hi. tomorrow i'm going to China.
well I'm actually going to China at one am on tuesday.
but i'll be in the airport tomorrow night.

I am starting to pack a bit for China and I went to check the weather there and I go to the 10 day forecast and I realize that I'm going to be there half of those days. I'll know if there actually are scattered thunder storms or not. oh my goodness. just freaked myself out a bit.

I want to go to vidcon.

Really badly. Well I can't go this year. But next summer. Don't let me forget.

the rest of my summer in one post:

I can tell you pretty much what the rest of my summer is going to consist of, ready?

July:
26 - do nothing except go to the barn
27 - do something with the family, my mother mentioned zip lining, barn
28 - do nothing, maybe go to Morgan show, barn
29 - do nothing in the morning unless i can figure out how to see Josh, get ready for horse show
30 - horse show, maybe later if i'm up to it try to go to Josh's
31 - attempt to spend all day with Josh, pack

August
1 - travel to New York
2 - leave for China at 2 in the morning, spend the entire day on the plane, somehow end up in China on the 3rd
3 through 19 - be in China on a lovely family vacation maybe without my laptop, i must discuss that with my father
20 - spend another 8 or more hours on a plane, gain a day back
21 - horse judging, try to go see Josh
22 - attempt to spend all day with Josh, have to go to barn at one point
23 - try to see as many friends as possible (which applies from the 21st to now)
24 through 26 - go to riding hy with the 4H group and hope i have cell service
27 - go find my friends and do something with them, Cummington Fair?
28 through 30 - IEA camp, attempt to do things with people after camp for my last few days of summer
31 - try to enjoy my last day of summer

September
1 - school starts and summer vacation ends

It's 1am. I have no reason for being up this late.

so it's hard to imagine that in a little more than a week i'll be in China. that's kind of scary.

and it's going to be kind of hard. i won't be able to text anyone. facebook is banned in china. i'll have email and then skype either when i'm going to sleep or waking up, because of the 12 hour time difference. but it will just be so different. i'm used to have a constant conversation with Josh texting him all the time. and then I've seen him the past two days and i might again today or tomorrow. we'll see how the day goes.

i have to get ready to go to horse judging practice, which i really don't want to do. but whatever, i'll survive.

so it's been two months and i went back and reread all the posts from the week before we got together. and i got all smiley and happy and ahhhaha, even though that stuff all happened two months ago.

and he can still make my stomach do that flip floppy thing now.

goodness gracious.

Hi. My name is Molly. I'm 17 years old. I'm beyond lucky.

I wonder if there are a lot of other people who are as lucky as I am. You know, as in, they have a fabulous supportive family, a good head on their shoulders, and just so much. You never hear about them, because it's the less fortunate that seem to find their way into news stories. But it's those who don't have the spotlight who seem to be happiest. They're happy with their life, they don't go looking for anything, because they have it all. These people live their life with no ounce of recognition but they are still content, happy.

Right now I'm so happy and content with my life. So a thought just dawned on me, if I was given the opportunity to stay where I am now. 17. With my family. In high school. Happily falling in love. Would I? No, I wouldn't. While I know people when they grow up wish they could go back to when they were younger, I still have so much of my life. I want to see what I'm going to do with my life. I have so many opportunities and chances that I have yet to take. I know that I won't always be this happy, things will happen. Things that I don't want to happen. But that's part of it. Part of growing up. Part of life.

But the thing is, I don't have a choice, so it's probably a good thing that I'm okay with growing up. Because I know while this happiness won't last, different happiness will find it's way to me. I can't guess what it will be, but I'm sure it will be wonderful.

I hope when I read this back years from now, I am feeling happy. Not just the fleeting happiness that comes when you do one thing, but the kind that stays with you for days. For example, all I have done for the last five hours is hang around in my room and go on my laptop. Nothing happened to make me happy, I just am.

You might be questioning my logic. I'm only 17. So young. But to me I don't see my age like that. I am just who I am right now. I'm living and experiencing in this moment.

And I think I'm done with this post now.

I sneezed and I tear rolled down my face. Now I need a tissue. Too lazy to et up and get one. But I sort of have to. Be back.

Okay back.

It's funny to think about how I got here. Like I never would have guessed.

I don't know this is stupid now. Done.

my biggest fear is that he'll get sick of me. and change his mind. and be like "just kidding." and leave me forever.

so terrified.

why don't i post on here more often? i don't know, it seems stupid now. if i have something to say then i'll say it to people. actually i guess i'll be more specific, i'll say it to Josh cause i can talk about anything with him. i won't feel like i'm bothering him or feel stupid or like he has better things to be doing. so instead of writing in my blog i text josh. and that's pretty much why i don't post here. but i feel like i owe it to my future readers to at least keep writing a bit.

i got a 4 on my AP test. which is lovely. i was visiting Dartmouth with Bella, Lori, Dana, and Abby Szat, and my mom texted me saying mail from AP came in, and asked if i wanted her to open it. and i told her to. and i instantly texted Josh and told him and he of course says "im sure your scores will be good" which they were. and yepp, so i'm happy with that.

not really happy that i wasted my day at a college that doesn't even have an undergraduate business program. but whatever.

alright i'm feeling stupid writing this. i'm done.

when mommy is filling out forms you stay silent.
when we go to get our visas we will stay silent.
she has to do this right, or else we can't go.

When I go to China in 22 days I'm going to be about 6,733 miles, 10,835.8 kilometers, 5,850.8 nautical miles, 10,835,834.5 meters, 35,550,638 feet away from home.

so regionals went well. we didn't place well, but Dolly was so good. like incredibly good. and i didn't break down once, like there were no tears, there wasn't any extreme rage or being upset. Sunday when we got to the barn I was close, but I held in there. So this was probably one of the most successful, if not the most successful regionals in my opinion. not because of what i won, i did better in the placings when I rode Herbie, but because it was just all around great.

i love my family so much. and the group of people that i surround myself with there. i mean i enjoyed spending time with them. i enjoyed even more spending time with Josh. i was able to see him so much the last five days. Wednesday I went swimming at his house, Thursday I saw him in the evening, I was with him from Friday afternoon onwards, he came Saturday afternoon and stayed all day, and he was there the entire time I was there Sunday. That is a lot of time to spend at a horse show you aren't showing at. But he just hung out with me all day. He would come help me do whatever I had to do. Carry my stuff around. And help me get through everything. Maeve and I would have completely failed getting ready for trail class because my mom wasn't around because she went to watch Maura's class. But Josh was able to be there and help out. And that's just one example.

He taught me how to solve the rubik's cube. and we both taught Maeve. and really i just loved having him around. when they announced the trail results and they forgot to announce 10th place, and i didn't get anything, and everyone was sort of freaking out, he just kept holding my hand. i ended up getting 10th. and then when we wanted to leave but had to stay because i was getting an award, and then they didn't end up awarding them, he just stayed through it.

i have no idea why he does what he does for me. i don't really understand it. but i am so glad he does.

back when we first got together, which is a little less than two months ago, i was afraid that it wouldn't work out because we wouldn't get along when we were by ourselves without Abby and there. but really since we've gotten together we've spent so much time just the two of us, or with my family, or his, and it's so wonderful. and i'm so glad. it's kind of weird when you think about it that my bestfriend has been dating his brother for almost three years, and then we just got together now. but i think it all works out. because even if Abby wasn't dating Colin or Colin wasn't Josh's brother, we would still be happy together, because that doesn't really matter. sure that's what helped get us together in the first place, but that's not what is keeping us together now.

is it weird that i miss him and even though i just saw him yesterday? it's just that i don't know when the next time i'll be able to see him will be. today he's working and then his house is going to be crazy cleaning because his grandparents from Texas are coming up tomorrow. and they'll be here for two weeks. and he has stuff going on in the evening until Friday. so maybe this weekend i'll be able to see him. i'll have the meet the relatives.

oh, i never mentioned that i've been officially added to their wall of pictures. i saw it on Wednesday when i was over there eating Chinese. it made me happy. Wednesday seems like it was so far away ago, since I've gone through regionals since then.

i love being able to sit here and type on my computer and just feel happy. not for any specific reason. just because i'm happy with my life. i mean i have a wonderful family, a wonderful horse, wonderful friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. when Josh and I video chatted yesterday everytime I looked at him, I couldn't help but smile. which is kind of creepy. but i don't know. we wouldn't even say anything, we would just look at each other on the computer screen and smile. and yeah. i could think of a million more things to say about Josh. like how he gets along so well with my family, and how Maeve, Bella, Maura, Josh, and I all played cards are regionals and it was so nice. and how i'm beginning to be able to tell what mood he's in, which is hard to do, but i can just sort of tell. and how when i posted on tumblr, "hi. i have the best boyfriend ever." he replied on tumblr with "and i have the best girlfriend ever." and how in the morning when he wakes up he texts me and says even though he knows i'm still sleeping he was thinking about me and wanted to text me. and yeah. now i'm talking about him like he puts the stars in the sky. okay stopping now.

and i'm glad I'm talking to Abby now. i miss talking to her. we haven't talked recently. and i haven't seen her recently either. but i still love her very much. and yeah. my life is so wonderful. so happy. okay. i think i should end this post now.

hi. i am so tired and kind of in a bad mood so if anything comes off badly in this post, you know why.

so i got distracted and now i don't feel like posing anything.

but Josh is absolutely amazing. thank the Lord that he was at regionals with me all weekend. well practically all weekend. i probably would have freaked out more than once if he wasn't there just holding my hand. i don't have the words to say how great he is and how grateful i am to have him. i'm so lucky.

a few of the reasons why i like Josh waaaay a lot.

- he video chatted with me for 5 and a half hours yesterday. do you realize how long that is?
- we found out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. do you know how long it takes to lick a lollipop 2,430 times? and how unenjoyable it is?
- we sang along to the CD i made him the entire time we were in the car and made it all the way through the whole CD. i love hearing him sing, especially when it's to me, and especially especially when it's the CD i made for him.

when was the last time i posted in here? op, tuesday. now it's saturday. yeah i've been busy. the horse show went well, Josh came even though I was like it probably won't be that good. the only thing that drove me crazy was the fact that we messed up our jump course, i really wanted to do it again.

fireworks last night were lovely. i have bruises on my side from where i was laying on the back of the truck. i could just stay there with Josh forever. but by the end i was so tired. like i couldn't even think straight. i'm glad i got home.

now i have to go charge my cellphone, cause Josh got a new one, and see if my report card and schedule came. byee.