"If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you" - Misfits, I saw it on tumblr

Me: hi, my name is molly and I like you a lot and can we get rich and build a house on a mountain making everyone look like ants?
Josh: Hi (= my name is josh, and i like you a lot, and we can definitely get a house on a mountain high above everyone else (=
Me: Okay dokay sounds good! (:
Josh: It does! And then we'll put a huuuge star on a tree or something during christmas so everyone around can see it!
Me: I would love that so much! But can we keep it on all year long?
Josh: We definitely can (= then everyone can see it all the time!
Me: Yay! :D

i hate how stupid and emotional i am.
why am i crying.

Hi (:
I like you way a lot. And you might be wondering why I'm writing you this letter when I can just talk to you. Well I just read an extremely cute letter someone wrote to her future boyfriend. I wanted to write one, but I don't have a future boyfriend. I have one right now and I couldn't be any happier.
It's amazing walking through the hallways and even if you aren't right next to me, just knowing you're somewhere and that you're there. I don't know how to really describe it. Just knowing you're there I guess.
It was almost a year ago when we started texting each other. I remember that day Maeve, my mom, and I all went shopping in Northampton, and then to the mall. I was sort of dragged along, but I was so happy because I was talking to you. And even happier because we were having an actual conversation that was amazing. Since then I haven't been able to stop talking to you. About anything, everything, and even nothing.
I'm often afraid about what's going to happen once September rolls along. Or if we're even going to get there, but I can't think of why we wouldn't. And I think about what other people think when they see us together and what they think about us. But it doesn't really matter does it? The here and now is what matters. Here and now I care about you a lot and I think you do about me too.
I don't know why though. Is that bad that I still have trouble grasping the idea that someone like you would like someone like me? I still wonder how we got here, from never talking to each other, to never stopping talking to each other, to kissing each other every time we part ways. You never seem to agree with me on that. You think it's the most natural thing that we ended up together now. And maybe it is. But I don't know. Does it seem like we could just be together because of Abby and Colin? I like to think that isn't true, but would I have even started talking to you if Abby and Colin weren't dating? Probably not. But it's not like we got together soon after they did. It took us long enough didn't it? I often feel like we have to live up to them. That people compare us to them, or maybe I just do. I've always thought of Abby as being as perfect as a person can get. In 7th grade she was the bees knees and she still is. I'm just me though and I don't know how come you like me so much. Maybe this is the whole you can't love someone until you love yourself thing. I don't know. We're just teenagers. I still think love is too big of a word. But I would love to say those three words to you one day and really really really mean it.
Now I feel like a silly sappy corny romantic girl. I'm not sure what else to say, in fear that I'll say more silly things. I should be doing something more productive now, like essays and projects, and whatever else. It's so dark out right now and it's only 4:50. Which is random but it feels so much later. I still have so much time to do things that I don't want to do. I'm sorry, I'm ruining your letter.
But I do like you a lot. You make me very happy. I hope I make you happy too.
Now I guess I'm done.
From,
Molly (:

i have never been more worried or anxious in my life.
i don't even know how to describe it.
i don't think i would be able to handle not getting into a school.
i can barely handle the suspense now.
Roger Williams called and i didn't answer. i didn't know it was them at the time. now i just keep breaking down crying cause i don't even know. the uncertainties and worries are driving me crazy. and they called home and Maeve didn't answer and didn't get the phone to my mom in time.
i'm seriously going to rip out my hair.
i hate this so much.

i love you.

i hate those words. well not really. they are just kind of scary. and i don't like all the meaning packed behind them and how they can be twisted and used in so many ways.

like i see people on facebook who have been dating each other for like 4 months and they say "i love you so much!" and honestly i don't think they do. or maybe they do, i have no right to say.

no, josh and i haven't said it to each other. so i'm saying i don't love him? i don't know. they are loaded words and by saying them i feel like the sense of commitment just increases by a lot.

today we went to the movies and right after it finished we were talking and i was smiling, no i was grinning, one of those wide spread truly happy smiles. i can't remember what he said or what we were talking about. all i remember was when i had that huge smile on my face it popped into my head to say "I love you." i didn't though.

i think the day i know i love him is when i don't think about saying it, i just do. it will just come out because i can't hold it in any longer. so i know it's my heart speaking and not my head.

ooooh so romantic and corny. you can't blame me, i just saw the first part of Breaking Dawn.

apparently my last post was in October. it's December now.

good going.

why haven't i posted in here? cause i talk to josh. and it seems stupid writing in this stupid thing. honestly. but often i still find myself thinking like i'm writing a blog post, or thinking about my possible future readers and how they're probably wondering about everything that's been happening in my life. but then again, i may never have future readers then all of this is for nothing. not really, its for me but whatever.

so next question. what made me write in it now? cause i'm in a horrible upset mood cause by not having anything to do and having no motivation to find anything. this is the first time this has happened in a while. it used to happen more often. but now that's its here it's pretty bad. i read for two hours so i didn't have to do anything else. i sat at the kitchen table and did nothing because i didn't know what to do. then i went up to my room and cried on my bed. now i'm doing this.

i hate freaking emotions and how i can't control. or i guess i can, i just don't have the willpower to do so.

i should just take a shower and get over myself. maybe i'll do that cause this is stupid.