apparently my last post was in October. it's December now.

good going.

why haven't i posted in here? cause i talk to josh. and it seems stupid writing in this stupid thing. honestly. but often i still find myself thinking like i'm writing a blog post, or thinking about my possible future readers and how they're probably wondering about everything that's been happening in my life. but then again, i may never have future readers then all of this is for nothing. not really, its for me but whatever.

so next question. what made me write in it now? cause i'm in a horrible upset mood cause by not having anything to do and having no motivation to find anything. this is the first time this has happened in a while. it used to happen more often. but now that's its here it's pretty bad. i read for two hours so i didn't have to do anything else. i sat at the kitchen table and did nothing because i didn't know what to do. then i went up to my room and cried on my bed. now i'm doing this.

i hate freaking emotions and how i can't control. or i guess i can, i just don't have the willpower to do so.

i should just take a shower and get over myself. maybe i'll do that cause this is stupid.