today was an obsessed with R5 day. seriously, all i've done today is watch R5 videos, eat, ride, film a video, and look up stuff about R5. #obsessed

ew, i just used a hashtag. i was going to just post that but now i have stuff to talk about. my sisters and mom are going shopping and i want to go with them but i told josh i was going to go over his house. so i didn't go with my sisters. and now i am sitting at home crying because i'm so confused. i'm so confused with all my emotions, i don't know what i think, i don't know what i want to do. well i know what i want to go, go shopping with my sisters. but i'm not. this isn't how it is supposed to work. i'm not supposed to not want to go to my boyfriends house.

my mom asked me are you sure and i said yeah but now i wish i had just jumped in the car and went and worried about josh later or not worried about him at all. fuck my life.

vinita just updated her profile saying that she is single now. her boyfriend just flew up to visit her two weekends ago. i guess that didn't go the greatest. i liked her boyfriend though.

i don't know what to do. josh isn't even first on my list of concerns right now. yesterday we had a family meeting that i just cried though and all i was thinking about was how i wanted to go home, even though i was right there at home, it just didn't feel like home and i wanted to escape. everything is just so yucky i hate it.

i'm excited to go back to babson, but at the same time i want to stay home. at babson everyone will ask me how my break was and what am i supposed to say? great except for the fact that i found out my dad has been cheating and so now he isn't living at home anymore. i'll probably just end up saying good like everyone else. or i'll say, i'm glad to be back at babson. i'm hoping that while i'm at babson i'll just be able to forget about everything at home because i can't just start crying randomly. i'll be there for three weeks until i get to come home. those three weeks will be crazy but i'll just do my school work because i haven't done any over break even though i should have been. whatever. i'll do it there.

i'm just going to look forward to the Taylor Mathews / R5 concert because i don't know what else to look forward to. school is full of work and finals and stress. coming back home could be a war zone. i have no idea how christmas is going to go. next on the list is that concert. hopefully it is good. and hopefully i can talk to Taylor and any of the members of R5 and that we have a good conversation or whatever.

ah, i'm feeling a bit better now. not really. i'll just go eat food now and maybe watch some more R5 videos and wish that i could hang out with them everyday.