to visit. it was really on the top of my list before i really even realized it. and not to brag or anything out of the 5,500 applications they received they only admitted about 450, and i was one of those, so i feel kind of special. so yeah i'm going there. i just hope josh ends up close to me. but two hours isn't all that far, it could be farther. but that's whats up. i still have 20 minutes in this study hall and i still don't want to do anything. oh maybe i'll read. i guess that's a good idea. it's kind of loud in here though. i wish people would just shut up. calla.

one thing i regret about high school is not getting involved with the musical. not on stage, but with the technical stuff. stage crew. lighting. sound. that stuff. but it would have been hard to give that time commitment because of riding and i have to be at the barn nearly everyday. so yeah that wouldn't have worked anyways.

i wish i could sing and dance and act. okay maybe one out of the three would be fine.

but guys and dolls was really good. and i'm calling it now. Devin McNulty will be famous one day. or at least i really hope she will be. so much.

i hope a lot. maybe someday i won't have to hope, i'll make it happen.

Yesterday was the first time that college really hit me and I cried. like full out cried. well quietly because i didn't really want anyone to hear. why? because josh didn't get accepted to northeastern. which leaves him one chance that he will go to school near me. boston university. i really really really hope he does. because if he doesn't then that leaves us in the long distance relationship yucky stuff. josh is all optimistic and thinks it will work. i'm scared he'll get tired of driving two hours to come see me. or he'll meet someone at college he'll rather spend his time with. and i just won't be able to see him everyday and he'll fall out of love with me. he doesn't believe any of this will happen, he says distance makes the heart grows fonder, and usually driving back to and forth to school in a week already he drives 5 hours, so driving 4 hours to come see me once a week is no big deal. and he says i'm molly so there is no one else he would want to spend time with. i think he'll be all gung-ho like that for the first month or two but then grow tired of it. he says i should stop worrying about him just growing tired of me and dropping him. but i've had so many friends just drop me and decide they don't want to be friends me with, so what's one more?

i just really hope BU isn't stupid.

I am like some sort of wussy emotional girl.

but my goodness.

i just watched the video of Shay, of the Shaytards, running the marathon. Or mostly Mommytard's take on it. And watching her cry as she saw him at mile 11 made me cry. and then whoever did the editing, if Denise did it or Shay helped, that was awesome seeing Shay when he was just starting to try to feel better. that made me cry even more. it wasn't just my eyes were watering up, i was crying. which is why i had to wait and watch it by myself.

no, i have never met Shay. he doesn't know i exist. yet just watching that made me feel so proud of him and everything he has done. he is honestly an amazing genuine awesome person.

i can't wait until i meet him in June. which will probably consist of me going "oh my god, that's Shay and Colette, and all the kids. they are right there." and i will probably freak out. then they will probably sign something for me and that will be all. but that will be amazing. it will make all of it seem real. i know it is. but i'll be able to see the happy healthy Shay right in front of me. that will be the best birthday present ever.

yeah i'm more excited about meeting the Shaytards than I was about meeting the cast of Glee.

hello people, sorry i was in such a bad mood last night. usually i just talk to josh and i get over it but he was playing video games last night so i was left with my blog. anyways i'm fine now. but i still don't feel the greatest. i blame my sunburn. it still burns. anyways yeah. all good.

oh by the way, i feel like absolute crap right now.

hi, i would just like to say that i got 17 comments about my sunburn today. i think they were trying to tell me that i was sunburnt in case i didn't know. or maybe they were trying to tell me that my life sucks because i am sunburnt. or maybe they were just trying to tell me that i look like a lobster. i'm not exactly sure what their intent was. but i did know i was sunburnt. and yes it does freaking hurt. and i know that i look like a lobster, but that was my goal all along, looking like a lobster is a real confident booster.

but my life doesn't suck. miss congeniality invited Maeve and I to ride with her in the St. Patrick's day parade. why? because we were going to walk the whole parade and she really is that nice. so we had a fabulous time thanks to her. and it was worth getting burnt. we acted like we were celebrities, people wave and clapped for us. well they were clapping for her most likely or the horses, but hey i'm pretty sure some people waved at me. but what does suck is having to listen to 17 comments directed at you about your sunburn, let's see i got it...before the first comment actually.

also what i find annoying about today is that Josh's siblings had to stay after school so instead of taking a different car and wasting gas or what not, josh said he would hang out until they were done. so he came over to the barn with me. he walked mind you because nicole had the keys to the car. my mom ended up picking him up but he was almost there anyways. so he hung out with me. so after i cleaned dolly's stall i would usually go home but his siblings hadn't called or texted him yet saying they were done and were coming to pick him up. so we cleaned Murray's stall while we waited. still nothing. so we cleaned Max's. at that point i was done with things i could do at the barn while we waited. so we went to the school and guess what? they weren't there. yep. they ditched their brother and went home without him. why? because colin said he would be the fine, or something along those lines. and nicole said he never called. what, was he supposed to call when she was taking her test? she would have yelled at him because her phone went off when she was taking the test. so he waited instead. would it have been that hard to call or text to just check and make sure he was all set? apparently it was. instead they just drove right on past the barn to their house. just typing this out is making me more mad that i was before. their mom said it was just a miscommunication. i'm sorry, but i think this was just carelessness and not caring. i would always make sure my sisters were all set, well maybe since they are all the same age they don't think they have to look after each other. anyways when we realized that josh's ride home was already home, i drove him home. i would have told him to just stay at my house, but it's my dad's birthday and i didn't know what we had planned. so i took an hour out of my day to do something that would have maybe added two minutes onto nicole and colin's drive home. the drive there wasn't bad because i could talk to josh the whole time but the ride home took forever. after you just drove 30 minutes the last thing you want to do is drive another 30 minutes exactly where you just drove. it just frustrates me to no extent the way those triplets treat each other. josh says they aren't close and i can see that. but they are still siblings, they are supposed to stick together. instead colin leaves josh in the middle of lunch because his laptop is dying and leaves josh all alone at a table. he is sitting at a table all by himself. yep, because his brother left him. i understand that colin may want to play his games, but maybe he could check with josh to see if he could find somewhere else to sit because no one wants to sit alone at lunch. or maybe, just maybe, instead of playing video games he could have a conversation with his brother.

i'm sorry. josh is my boyfriend. i hate to think of him sitting at a lunch table by himself. it absolutely tears me up inside. you don't understand. i don't want him to go through anything like that. yet he does. why? because his brother needs to charge his laptop. i'm probably taking this harder than he is. actually i know i am. because josh is amazing like that and he just lets things roll of his back. and it also annoys me that his siblings left without checking to make sure he was all set. what if he couldn't hang out with me and was just sitting outside or something? what if i couldn't give him a ride home? then he would have been stranded. it makes me so mad. i know that josh probably has done things like this before, and i'm not trying to rag on nicole and colin, but in these cases i am slightly frustrated with the choices they made. but everyone makes mistakes.

anyways i really need to calm down because the more i'm talking about this, the more upset i'm getting. i'm not as easy going as josh is. my emotions like to play games with me. today just wasn't a good day. today was one of those days where i was just frustrated with the human race.

on the upside my mom found the aloe. on the downside it's not really helping because my arms still burn. on the downside we didn't have any candles for my dad's birthday cake. on the upside we used a glow stick instead and it was awesome.

and tomorrow we have a delayed start or whatever so that cuts down on the number of people i have to deal with, which is very nice.

now a few deep breaths and try to forget about today and think about how tomorrow will be better.

I hate when I am in this mood.

this mood where i don't want to do anything. when i'm moody and crabby. like we were going to go shopping but i don't know why but i just don't want to. then i get all sad and depressed and mad because bella and maeve made plans to go without me. and i feel like crap. i'm just sitting at home on my laptop. josh is off with his jazz band. maybe this is how he feels when i go off and do things without me. it's going to suck when he goes to New York with this asian civ class and when he goes on his cruise. i'm depressed after one day of him being away. if he's the reason. why wouldn't he be? he controls all my feelings most of the time. now i should go do something. i think i'll read. maybe that will make me feel better. and i'll just wait until 4ish when Josh can text me again. another hour. i'm so pathetic.