i have this nawing tightening anxious feeling in my stomach. it feels like i'm nervous and like i'm upset at myself. like I am worried about what is going to happen next.

I don't know. Ellie just got back from the weekend and I just didn't have the energy to entertain her. so I sort of just sat quietly until she left. and I know she knew that I was out of it. but whatever.

I really just want to go to sleep. but I have to go do my shift at the innovation center, but I probably won't stay the whole time because I need sleep. and I still have this horrible feeling in my stomach.

I have been watching the show Nashville and now i'm hooked on it.

it's nawing, tightening.
pounding, coming ever closer.
I just want to go to sleep.
but I still have ten things to get done.
my mind can't stop.
what I should be doing. what i'm not doing.
who wants me to do what.
I need to break away.
I need to sleep.
but they won't stop telling me what I should be doing.
I won't stop telling me what I should be doing.
expectations and reality are one and the same.
don't let them down.
don't let yourself down.
you need to do this. you need to keep going.
you said you would.
they need you to.
you need you to.
I need me to.
i'm the one letting the pressure get to me.
it's all made up.
the expectations from others are mine only.