hi. so my life has been kind of fun lately.

so my sisters and i had entered into a 30 second video contest through a radio station we listen to. and we won! woo! sure there was only one other entry, but we won. so we got two tickets to the iTV Fest, a limo there, and our video showed at the award's gala.

okay so that didn't really happen. we got two tickets but Maeve or Maura couldn't come with me because they had to be over 18. so i went with Emma, which was just as well. and the limo was actually a town car, not an actual limo. and they didn't show our video at the award's gala. it's okay though, Emma and I enjoyed ourselves and it just got me thinking about what we could do with film, you know? it was pretty cool.

but this Babson Equestrian Team is in full swing. i was there last monday, friday, saturday, sunday, and i'll be there tomorrow and tuesday. woot woot. and out of all those days i rode twice. but even though it's a lot of work i'm excited. like it's actually starting to come together. so we will see how it works.

what else? oh right i'm supposed to video chat with Taylor on Tuesday so i can talk about my business. and i'm nervous. i talked to my professor about it, which was nervous enough, but if he said it was a bad idea there was a pretty high chance that i was going to do it anyways. plus i knew he would just tell me to go for it. (which he did and he seemed to like it) but if Taylor doesn't like it then basically there goes the whole idea because i'm pretty much relying on him. if he doesn't do it then i don't have that kind of connection to any other musician really to get them on board without much proof. if i have Taylor then i will be able to show his situations and stuff to other people. ahh. i really want it to work out. i am sure Taylor will be nice but being nice is different from actually doing it and such. and then i have to get a website. i better get cracking on that too. ahh, should i figure out what i'm going to say to Taylor or just wing it?! i don't knowwww. omg. and do i go to the library to talk to him or stay in my room?! i don't know. hyperventilating and it's in two days. i'm going to be a mess. and it's not until 9:30pm so it's going to be like a whole day of waiting.

and it's 9 now and i'm exhausted. i'm going to be falling asleep while talking to Taylor Mathews. what is my life coming to.

umm i feel like i don't really have anything else to say. and i feel like i should go do something productive. i just remembered homework that i have to do but now i'm too tired to do anything. i'll do it tomorrow after the barn. and i'm going to run tomorrow. even though i'm already so freaking sore from my riding lessons.

i think i'll plan out what i'm going to say to Taylor a bit and then think about video ideas. sounds like a grand idea. i think i need two laptops for this.

hi. so i'm sick. just a cold but it sucks. so i'm in my room doing nothing. i tried to hang out with friends but that failed. so i had microwaveable mac and cheese and granola bars. and now i'm hungry and tired and i feel lonely. but i'm watching a king the kid livestream. but i should just sleep and be a lame-o while the rest of babson is out partying. but instead i'm being a lame-o and watching three attractive men on the livestream.

gosh i wish i could friend with them. oh i am actually really really tired. i don't think i can watch these three attractive men anymore.

being sick isn't fun. and college sometimes sucks. this is when i need more friends so when my friends are busy or don't want to hang i have other friends who will keep me company while i'm sick.

whatever. okay. i am not making sense. it's 10pm and i need sleep so badly.

okay so strange coincident. a while ago i found out about this band called lady danville on facebook and they were really small. but i liked them and their songs. and one song they had on facebook but not on itunes, spoons, was my favorite. so i told them that and they literally emailed it to me. which was awesome. but anyways then they weren't a band anymore.

fast forward a few years to now. and i am listening to this app called songza and this song comes on by hunter hunted and i like it so i look up hunter hunted and it's two of the guys who were in lady danville. like what are the odds. but no wonder i liked their song.

random. but now i am hungry and sitting in my dorm room but i have no one to go and eat with so i don't know what i'm going to do. i could just go and drive and get some food. but it's not fun by myself. and i don't have anyone to go with. life man.

i just watched the x factor and like it made me remember how there are so many amazing people out there that I haven't met. or that I have met but I haven't realized how amazing they are. like how many people at babson would I just love if I got to know them. and how depressing is it that I won't get to know most of them. like i'm not very charismatic, i'm not good at talking to people and making friends. I have a personality that not everyone likes or gets along with. which is fine. but I think there are some people out there who would like me and I don't want to miss out on them. I guess I just have to trust that everyone is put into my life for a reason and they come at the right time so I just have to go along with it and see who comes.

in other words i'm working on that business. like right now it's just a bunch of words on paper and I've told like 5 people. but I am planning on talking to my FME professor from last year. and I have to find someone to help me develop the website. but i'm doing something.

now I am going to sleep. i'm tired. not sure if watching that was the best idea but I didn't want to go to sleep early because I would feel bad because my roommate is still up late doing homework and I already finished all of mine. I just have easier classes this semester, next semester is going to be hell.

oh and in other news I just found out that Abby defriended me from facebook. so any doubt I had or idea that maybe I should reach out to her and that maybe she wants to still be friends, is gone. and Josh is always on facebook chat nowadays when he never used to be. I hope he is like talking to a girl or something. which also puts a twange in my heart since I don't have anyone even interested. like I have a few friends who are guys but it would never work with them. blah whatever, I need to focus on school and on this potential business as well.

okay sleep.

okay so i really haven't posted here in a long time. i have like a half an hour before class so i am going to start explaining stuff. a lot has happened. let me see the last point you were caught up to.

okay so we went to NYC and as soon as we got there AJR was already on. Adam saw us and smiled. but then they got kicked off of stage before they could sing their last song. so we were upset and we felt bad for them. and as they were passing by we said hi, because we were up front. but then my mom texted us and said that AJR was leaving so we went back to say hi to them, they were waiting for us. and they were really nice but it was kind of awkward because they are awkward and we are awkward so that was fun. but i really did like seeing them. we are still just fans to them, but hopefully we will see them more and be able to hang out with them eventually. then we saw the rest of the show up on the balcony which was fine since we had already watched it the other night.

then after the show we went outside and we were just sort of waiting, not really sure for what. i was tired and in a bad mood. but i'm glad we stayed because then King the Kid did an acoustic show on top of their van. and it was so good and i love them. and then we were able to talk to them each individually. and aww i love them so much. they are great musicians. like Jose is perfect and may be my favorite now. but Ricky is still up there, he forgot to give me a drum stick, and he felt bad because he promised so he went to get one but everything was packed and he couldn't reach it so he took my address and said he would mail me one. we will see if i actually get that. if i do, i'll probably be a Ricky Ficarelli fan for the rest of my life. but i love them and miss them and i wish i was more than a fan to them, but they don't know me. they know me less than AJR does. but KTK guys, they are perfect.

okay so the next day was Sunday and we got tickets to go see Cinderella. Cinderella was great, it was cute and they had amazing dresses. but then after the show, Maeve went down to the bathroom, and we were waiting and Mommy got a text from Julie saying to call her - and you already know how i hate those texts so much. they are terrifying. the worse thing in the world. so we were waiting there while my mom went outside to call Julie. and i'm thinking the worse. and the worse was true. when Maeve came up from the bathroom she didn't see Maura and I so she saw my mom first, so she came back to us and said she saw Mommy crying. and my heart just sunk. seeing your mom on the phone crying is not what you want to see. so we were talking through NYC without talking, my mom hadn't told us what happened yet. then she pulled us aside and was crying and told us grampa died. and we just all start crying right there in NYC and people are just walking by but we don't care and no one cares about us. so then we manage to stop crying enough to walk back to the hotel. we were going to go out to dinner but instead we just drive home. and we are just all messes. and it is so awful. i don't cry again until i get into my bed that night where i just break down crying.

my family doesn't need this. we are already going through a divorce. my gramma just passed away a few months ago. and now my grampa. and my mom has it the worse. she has to deal with work where she works with her soon to be ex-husband, she has to deal with him and the pain she must feel having to deal with that, then her dad dies. she is the strongest woman i know.

but then monday was maura's birthday which wasn't that great. my mom was over at my grampa's house taking care of things all day. so maeve and maura went out and bought frosting and maura made brownies. and then we watched the Princess Diaries all day. so it wasn't the best birthday.

and then this was the last week before i went to college but i spent it going to the wake and funeral. which i was glad to see my family, we were able to spend time with Sean who is so awesome. and see our other cousins, who i also love. but it is in just such horrible conditions. we were back in that funeral home way too soon. but that whole week my mom was over at grampa's house cleaning it out so i barely even saw her. it just went by so quickly and with a lot of tears. we didn't cry at the wake but the funeral was horrible, especially seeing my mom so upset. and then having to deal with the whole issue of my dad being there but not really being part of the family so we had to worry about that. and blahhhhh. i hated it. none of my friends even know my grampa passed away because i didn't tell them.

um what else. i have ten minutes before i have to leave for class. then i packed up everything and came here to babson. i was going to drive my car but it broke down the day before. so i drove up with my mom which was fine because i was able to spend the two hours with her instead of in a car by myself. and she started crying when she dropped me off. and i miss them and feel like i should be home because it is still hard for my sisters to deal with the divorcing parents and i feel like i should be there for them. but instead i'm here. and i feel bad because i love it here while they are home hating high school.

but babson is great. it's different this year because you see a bunch of people you know and everyone is like "Hi! How are you?! How was your summer!?" and there are some people who i saw all the time who i haven't even seen yet. but i am still friends with all my friends, i just don't live with the same ones. now I'm in WGB which is amazing because i just hang out and talk to people all the time. Yesterday, Amelie, Sarah (who i just met) and I just hung out and talked and went around to see everyone's dorm rooms. and it just such a good environment there. and i'm just get used to Babson and getting more comfortable. it sort of sucks that my dorm is so far away, but instead i spend a lot of time in the library in between classes and such. which is where i am now. then after this class I'm working out with Amelie and Michelle (another new friend!) and then i'm going out i believe because they all want me to come and i'll see how it is. still not drinking but i'll try to have fun and make friends and all.

and that's the general stuff. there is a lot more, like how i'm going to be an FME mentor and all my classes and such. but that's the basic stuff i guess. i'm forgetting a  lot i'm sure. but i guess i'll get ready for class now. i'm sure i'll have time to write more eventually.