"we're gonna lose our minds tonight."

"5am turn the radio up."

just kidding that was Wednesday night/Thursday morning. so mind already lost and radio already turned up. and then back down again.

"so raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways."

that is true. i keep sneezing. i'm sick. or allergic. i need a tissue. got one. actually toilet paper cause we're not cool enough to have actual tissues. actually i think i have one of those minipacks upstairs somewhere and there is some in the car. too lazy to get those.

on the way to the equine affair yesterday i wrote a nice long blog post. and then AndroBlogger had an "unexpected error" and I had to force quit. which sucks. so you will never see what i wrote thing. and i got a headache for nothing. but it wasn't a bad headache. my mother probably thought i was writing a novel to Abby. which in a way i am since she is the only one who can read all this. but you know that eventually i want this to be for everyone.

but as you can tell i have been thinking about the allnight skate a lot. not like analyzing it but just remembering different things and how it was fun. it makes me smile. which brings me to Casey O.'s facebook status: "If it makes you smile, do it again". Oh okay why don't i go do that all night skate thing again tonight. hahaha. that's funny. i should be sleeping now but my sleeping patterns are so messed up i feel like i'm about to pass out one second and the next i'm wide awake. but to analyze that status. i think it is true but at the same time if you do something over and over again it loses some sort of magic and it might not make you smile. honestly i think if i do another all night skate it will never be as good and it will make this all night skate not seem as good. you get what i'm saying?

so yeah that was all i thought about Friday at school and then at various times throughout the day Saturday and Sunday.

but today i was almost reminded how scary this whole riding thing is. a girl fell off and had to go to the hospital via ambulance. that girl could have been me. but it wasn't. so after she got taken away to the hospital what did i do? i jumped a horse i had never seen before and then rode another one what decided he was going to zoom around the ring on me but not for anyone else. yeah. people rode that horse before me and after me but he only decided that he wanted to be zippy when i was on him. great. and i was the point rider for that class and everyone else that could have been point rider did better than i did.

whatever though. i'll forget about this show soon enough. just like i'll forget about a lot of other things.

in the post that got deleted i sort of responded to your latest post Abby but now i am not sure if i really want to. let me go read it again...okay i am. i am going to respond. hope you don't mind.

i'm smiling thinking about it again. just in case you were wondering.

and yes i am glad that the first convo-like-thing is over but now the hard part will be the next conversation because we don't know where the other stands. in the sense that i don't know what he thinks about me and he doesn't know that about me either. and then the next conversation will be hard too until it doesn't become awkward. because that whole conversation/talking thing wouldn't have gone as well as it did if Abby wasn't there. cause we both feel comfortable will Abby so we automatically felt comfortable kind of thing. and it could be it was at a weird hour of the day. but i will know that this whole relationship/friendship/whatever will work out when talking to him isn't a big deal. when it would be weird if i passed him in the hallway and didn't say something. like with Abby. when i see her in the hall i'll bump into her or say hi or something. okay yes, there are sometimes when i don't because we are doing our thing and we'll talk later. but right now conversations are like this big deal. which i don't like. it makes it seem like they are...big deals.

i'm curious Abby, if you know and if you want to answer (you really don't have to, okay? and any questions i might ask from here out, you do not have to answer or even acknowledge that i asked), why did Colin not want to talk to us? It just seemed really weird because we sit together at lunch and get along fine and the only thing different from lunch is you take out Jon and put in Josh. so yeah that was weird. but it wasn't terrible either. i am glad it didn't turn into some big drama thing that ruined the night.

Abby it's okay to depend on other people. I wouldn't be who I am not if it wasn't for you. That sounds so big and dramatic but it's true. You have made me a much more confident person than before. Did you know that today I walked around the horse show will a belt wrapped around my waist over my shirt? why? because i wanted to and i thought it looked fashionable. and i hung my pink fifth place ribbon off it so i could show it off even though most people don't show off fifth place ribbons and i ate my sandwich like that in front of everyone. i never would have done that before. and just talking to me. okay so maybe i can't say it is all because of you. but you helped a lot. so while that is different than you and Colin, i think it is sort of similar, right? that's the closest thing i have because i haven't had a guy like that.

and it's okay to be worried just don't let it control you and make you become paranoid. not that you would. just mentioning for the sake of mentioning. especially since i don't know everything that is happening. which is fine by me. honestly. i am perfectly fine being included only as much as you want me to. because the only thing that is my business is my friendship with you, not your friendships with other people. i'm not noisy. cause curiosity killed the cat. even though i'm not a cat.

just to note i have no idea what you last sentence means. i'm not sure if it was directed towards me or not. you don't have to tell me. i can just wonder for a few minutes then forget about it and maybe think about it once or twice more and then it will probably not cross my mind again. oh here's the sentence. which is a lovely sentence just separate like this: "Just please don't be unlovely with someone else."

so i'm just going to finish up this blog and then go to sleep. and then tomorrow i'll do homework. think a little bit too much. carry on. and not really worry about anything cause what happens happens. and no one will be able to tell on the outside that this is how i think and that i even care about all of this and that this blog even exists and that i get nervous and that i do wonder and care and contemplate all this stuf. cause it's cool to make it look like you don't care. (why? but that's for another post) and that's how i roll.

IDEA. Abby ask me questions. Text me, or talk to me on facebook, or make me a blog post filled with questions you want to ask me. All of those ones that pop up when you read my blogs but you are too nice to ask. Ask me those. That way I actually can write about something that you want to read. I write what I want to write or what I think my future readers want me to write but how answer the questions that you want to know. Of course i'll answer them in blog form because i'm not smart enough to answer them in actually speech. jeez, what do you think i am? a human? plus in blog form for some reason i manage to...haha i almost said get my point across better, what a lie. i mean i manage to convey my feelings better? not sure if that is what i am trying to say or not. but if you don't like that idea then just don't do it. or if you don't have a questions be like "um what's your favorite color?" but of course you have questions. who doesn't?

okay it's 9:03pm and i felt like falling asleep before 6 so now i'm just mushy mush of a brain.

nine oh five.

just kidding. two things. i love Taylor Swift's song "Ours" which i listened to via youtube but i should be getting the actual song soon. and the song that was playing at the all-night skate that i was attempting to sing along to but i didn't know all the words is "Our Song" by Spill Canvas.

so the plan? i'm listening to Ours by Taylor Swift now so i am going to keep listening to that and then when i am done i am going to listen to Spill Canvas until i shut down my computer. and i'm going to post the lyrics to both of them because this post isn't nearly long enough. that was sarcasm.

"Ours" Taylor Swift
Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me wanna take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now, my tongue is theirs

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care, cause right now you're mine

And you'll say don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and your hands are tough but they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you

Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
Cause my heart is yours

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

"Our Song" Spill Canvas
Be kind when you rewind the story of the two of us
Sometimes you wish we were a little more mysterious
When you look at me with your cinematic eyes
I wanna play the part but I forget the lines

I do it all the time
I never get it right

One daywhen you replay the slideshow we know
Pictures won't show villians and heroes
It's just me killing time with you
Butter knife's dull but it still cuts through

We never were
We'll never be

Strangers kissing in the pouring rain
Chasing after your leaving train
But we know that's not how our song goes

Your'e a waitress in a cocktail bar
And I'll save you cause I'm a big rock star
But we know that's not how our song goes

It goes like this

You didn't like my friends and your mom didn't trust me
I thought I was slick but my moves were rusty
Bought you a 12-pack promised you sushi
Sorry if I wasn't straight out of a movie

We never were
We'll never be

Strangers kissing in the pouring rain
Chasing after your leaving train
But we know that's not how our song goes

Your'e a waitress in a cocktail bar
And I'll save you cause I'm a big rock star
But we know that's not how our song goes

Be kind when you rewind the story of the two of us
Sometimes you wish we were a little more mysterious
When you look at me with your cinematic eyes
I wanna play the part but I'm messing up the lines

We never were
We'll never be

Strangers kissing in the pouring rain
Chasing after your leaving train
But we know that's not how our song goes

Your'e a waitress in a cocktail bar
And I'll save you cause I'm a big rock star
But we know that's not how our song goes

It goes like this
It goes like this

I think overall it was a success.

So yeah last night/this morning was the all-night skate.
I'm going to evaluate it by making a list of things that could have made it go wrong and seeing if those happened. If it happened there will be a big X instead of a blank line.
___ Someone got really hurt
___ Someone completely embarrassed him or herself
___ A whole bunch of drama happened
___ People cried
___ It was pointless
___ It wasn't fun
___ It just sucked

So none of that happened so I say it was a success.

My favorite part? I have two actually. One was laser tag. Not because our team won. I think our score was actually 4 to 54 and my team had the four. I don't really care though that no one I was playing with knew how to aim or actually play. I just had fun running around like crazy shooting people. I don't think I actually got anyone but it was a whole lot of fun. I was exhausted afterwards because I kept running around even if I was already shot. I would attack people who were hiding behind the barrier and you know it was just a lot of fun. Second was just sitting at the table with Abby and Josh. I was overtired so I was completely out of it and I probably didn't make much sense or contribute in a good way to the conversation but it was nice. Because you don't get to do that in school. You can just sit down and talk because you always feel like you have something else you should be doing, or you actually do. Or you never get the chance because you don't have class with them or whatever. At the same time that was nice though it was kind of awkward. Josh and I didn't look at each other when we were speaking to each other which Abby called us out on. But at least we were talking to each other jeez. (:

So I guess now I have to talk about my nonexistent relationship status? Well I guess technically it exists, it just hasn't changed my whole life. Hahaha. Good thing I can laugh at that now because when I'm 40 and never been kissed I won't be laughing. Actually when I'm 40 I am going to have a husband and children thank you very much. But anyways. I'm not sure that much changed. But I need to say more than that because I know you are wondering more Abby because I wouldn't say anything at the all night skate. Yes I am glad that Josh sat next to me and all but you missed that whole exchange. Mike was the one who told Josh to sit there. I moved over and all and I think Mike was going to sit on the opposite side and Josh started sitting at a different table and Mike told him to sit there. And then he sat there for the rest of the night whether I was sitting next to him or not. I think Josh is really nice. End of sentence, I'm not adding a "but" to that last sentence. I'm not dying to go out with him either. Because it is still really awkward. As our table decided to have to know someone before you can date them.

Yeah why the heck was the majority of the subject matter about Mike's love life? This is an allnight skate, meaning it is too late to be thinking about deep and sad and troubling subject matters. So that is why I stayed quiet during most of that. That and I have no experience to contribute. I could have contributed my opinions but my opinions were mostly already said by Abby and Josh. So I just ate my skittles and tried to stay awake. Cool.

At the end of the night I would have sat with you guys again but I didn't want to leave Katelyn. All of her other friends had fallen asleep and if I had left her at that table my herself she never would have forgiven me. And I don't think she would have appreciated it if I told her to slid into a booth with two other people. But I found it funny when I was sitting with Katelyn at the next table over I heard Mike say "Who was that girl that was sitting with us before?" Hahahaha. Mike was telling all about his love life with me sitting right there and he didn't even know my name. He filled up my water bottle for me and he didn't even know my name. That made me actually laugh out loud. But then I heard Josh say "Molly" so now Mike knows. And then Abby brought up the whole thing there Josh and I don't look at each other and I started talking to her but I didn't turn around. Then I heard Josh say "Hi Molly" and I said "Hi Josh" without turning around thinking that we were making the point to Abby that you can talk to someone without looking at them. But now I was thinking maybe he turned around to make the point that we could talk to each other looking at each other but I do not know.

It was nice though overall. I am glad that I know how to skate because I saw some people struggling with that. Like Jonny Forance who is good at EVERYTHING. And Lauren Larison is just amazing at skating. And Dimitri looks cute when he is sleeping on one of the benches.

And I am proud of myself that I stayed awake all night. And then around 4ish in the morning Katelyn and I were walking around the rink because all of her friends had fallen asleep and we still had that problem that we all didn't fit at one table. Anyways. So we were walking around and I was dancing and all the half-sleep people saw me rocking out yo. I am sure I looked completely ridiculous but hey that's fine. I didn't feel like falling asleep at all so I just jammed out. I think only Dan, Justin, Katelyn, Abby, Colin, Josh, Mike, and me didn't fall asleep or try to fall asleep. There could have been other people who were just sitting there for the majority of the time and didn't go to sleep or try to. But who knows.

But hey now I know I can stay up for 24 hours. Then sleep for 9. Yeah I slept until 3. But Katelyn slept until 5 and now she may not be going to school tomorrow. That's okay.

You know how I said I didn't want Katelyn to go? Well now I am glad she did because I had someone to skate around with and walk around with. That why I had two people. I could either go with Abby but when Abby was with other people then I went with Katelyn. The only time I wished she wasn't there or would fall asleep was at the end when I wanted to sit at the other table but didn't want to leave her. But the goodness of her being there outweighs the badness or whatever.

I think I have covered everything. Just kidding. I guess I should mention Adam. Poor Adam didn't know how to skate which sort of ruins part of the night. I felt bad for everyone who didn't know how to skate because then what are you supposed to do all night? But even more awkward than talking to Josh would have been talking to Adam since I haven't talked to him in so long. Hey I guess I could consider him a "summer love" because I only really talked to him during the summer and then school started and I didn't. But you have to used that term very broadly because when I say "talked to him" I mean I had about two good conversations and that's it.

But I think we should do that again. Go skating and play laser tag. Or go see a movie and then go play laser tag. Some day when no one is at the mall. And when I say "we" I guess who that include could be debatable but mainly I mean me, Abby, Colin, and Josh, to come right out and say it. But if we want to include Katelyn or Mollie or Nicole or Mike or other people that's cool with me too because otherwise it might end up being awkward and we wouldn't have enough people to play laser tag.

Now I'm hungry. I had some pizza around 3:30 and now its 5:36. That's around dinner time right? I don't know what the rest of my family is eating for dinner cause they are painting pottery currently and will probably get home between 7 and 8 if I had to guess. They are meticulous painters.

And why the heck is it dark out? It's not even 6 and it is pitch black out.

So let me wrap this up by saying that right now I should be writing a letter for a soldier or reading history and I am glad I went to all-night skate. If nothing else I had fun. If more than that I was able to get to know Josh more. If more than that it was freaking awesome.

Abby I hope you are having fun working. I think we shall talk about this at lunch tomorrow, yes?

before the all night skate i just wanted to tell you this story.

so i watch this girl on youtube vlog and her name is Cassandra and her channel is nerdzRL and anyways. the radio station she was listening to asked people to call and talk to them about the weirdest place that they met their boy/girlfriend.

so Cassandra called. and i had known that she had this boyfriend because he was in her vlogs and i knew the place but i didn't know the whole story so here it is.

Cassandra goes to EB Games and she is either buying a game for applying for a job (I couldn't make out what she said). And there was a cute boy returning a game. And she overheard him saying his phone number. She was trying not to hear it but she got it and she texted this number. She overheard a random cute guy's number and she texted it. And they started dating. This is a true story.

Oh my goodness. so awesome/cool/weird/creepy/but totally awesome.

And now i have to decide if i want to try to sleep or get some makeup on or figure out what i want to bring or do nothing. why do i have to do all this? ALL NIGHT SKATE TONIGHT. SO PUMPED. WOOOO!

edit: quote of the day "Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves." – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

GUESS WHAT I JUST BOUGHT?

the song "Hey Molly" by Mike Lombardo! I didn't even know it was on itunes! i love DFTBA records. and i told my mother that i wanted Charlie's album "This is Me" for Christmas. the actual CD. and the Sons of Admirals tshirt. so i am so excited for Christmas now.

and now i have to memorize all the words to this song so if i play it for someone i will know the words. it has my name in it yo. so i'm so excited.

i just need to say this.

i am supposed to be asleep right now but i'm back!

i just want to make this clear in case for some strange reason this blog is read by a lot of people.

these people that i'm mentioning, they aren't just random names and some prop that i use in my life. they have their own lives. they have their own worries. they have their own thoughts. they have their own days and families and everything. that doesn't have anything to do with me.

i'm not sure how to explain that better. but i'll say it again. they are real people with their own lives.

i can mention Adam's name but that doesn't mean he only appears when i mention his name. he is out living his life right now. he has homework to do. he has to deal with Mrs. Schott's algebra class. he has to deal with having his sister go to college so now he is on the only child in the house for the first time. he has to deal with his friends and school. that doesn't have anything to do with me. i don't know if i cross his mind or if i'm a worrry of his. i'm probably not. which is fine. perfectly fine. but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a life. he is a person just like you and me.

and that applies to everyone. not just the guys. when i mention a name like Janelle. i only mentioned her because she said something of interest to me. but her life doesn't stop there.

these are real people. they have lives. what you see on the surface isn't even half the story. and what you see in this blog isn't even a quarter of the story.

don't judge people based on what i say. and don't judge me based on what i say. okay, you can probably judge me based on this but don't think this is the whole story.

everyone is so much more than what they seem. even if you think you know a person really well, you don't know everything.

but i really just wanted to get that point across because i think it is important.

oh thought of a better comparison. in a story that an author writes that is completely fictional. they need someone to cough so the teacher doesn't hear the main character's phone go off. they might mention a name of who coughs but then they don't appear for the rest of the book. and you forget about this character. that happens in fictional stories. this isn't fictional. this is my life. every person is real. they have their own lives. they keep going forward. they are people.

i think i covered that one enough. do you think? do you get what i'm saying?

moral of the story: don't read a name in my blog and forget about them. think about their lives. think about their struggles and what they have to deal with each day. think about who they are as a person. think about their personality. wonder what their favorite color is. think about how they get along with their parents. think about what they would say if you talked to think. think of them as people and not as names.

that's the real moral: think of them as people and not as names. because we are more than a name. you are more than a name. and i am more than a name.

i am more than a name.
Molly Ronan is just my name, it isn't who i am.

i think i need to update you all.

OH I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE A NOVEL TO WRITE. yeah i forgot about it. but i want to write in here so i'm gonna. uh huh uh huh.

now i don't know what to write. figures.

i guess i want to write about the soccer game that i went to with Bella. she asked me why i wanted to go, or which boy i was there for. i didn't tell her at first but eventually i did sort of. well that's because i wasn't exactly there for a boy i just wanted to go and see what it was like. but i did want to see Dimitri because i think he is very nice and all and he's in my history class.

and now it's time for dinner so i will write more in a bit. but when you read this there won't be any pause. i think i'll probably talk more about Dimitri but it feels weird talking about him. i talk about other guys all the time so why am i feeling awkward about this? anyways i'll figure that out after i eat my spaghetti and meatballs.

i'm back. i bet you didn't miss me at all. i want to prove my point that for some reason it is harder to talk about Dimitri. you can't really tell because you can feel what i am feeling and hear what i am thinking in addition to what i write. so here you go. Adam Munska needs to man up yo. he ended up going to trash can to put his tray up and throw away his trash at the same time as me and Abby and he didn't even say hi. sure i was talking to abby but he could have smiled or waved or whatever. but he didn't. then again i didn't either but whatever yo.

okay so keep in mind that ease of that paragraph if you can even see it because i don't really know. but yeah now i don't know where to start. too awkward. ah. going crazy. not really.

but Dimitri has always been on my...scope? that is an awful word. radar? but i always saw him as a nice guy who i would like to get to know or you know. but i didn't really think about him until he was in my APUSH class. and then i was in ceramics class and at the table to my right is Janelle G, Lauren L, Will C, and Justin C, and all they do is talk and gossip and i like to listen in. Will is on the varsity soccer team with Dimitri so they were talking about a previous game. and apparently Dimitri got a yellow card and he felt so bad about it. and he kept apologizing to his coach. and Janelle was saying how he is just such a nice guy and how most people wouldn't even care about the yellow card or whatever. and how after he was helping the guy up who he did something to do deserve a yellow card and was making sure he was okay and whatever. i think actually listening to that conversation made me sort of pay attention to him more. and some days he comes into ceramics because he is an office-aide and it makes me smile to see him and he is just sort of quiet like he doesn't want to intrude or whatever. not really sure how to explain that.

but it comes down to this. i can think what i want to him and i can hand papers back to him everyday in history class but i haven't actually talked to him. ouch. but i can change that, right? will i change that? who knows. looking at past experiences, the answer is no. but like taylor swift says "who you are is not where you've been". but i always miss opportunities. i just don't think of it. like now i can think of at least one time today where i could have said something to him but i didn't because i didn't think of it then. i thought of it now.

and then the other thing it comes down to is he probably never thinks about me at all. he probably doesn't notice me when he comes into ceramics. and when i pass things back to him he is probably just glad he gets the paper. so there you go.

and all of this is the same with a list of other people. and then nothing comes of that so i am like okay whatever so i find someone knew. it's pretty sick of me actually. but maybe one of these days something actually will come of it. or something good will happen that i completely wasn't expecting.

i also want to note that when Steven is nervous he rambles on and on. we had to present our poster today and when he was explaining his part he talked on and on about things that weren't necessary and he repeated himself. i just wished he would realize what he was doing and correct himself. it's like when people go up to speak and i can tell they are nervous then i can't look at them. it just tortures me to see them up there nervous and when their hands shake it is even worse. i use to be like that but i have gotten so much better. like today my hand wasn't shaking at all. i did stumble over what i was saying a few times but that was because i didn't have it planed out and i was just winging it. but hey i'm getting better yo.

i can't think of much else to write other than i have successfully wasted all of my NaNo time. it's sad that i am not motivated to write. i should force myself. that's the NaNo spirit but whatever. i'm really tired too. it must be daylight savings time. which is just weird. it shows you how man-made time is. the actually day and when the sun rises and such doesn't change but we decide that we just want to put all the clocks back an hour. it's just really strange. so on sunday morning it was 2:02am twice. which is just weird.

should i write about something else? nah. i think i am going to eat some cake and maybe read some and then go to sleep. i am too tired. it's 7:14pm but last week at this time it was actually 8:14pm. too weird.

okay something else i want to mention. i don't get how some girls can put on eyeliner and make it look good. if i put it on me it just makes me look weird. and the eyelashes on my left eye always look like crap. they won't look like they are supposed to and they don't match my right eye. my right eye looks beautiful all the time though.

anyways. i need to stop this nonsense.

i didn't even say about the soccer game how i went with Bella and we were loners and we were freezing so when normal time ended 0-0 we just left cause Bella wanted to and we didn't really realize they were going into overtime cause it was the playoffs. and it went into like double overtime and then to penalty kicks. and i missed it. i was very sad. why couldn't bella have worn some warmer clothes? but whateves yo. no one even knows i went because first i sat with the Palmer people and then we sat behind all the bleachers on the little fence thing. cause we're cool.

why do i do this stupid blog?
not going to answer that or else i'll be here for another ten minutes.
it's 7:20 en el noche.

"all you got to do is smile at me and down i go."