I would say before I started babysitting this family I always wanted to have girls, if I have kids. just because I grew up with two sisters and I have almost always babysat girls. but now I am babysitting this family of two boys and one little girl. and the boys are adorable and I love them. not that i'm supposed to have favorites but griffin, the 6 year old is my favorite. he is so adorable and just lovable and always has things he wants to tell me and he like to hold my hand and sit on my lap and play with me. and then today we were reading a book where it says that kissing is gross and he pauses and says "can I just say something? people say kissing is gross but I don't think so" to which his brother, who is 8 says "yes it is!" but it was just so adorable. so basically what I am saying is that little boys are so cute and adorable. and the older one grant is so cute too. we were dancing before bed.

I don't know if I will have kids. I say that and I instantly think of everyone saying "what are you saying molly you are so good with kids! you babysit all the time!" yeah I love kids and I love hanging out with them for a few hours but to actually raise them and be with them all the time. that is a full time job. and what if I mess up. I don't know how my mom raised us, I can't remember how she disciplined us or what she did or how to raise kids. I have no idea. and plus if I am going to raise kids I want it to be my full time job, I don't want to have another job or things to worry about. but I also want to have a successful career in the music industry. so then it is pressure like if I want to have kids that I need to have my career all sorted out beforehand and be satisfied with it so I can be happy to "retire" and be a full-time mom. so that's the kind of pressure i'm dealing with. well not really since it is so far off. but at the same time as I am saying I might not have kids right now it is hard to imagine me not being a mom. I want a family and all. but I also want a successful career.

anyways college basketball is on the tv and all I can think about is how they are still kids, they are just college students. so much pressure. so many people watching. such a big deal. yet they are just my age. they are kids. that is what I was thinking and now they are showing a guy on the losing team who is crying on the sidelines because there is less than a minute less and they are losing by 20. they came so close, to the final four, and then they lose it. it must be so much pressure and so crazy. but then come Monday they will be back in class again. just kids.

I should be doing work, I didn't do nearly as much today as I should have. oh well.