i feel like exploding. or imploding. or just plain crying. why you may ask? the most obvious reason would be because i was going to try to instruct Maeve on how to draw the word thing that we did in health and she got all frustrated and pissy which affect my mood and made me them same way. then she was like JUST DO IT. I'M READY. and i wouldn't do it, i just drew the word on the paper. THANKS FOR GIVING IT AWAY. then i gave told her that she was the one who got upset first and her mood affects everyone else.

of course i'm sure that this whole week has an affect on it too. i am tired. it is 8:30. i should study for health. i'm not going to ask anyone to help study with me now cause i would most likely just be frustrated. i know myself like that. well sort of. this whole week has put my off. i need my schedule to be the same. i need constants in my life. this week has been all over the place. the boy at school. career stuff. the stupid history skit. staying up till midnight one night. 10:30 the next. yeah. i'm just about dead. i'm going to bed after i write this.

but i need to finish my journal. and i will fail this health quiz if i don't do some studying. but i need sleep. i need to cry.

isn't it weird that when you want to cry you can't. when you don't want to cry you want to badly. does that make sense? like right now i'm in the middle of the kitchen and everyone would hear me cry and i don't want that. yet i feel like crying. but i bet you by the time i get up into the shower i won't feel like crying even though that is the time that i can. fun.

i'm going to quote something i said to Abby earlier today online:

remember 7th grade. 6th period. health....i remember one day we were towards the back of the room in the right near the windows. i wanted to be your friend badly. i didn't have any friends since i didn't have any classes with my friends from elementary school. you must have asked me what i was reading and what it was about. i told you. you said something about how you liked fantasy better cause i had a more realistic fiction book. i thought i had just ruined our friendship right there...now look at us.

and her response:

lol wow, that is crazy i thought the same thing!

now i feel much more relaxed. i'm not going to cry. but when i start to think about the health quiz and the journal waiting to be done it come back. the pain in my cheekbones and jaw from me holding back the tears. i'm not telling myself to do that, it just is.

procrastination is no fun. at all.

neither is this.