i can't do it. i can't update you about what i'm doing all the time. i can't send pointless texts. this isn't working. at all. why the fuck didn't you call me when i texted you saying my grandma died? don't wait for me to come running to you because if you haven't notice - i don't. i shut doors and build walls around me. you have to knock them down before they are too high to climb over. it might be too late now. don't let me walk away. don't let me push you away. fucking fight for me. because right now it just seems like you are complaining about how you have nothing to do and how you can't see me or talk to me. make more of a fucking effort then. instead of whining about it later, call me, skype me, surprise me. do something. because i can't deal with more conversations like the one we had today. there is a reason why i don't text you for three hours. try to figure it out or we are done.

i know this is mainly my fault, everything is really. i'm the one pushing away and hiding in my little shell. i'm the one expecting more without saying that. i'm the one not communicating.

i'm sorry. i suck. i just wish you could help me. i'm drowning. the pressure. the expectations. my world is falling apart. but it really is though. please be there for me. even though i've been a bitch and haven't been there for you.