it's valentine's day and i don't feel like i have a valentine. oh, i have a boyfriend? oh those words on a screen are from someone who says he loves me? right. forgot.

i'm trying not to cry right now because i think he is going to call me. well he said he was planning on it. maybe he is waiting for me to text him first. just fucking call me.

off the hook with that one. i have horrible service so he couldn't hear anything i said. and i'm not skyping. so there goes that. now i can complain and cry in peace.

josh and i aren't going to last. it's not going to work. i know. i'm expecting too much out of him which he isn't giving me and i'm not giving anything in return. so this fucking sucks. my relationship is falling apart. my gramma is dead. my parents split. i barely have any friends.

you know what the worst thing that has happened? when we were at the wake and my dad was talking to the people who worked there and introduced my mom as his wife and hearing my mother mutter under her breath "not any more" or something equally as horrifying as that. in case you forgot, your dad cheated on your mom so now they aren't living together and pretty much hate each other and are going to get a divorce, and that dead body over there is your gramma.

why do i do this to myself? i'm sobbing. breaking down.

i just watched R5 perform Loud acoustically to calm myself down. i never really understand when people said that bands saved them. now i get it. Taylor Mathews and R5 are literally saving my sisters, my mom, and I. they are like the shining lights in our life right now.

i need to sleep and try not to cry anymore.