you guys i gave a guy my number a two days ago. i know, look at me go. and you know what i'm most worried about though? that by mistake i gave him the wrong number. he hasn't texted me yet. ):

but i am not going to stress or worry about it (or try not to) because really i think we will just be good friends once we get there. he has already suggested that we hang out with other girls. although i swear he has been awkward around me the past two days. i could be making stuff up though or maybe he is awkward but not for the reasons that i think.

i don't know. but he did ask for my number. and added me on facebook. so two points for molly. we will wait and see what happens. this weekend is a double concert weekend! T-swift tomorrow and AJR Brothers and R5 on Sunday! then back to camp for 8 on Monday! what what yeah yeah.

i feel like i should be doing something productive right now or something business related or something. like working towards something. but i don't know what. i just want something simple. i think i am going to teach myself how to make the friendship bracelets like maeve knows how to make. i don't know why. just cause. maybe i could sell them eventually. or just teach my campers how to make them.

completely unrelated to today and what i'm feeling and everything but:

last week during camp one of the girls, Emma, from the other group came up and gave me a hug before going back to her group. one of my campers, Reesa, saw this so she asked me "Why does she like you?" and I asked Reesa "Why do YOU like me?" and Reesa responded with "Because you're cute"

which just made my life.

hi so i'm not sure how to get into this but here we go. i went out to target with my sisters and my dad. and i saw my dad putting girl's long hair shampoo into his cart, the kind that i use, and i called him out on it and he says how he has to be a good host and how all he has is his dandruff stuff. so basically that means he has been having women over. i just sort of pushed it out of my head but then when maeve and maura were at the barn and i was at the lakehouse with my dad he decides to ask me what i think maeve and maura would think if there was another woman. so i was like, i don't think they would like it but they would understand. and then later when i was leaving my dad followed me out and was like the reason why i brought it up is because there is someone i would like to you to meet and i just didn't know what to say it was so awkward and it gave me those yucky knots in my stomach. he was thinking about having me meet her while my sisters and mom were at the dude ranch. yeah but i think we decided that it would be better to wait for the divorce to be final.

so then i got in the car and started balling as i was driving away to the barn. and i was crying because of that whole situation and i was also crying because i had no one to tell. i can't tell my sisters because they are aren't for that. i wasn't even ready judging by my tears. and i have no friends. well none close enough to talk about this stuff. so i was crying because my dad is already with another woman and that i have no one to talk to about it.

this is where it would come in handy to have a friend i can just call up and vent to and just talk to. anyone to talk to. that's all i want.

so to combat this problem i texted three of my babson friends that i haven't talked to in a while. two already texted me back and are talking to me now. and then i am going to contact my old high school friends, probably Mollie and Sarah even though i haven't talk to them in FOREVER. and i am debating reaching out to Abby but i don't know if i'm ready for that. and i don't know if i should talk to Josh or what. yuckkkk. and i'm still trying to get the whole camp friends thing but that's hard because i'm working and with the kids and i don't have time to talk to the other counselors. and even i do it's hard to jump from talking at work to hanging out outside of work. i'll try though because honestly after camp i never see them until next year if i decide to work there again and i may not. so tomorrow hopefully i'll have some more chances.

but for today tomorrow and wednesday i'm all alone! wooo! i'm planning on going over to the barn. because Dolly is my best friend right now. yesterday after i rode her i left the barn about ten times better than i went over there. it's just so hot out that i'm trying to wait for it to cool down a bit before i'm over there. i'll probably leave soon though.

okay i just thought it would tell you what is up in molly world. that's basically all. still friendless. and lonely. but trying.

i just want some friends.

is that too much to ask for?

seriously though yo.

but today was a rough day at camp but i'm still enjoying it. like the girls are great and it really isn't that bad at all. i love it.

and i get to talk to peeps sometimes. not all the time. but i am trying to strike up a friendship with Adam. haha that's an awkward phrase "strike up a friendship" but basically i try to talk to adam whenever i can. it gives me something to do and think about. i hope he enjoy talking to me too. because talking leads to hanging out outside of camp. hanging out leads to kissing. kissing leads to making out. making out leads to an enjoyable summer. WAIT WHAT MOLLY. haha jk, but not really. i have thought about this, it gives me something to keep me going. it's fun though to say "hi, adam" everyday. i'm just trying not to sweat it too much and worry about what i say. which is easy because i'm in summer mode and whatever yeahhh? plus there is really nothing on the stake here, i mess up or don't talk to him and i'm where i am now. i talk to him and we hit it off then i have a friend. if we really hit it off then i have some fun this summer and that's it.

seriously though some friends to hang out with and grab some dinner with would be nice please.

[ican'tleavethetitleblankanymore]

i love the AJR brothers. i'm so excited to see them at BallonFest, probably more excited to see them than R5 or Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran the day before. they are my favs. ahh they are lovely. okay i just wanted to let you know that.

a

i wish i had friends. like a group of people i could just call up at 9pm and say "ice cream, let's go" and we would all go out and get ice cream at 9 at night. or really just any friends that live here. i have babson friends but the closest one of those is 3 hours away. i don't know. just friends would be nice so i don't have to come home every day after camp or stay with my family every weekend. if only i could be friends with my fellow counselors. i should work on that. i am really not that good at making friends.

but i do like camp. it is exhausting but i have my campers and it's good. i like it. i'm doing some...

i wrote that yesterday, monday, now it's tuesday. and i just found out McKinley Kitts has a girlfriend who is gorgeous but it just kind of bums me out. like i don't know. it's not like i need a boyfriend. but it would be nice to have someone interested who i can flirt with and have those feelings with. and i don't know. it's boring when i don't have any friends or cute guys. blahh. like i have been sitting in this house by myself for the last two hours just on my laptop because i have nothing else to do. i literally have no friends right now i can call up to hang out without it being extremely awkward because i haven't talked to them in forever.

like really molly, what is your life? you are 19 years old. you are supposed to be living it up, going out with friends, staying out like, just being awesome.

now i am about to cry. it just really hit me right now that i'm 19 and this is my life. when i was younger i probably thought i would be having a grand old time with my friends being a cool teenager. instead i'm sitting at home with my sweatpants. i guess at least i have a job. and my kids think i'm cool.  and i have them. but seriously. this really sucks. i just want to some friends but i pushed them all away didn't i? fuck me.

but taylor mathews called me on my birthday. i don't even care that my mom asked him to or whatever. he cared enough to call me. the only one. okay, auntie julie did but that doesn't really count. seriously though. fuck. what am i doing this weekend? out partying with friends? nope. sitting at home most likely. gahh. i just want to go out with friends and have fun and whatever.

whatever dude. i'll be partying it up when i'm a successful multi-million dollar businesswoman. HAHAH jk, i'll be working and running that multi-million dollar business. like i say how i will be successful and "famous" so i will be able to meet all these awesome people, but by the time i can do that i'll probably be old and not even care about R5 or Taylor Mathews or any of those bands i'm going to see.

i'm literally crying right now. like i know i shouldn't be complaining. i have an amazing life. i have a job i love. i have two awesome younger sisters. i have two parents who love me, even if they aren't together anymore. i am healthy. i have a roof over my head. i have clothes. i have all of these electronics. i'm safe.

i realize that. and i know i should shut up. but it's just hard sometimes when this is your reality. i should do something productive. like start a business that changes the world. i'll start on that right now.