the song that just came on shuffle was "keep holding on" by the glee cast.

hi.

so last night wasn't that great. but for the rest of my existence that is spent with the people that i spent it will i will be constantly reminded that it was amazing and they had a great time. yeah it sort of sucked. the movie? was amazing. being ditched by steph and katelyn twice? not so great. having to go and get them because everyone started to go in without us so we ended up at the END of the line? not so great. having to listen to Stephanie talk during the movie and after the movie all the way on the car ride home? not so great. having to deal with katelyn so told me to "shut up"? not so great. be frustrated at the only friends i have? not so great. feeling like an outsider with my own friends and my own mother and sister? not so great. wanting to fall asleep on the bus ride home and for the rest of the day? not so great. feeling awful the day after? not so great. knowing that i have a bunch of homework to do today? not so great. knowing that i will probably get my period while we are away on vacation to a beach? not so great. becca? not so great. not knowing what to say to becca if she finally gets the gets the gut to ask me in person why i hate her? not so great. feeling sick right now? not so great. having to pack? not so great. my life right now? wonderful.

i cried when i watched glee today. cried.

i need to express this feeling of dislike that was just brought about from this message on facebook:

Rebecca Sieracki November 19 at 6:01pm

hey umm ive been kind of getting the feeling like your mad at me or something.. are you?

you don't know how upset that makes me. first of all i'm not mad at Becca, i just don't like her. she annoys me soooooo much unfortunately. i can't change how i feel about people well maybe i can but right now that is how i feel about her. i hate eating lunch with her so much. and then she goes and sends me this message on facebook? coward! why can't she just say it to my face? and really going and sending messages asking if someone is mad at them - elementary school much? i am pretty sure i'm not going to respond. first of all because i don't feel like making up an answer and second of all if she really wants to know she can ask me in person. she frustrates me.

i should be at my twin's concert right now but i'm not because my sister is sick. i'm stuck at home. but at least i was able to get some writing done. :/

wooo! celebrate!

today i reached two milestones in my novel. i completed more than 60% and i'm now over 100 pages. so i went onto wordle, copy and pasted my novel and this is what i got. the bigger the word that means it shows up more. the size depends on the percentages of times it shows up and such. got it? it randomly gave me it to me in this font/size/color/shape and such. love it.

horoscopey?s

here is my horoscope thing for December/January according to the magazine Girl's Life.

Zen 2012: No more safe bets, C. The stars are pushing you to create a more outgoing you. Step outside your comfort one and be first in line to ask out the school stud or try out new activities

Superpower: Your thoughtfulness and sweet gestures melt the hardest of hearts

Kryptonite: Adopt the mantra forgive 'n' forget. People need second chances.

All Heart: First comes friends, then comes love. Make sure ya don't dash to fall head over heels for the first fella ya spot. Get to know him and take things to the like-ya-a-lot level toward the end of the year.

Fortune Cookie: After the holidays, you're strapped for cash. Look beyond the usual household chores for a quick way to fuel up your finances

Lucky Month: February

AHHH! That sounds so true. Especially the Zen and All Heart part. Seriously. I was thinking about having a goal of talking in every single class, like raising my hand and answering a question or something. Didn't happen today. New Year's Rev? And Sawyer liked my picture of my day 16 writing thing. Yay! XD

And to end this blog the Top 10 things for you to do in 2010 from GL:

1. Just. Move. On. Let last year's drama go. Grudges, hurt feelings, bitterness about an ex-they're all so 2009.

2. Organize your digital life. Zillions of old e-mails, photo files and dozens of docs...your computer is a hot mess! Clear it out and work faster.

3. Give more compliments. yeah, you love getting them. But watching others' facing light up will make you feel amazing.

4. Eat less junk. You'll feel better-and look better, too.

5. Talk a little less. Listen a little more. And know that giving great advice is just as therapeutic as receiving it.

6. Banish the word "bored." The world is full of fun ways to spend your free time. Find a few, and you'll never have nothing to do!

7. Save your spare change. Toss it in a jar. Then donate your stash to your fave charity when the jar fills up.

8. Get the best grades you've ever gotten. Ever, ever, ever.

9. Choose happy.

10. Finally do that thing. You know the one. Cut your hair short, talk to the cutie down the street, join a band. Whatever it is, just do it already!

so tomorrow i don't have school. today was fine. the one period that sort of stands out in my mind english. for several reasons. first cause Sawyer sat behind Vicky, next to me, diagonal from Katelyn, in front of Casey, diagonal from Devin. got the picture? probably not but it wasn't his usual seat. i think it was because he wanted to sit next to Vicky so he could work with her which he did. it was fine. i got to talk to him more which was a bit awkward but that is expected because duhhh i'm a social failure and such. but i'm trying to be nonchalant -vocab word!- about everything. but i need something to think and worry about because if not then what else am i suppose to think about? i haven't been stressing over horse shows lately and the next one isn't until December anyways but that one will be stressful because i need to get a certain place or higher to qualify for the next round. but i'm sort of whatever about that too.

Abby just scared me. she says via AIM "molly, i need to tell you something" and i freeze. like freeze and stare at the screen waiting for her to say something. i was excited and nervous, she could of said something life changing there. well i guess telling me not to stick my ipod headphones up my nose could be life changing.

anyways i really don't have anything to write about. i should be writing my novel now. but i'll do that when i get back from babysitting. glee's on tomorrow. what else? oh Katelyn is horrible. in english she was like "i hate you" in a sort of joking fashion then went on to say "you hate me" and just negative stuff like that and it is has been happening a lot more than it should and one of these days i'm going to snap. and in lunch Becca is annoying so so so annoying. whenever i look at her she goes "what?" then starts laughing. or if i'm not looking at her "what are you looking at? you are like staring at nothing?" and she laughs at the most non funny things and is so annoying. it's like just shut up! anyways i really should be writing about more and letting loose all my inner feelings but i have to go babysit.

today is one of those days that make me happy.

i just got back from seeing a play. it made me happy. it was one of those plays where everything worked out and made you happy. i love corny/clique/typical stuff like that. Hannah Montana movie? ummm I enjoyed it.

anyways it was very good and now i'm in a good mood so i decided i needed to write a blog. of course i should be studying for the vocab quiz or spanish quiz that i have tomorrow since i couldn't at the play because our spanish teacher was sitting right behind us.

and guess who i saw in the play? Abbyyy. i love Abby so much. like i know that even when i have all the worries about how i messed up and what is she thinking and how i just blah or said the wrong thing or messed up once again, i know she will be there. people say that if a friendship ends it never really was a friendship to begin with. yes - i saw that as someone's status on facebook but i do think it is sort of true because you do have to account for the fact that people change. Abby and mine friendship hasn't ended yet and i really don't see it ending because of the fact that a) we aren't in each other faces every second, even when i complain about how i never see her or do anything b) we understand each other. like to a sort of strange way. i think at least. when she write blogs or talks to me on AIM i can pretty much hear her saying it to me. i don't know if it goes the same way for her too. and if it doesn't then i will feel pretty stupid writing all of this but whatever. c) we're twins and vampires. duhhh.

so intermission i saw sawyer. oh my goodness. i said his name. how long has it been? i don't know because i don't keep track. sort of because i think i missed my chance. my chance was in the form of the first month or two of school. if you noticed during that play the God ended up with the first girl who talked to him. but hey i am who i am and well i'm not one to go out of my way to make friends unless it is sink or swim. in only one case it was sink or swim and that was when i became friends with Stephanie and maybe Abby too but that was seventh grade and all i knew was that i wanted to be friends with her and i thought i blew it. crap. i just sort of gave myself a slap in the face. i thought i had blew my chance to be Abby's friend and i didn't. i am thinking right now that i blew my chances with Sawyer. ha. what comes end in this equation. the "you didn't" part. but i'm not going to worry about it. i have enough to worry about. i think everything will be okay no matter what happens because i know that i will have Abby there. that is one person i can count on for anything. and if i blow it with her then i don't think there is any hope for me but i don't think it will get to that point.

stop being a negative nelly molly. k? k. well not really k. but whatever. i am so tired right now. who knows maybe this play was the turn around for me in my social ways. especially since today Katelyn almost drove me insane. "you never do anything for me. you don't care about anything, at least nothing relating to me." seriously, i don't appreciate you saying those things to me Katelyn.

whoops. i was slipping into negative territory there. i need to stay positive which is extremely hard. tomorrow is Maeve's birthday. tomorrow she has a friend sleeping over who invited herself over. tomorrow is friday. i can make it through tomorrow. tomorrow i don't have lunch with abby. tomorrow is going to be rough and hard but i can do it. i can make it through.

hi Abby.