hi I should go to sleep now but I feel like checking in.

my heart has been feeling strange. like heavy or like it is working hard or tight or strange. and i'm sure it's all mental from when the doctor said she heard a heart murmur. I looked up heart murmur and most are innocent. but i'm pretty sure i'm mentally doing this because when I am busy or thinking about other things I am fine, but when I have down time that is when I feel it so i am sure my brain just goes there. so i'm trying not to think or worry about it but it is hard.

but this week is a crazy one. after class tomorrow i have to do fme practice presentations. and then i am going out to dinner and then to a concert. so i have no time to do work. and then Tuesday i'm going to wake up early to do work and then after class i have to babysit and i'm not sure until how late. and then Wednesday i'm also babysitting until 6:30 and then my dad asked if i wanted to go to a concert with him. and then Thursday i am babysitting too and then going to the hunger games premiere. and then Friday at 2pm i'm on a bus to the airport to go to chile. what. alright then. we will get it all done though.

okay but strange occurrence today. this morning joe cooked me, Amelie, roxy, and irfaan pancakes. i think joe was gone at this point. but roxy told me that her boyfriend mike was going to join us to go see the hunger games premiere to which i said yay third wheel. and then she felt bad and i was like no no it's fine, i'm just giving you a hard time. but then Irfaan said he was going to come so yay. but then a little while roxy said something sassy to irfaan so he said that she couldn't come to the hunger games and started to say "so then Mike will be the..." and then stopped and i was just shaking my head and he said he wasn't going to finish that sentence. and we kind of laughed. and then sort of said something else and i said i was going to say that i would be third wheeling him and mike. but anyways it was strange because he went to thinking that it would be like we were together and you know that it was just what came to his head because he stopped himself midsentence when he realized. i'm sure i was blushing like crazy.

because the thing is i kind of like Irfaan, in the way that you kind of interested. i have been since then first year. so i am extra aware of what i say and how i act around him sort of thing. but not that i necessarily want anything to happen. if anything i would like to be better friends with him. i never actually hang out and talk with him unless in a big group and i never actually talk. i realized i don't know all that about him, so like we act like friends in the group but aren't actually that close.

but anyways now I've been thinking about that. i know it is not a big deal and i can't bring it up and talk about it with anyone because then they will know I've been thinking about it and i care and might be interested in him. anyways fun stuff. and i think joe is coming to the movies now too, which is good, but also bad because i was kind of excited for a kind of double date, but not really, thing. anyways we will see how that goes on Thursday!

now i really should go to sleep. exciting week. now cut it out heart/brain.