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i wish i had friends. like a group of people i could just call up at 9pm and say "ice cream, let's go" and we would all go out and get ice cream at 9 at night. or really just any friends that live here. i have babson friends but the closest one of those is 3 hours away. i don't know. just friends would be nice so i don't have to come home every day after camp or stay with my family every weekend. if only i could be friends with my fellow counselors. i should work on that. i am really not that good at making friends.

but i do like camp. it is exhausting but i have my campers and it's good. i like it. i'm doing some...

i wrote that yesterday, monday, now it's tuesday. and i just found out McKinley Kitts has a girlfriend who is gorgeous but it just kind of bums me out. like i don't know. it's not like i need a boyfriend. but it would be nice to have someone interested who i can flirt with and have those feelings with. and i don't know. it's boring when i don't have any friends or cute guys. blahh. like i have been sitting in this house by myself for the last two hours just on my laptop because i have nothing else to do. i literally have no friends right now i can call up to hang out without it being extremely awkward because i haven't talked to them in forever.

like really molly, what is your life? you are 19 years old. you are supposed to be living it up, going out with friends, staying out like, just being awesome.

now i am about to cry. it just really hit me right now that i'm 19 and this is my life. when i was younger i probably thought i would be having a grand old time with my friends being a cool teenager. instead i'm sitting at home with my sweatpants. i guess at least i have a job. and my kids think i'm cool.  and i have them. but seriously. this really sucks. i just want to some friends but i pushed them all away didn't i? fuck me.

but taylor mathews called me on my birthday. i don't even care that my mom asked him to or whatever. he cared enough to call me. the only one. okay, auntie julie did but that doesn't really count. seriously though. fuck. what am i doing this weekend? out partying with friends? nope. sitting at home most likely. gahh. i just want to go out with friends and have fun and whatever.

whatever dude. i'll be partying it up when i'm a successful multi-million dollar businesswoman. HAHAH jk, i'll be working and running that multi-million dollar business. like i say how i will be successful and "famous" so i will be able to meet all these awesome people, but by the time i can do that i'll probably be old and not even care about R5 or Taylor Mathews or any of those bands i'm going to see.

i'm literally crying right now. like i know i shouldn't be complaining. i have an amazing life. i have a job i love. i have two awesome younger sisters. i have two parents who love me, even if they aren't together anymore. i am healthy. i have a roof over my head. i have clothes. i have all of these electronics. i'm safe.

i realize that. and i know i should shut up. but it's just hard sometimes when this is your reality. i should do something productive. like start a business that changes the world. i'll start on that right now.