hi so i need to get my life back on track.

like literally all i did while i was house sitting was be hung up on this guy. (i'm listening to hung up by hot chelle rae so that's where i got that from) but seriously i texted him whenever i could and always was thinking about him. i forgot how sickening having a crush can be. it just consumes you.

and then he says he doesn't know if he can go on his date because his umass orientation might go all day and he can't do any other day. so i was basically crushed and sad. i mean i know that it wasn't going to go anywhere but i still wanted to meet him and have one nice date. i haven't been on a date in a while. and i've only been on dates with josh. i want to go have nice dates. but i mean i guess that saves having to explain to my mom where i'm going. but still. i'm hoping that he will get out of orientation and be like "come meet me please!!!!" and then i'll get all excited and have all butterflies and figure out something to say to my mom and then get out of here.

but i mean i'm texting another guy from tinder too. i am pretty sure i'm going to have to delete it because it is time consuming and while it can be flattering, i want to meet someone in real life. not through a hookup app.

but i was slumming it last night when i found out the date might not exist. and then when i got home today i was literally sleeping on the couch and didn't want to get up. but then i gave myself a little pep talk - i literally said it out loud to myself.

i was like: molly, why are you like this? because i'm tired. well you can still be happy and tired. you can still get stuff done and be tired. and i'm unhappy because i might not have a date and i don't know if he actually likes me and it's all stupid anyways. molly, you are letting a boy you haven't even met control your happiness. you can be happy with or without him. you know you're amazing. plus guys are attracted to girls to who love themselves and do things that they love. so get up, love yourself, and go do something you love.

and it helped. i need to give myself pep talks more often.

also i just thought i would share a little philosophy i have. whenever i'm going through something unpleasant or that i don't like: such as a 2 hour car ride when i have to pee and i'm hungry. or stubbing my toe really hard. or something of that nature. i tell myself it's practice, training, for later when i really matters and i have to woman up. and it helps. it makes me pull myself together and sort of be happy that i'm going through this experience since it's practice and helping me get ready for the future. but isn't that what all experience we go through for? to get us ready to more exp

[i had just stopped that post then, i saw it was a draft after i posted my last one...so i'll finish the sentence...to get us ready to experience even more and more and just get through life. everything we go through in life is to help us get through something else later.]