hi so i need to give you an update.

Dylan didn't go on a date with me on wednesday. he had umass orientation and basically had a shit day so after that he wasn't feeling up to a date. which i understand. but there are some other things that are pissing me off. like that i've talked to him for maybe a week and that he has dragged me into all of this shit. and it's not even like he shares all his feelings, he just says enough so he pulls me in and makes me worried and makes me feel bad and like i should be helping him. but not enough so i really know how he is feeling or so i can really help him. like he tells me his ex just texted him. and then barely texts me for the rest of the night. doesn't fill me in on details, just lets me suffer and feel bad for him. and then when i text him to say i'm going to sleep and let me know if he wants to go out or whatnot the next day (this was all tuesday night) he just goes "i'm sorry" so of course i have to be like, it's not your fault, it's fine, then i say "just try to get at least some sleep tonight" to which he replies "i won't". like what the fuck am i supposed to reply to that with? so i didn't, i just went to sleep myself.

it's bad. because i let myself get attached too quickly. texting him all the time. skyping. i don't regret it, it was fun, but at the same time i became too depend on him for my happiness. i let myself get sucked into his pit of self-pity.

and then today he doesn't text me all day until like 8 when he says since the last time he texted me all he has done is sleep and watch tv. and i think back to when he said he was he wouldn't have time for the rest of week for a date. hmmm. today would have been perfect for a date. right after i went out with Dana i could have just stayed out later no problem. but instead he decides to be a jerk.

and i felt bad because he actually came up in conversation with Dana. because we were talking about Clare, his ex, who was also a camp counselor, and who is Dana's friend. and Dana was like "did she talk about her boyfriend at all?" and i was like nooo, not really, why? and she said because they just broke up after two years...and i'm all like that sucks. and she was like yeah, he was a jerk, but really nice..."well really nice to her but not so nice to other people. and i never liked him anyways" and i feel bad because i have been talking to him for the past week and i know the whole story and the history between him and Dana. but it was interesting. it also reminded me that Dana is my true friend and this is just some kid i met over some stupid hook up app.

so basically i'm taking a step back and trying to be independent. like he can text me if he wants to. i'm not going to text him first. i'm going to assume that he doesn't want to go out with me since he couldn't do it Wednesday and didn't make an effort today even though he said he didn't do anything...and there is the fact that he never asked me about my day today so i didn't share. and honestly if he didn't text me today i wouldn't have talked to him at all.

soo i'm not sure if i will talk about him anymore on here because i'm moving on. it's really up to him if he wants to stay in contact with me or not. because if he stops texting me, i'm not looking back. and i think i'm done with tinder. i'm talking to another guy now, so we will see where that goes and then i'm done. i'm going to focus on real face to face connections with people in real life. i'm excited for school for real people and friends and not this whole fake stuff through text and skype.

well there's my update i guess. i'm going to ignore everything else going on in my life for now.