i'm not a regular teenager.

i didn't want to go driving. my mom and dad pretty much had to force me to go out. it was fine. everything went well. but i was scared. my legs are sore because they were so tense. i hope that as i do it more everything will work out. i'm sure it will but i just have to drive more. ahh. i can't go to sleep now. so i'm watching a show on hulu. yay. camp tomorrow then bowling! bowling got switched from thursday to wednesday and now i'm going to the beach on thursday instead. yippeee!

two posts in one day? whatt?

this one is about songs because you know that show Pretty Little Liars. it's pretty awesome. really awesome. and they have awesome music. so the lyrics to three of them. these three are kind of my favorites but i listen to all of them all the time. i bought them what one day ago? two? and i've already listened to all of them three to five times. it's pretty awesome.

also i don't think i have ever mentioned the book Shiver and it's sequel Linger. AMAZING. i love these books. the new Twilight except they don't have a million people reading/talking/dissing them. so read them. so good. so so so good. i bought Linger the day it came out. a bit of a coincident there but i still did. anyways the song lyrics. listen to them too.

Suggestions by Orelia Has Orchestra

It just takes a second for my world to come crumbling down
Oh i'm sure in the distance you can hear that awful sound
Oh i plead for an answer, plead for an answer from you
But if you give me an answer, that just makes no sense then whats the use
And just like that my life is broken
I can barely breathe
and now i'm opened for suggestions
At the end of the day lifes a lesson


So why cant he see it form my point of view
And how many seconds in the houurs of a day did we lose
Was it me or his feelings, me or his feelings that day
Cause i just stood there in silence watched while my world blew away
And just like that my life is broken
I can barely breathe
and now i'm opened for suggestions
At the end of the day lifes a lesson
My lifes a lesson

Hollow, Hollow
Feelings in the air that i breathe that come over me
Now i'm open
Oh yes i'm open
For suggestions
Lifes a lesson
Now i'm free cause lifes a lesson

Oh why cant i see it from his point of view
And how many seconds in the hours will i make him lose
Oh he said it was him or the answer,it was him or the answer that day
Well i cant keep shouting answer, so what was the use anyway.


What You Wanted Me To Do - S.O.Stereo


I got enough bad habits, enough loose strings
Now my hands are tied amongst a number of things
And you, then there's you

And I don't have to look for trouble when it's following me
Despite my vision only you I see
It's you, yeah there was always you.

So don't say it's over 'till it's over
A love song and nothing else to show for
Blaming me the weight that's on your shoulder love,

So whatcha waiting for you wanted me to do
I wrote a love song, a love song for you
Cause you don't have it right

And she said love don't shine and doubt you've chosen mine
And if it wasn't your fault it surely wasn't mine
I said all the right things at all the wrong times
And if you want to keep your heart
Then give me mine

I got enough old bones, enough of these tones
And if it's all the same to you I won't be moving alone
It's you, oh you

And as the bullet left the gun you were falling asleep
You were telling every woman they don't know what it means
To you, I miss the wonder truth

So don't say it's over 'till it's over
A love song and nothing else to show for
Blaming me the weight that's on your shoulder love,

So whatcha waiting for you wanted me to do
I wrote a love song, a love song for you
Cause you don't have it right

And she said love don't shine and doubt you've chosen mine
And if it wasn't your fault it surely wasn't mine
I said all the right things at all the wrong times
And if you want to keep your heart
Then give me mine
Give me mine

So whatcha waiting for you wanted me to do
I wrote a love song, a love song for you
Cause you don't have it right

So whatcha waiting for you wanted me to do
I wrote a love song, a love song for you
Cause you don't have it right

And she said love don't shine and doubt you've chosen mine
And if it wasn't your fault it surely wasn't mine
I said all the right things at all the wrong times
And if you want to keep your heart
Then give me mine

Thieves and Their Hands - Rachael Cantu

Uh-oh, uh-oh
Here comes tomorrow
Uh-oh, uh-oh
What will we borrow now?
I'll pay you back somehow
Ooh-oh ooh-oh oh oh

'Cause this is the pilgrim's progress
And there ain't no time to rest
So get up out of your bed
Ooh-oh ooh-oh oh oh

Shake off all in your head
Shake off all in your head
Whoa-oh-oh

'Cause we've got things that we've got to do
You've got people counting on you
Counting on you

Uh-oh, uh-oh
Here comes tomorrow
Uh-oh, uh-oh
Bury this sorrow down
And move on somehow
Ooh-oh ooh-oh oh oh

'Cause these are the bills that we're paying
Collect your dimes and keep saying
Whoa-oh-oh
Ooh-oh ooh-oh oh oh

They come from all over the land
Collecting the thieves and their hands
Whoa-oh-oh

'Cause we've got things that we've got to do
You've got people counting on you
Counting on you

In the middle of the night
You open up your eyes
'Cause you've things to do
So you ought to up and rise

In the middle of the night
You open up your eyes
'Cause you've things to do
So you ought to up and rise

Yeah, you ought to up and rise

'Cause we've got things that we've got to do
You've got people counting on you
Counting on you

'Cause we've got things that we've got to do
You've got people counting on you
Counting on you


And "she wore that dress like it was a Saturday, pretty as a summer rose" (<3<3<3<3 that song. let me include these lyrics too) and "don't go thinking you're cool"

Jack and Jill - Katie Herzig

She wore that dress like it was a Saturday
Pretty as a summer rose picked in the morning
And he held her hand like it was a mystery
One he couldn�t quite believe
Just walking with him
They were high up on a hill
Something to say, and daylight to kill
Time slipped away, the way that it will

Around and around
Dancing �round the question
Flip a coin and watch it go down
Into the wishing will
Two steps unset there goes another day,
Another chance to give away the secrets
To keep to themselves.

They were high up on a hill
Something to say, daylight to kill.
Time slipped away, the way that it will.

Darkness falls without a sound
They come tumbling down,
Tumbling after, tumbling after

She wore that dress like it was a Saturday
Pretty as a summer rose picked in the morning
And he held her hand like it was a mystery
One he couldn�t quite believe
Just walking with him
They were high up on a hill
Something to say, and daylight to kill
Time ticked away, the way that it will

now it's time for bed. night.

i found the stupid show program! or my mom did. it was in the trailer. yep. anyways here you go.

Entry # Name Horse County Division DOB (that means Date of Birth)
143. Amber Edmonds. What a Dream Ace. Middlesex. Western Jr. 7/25/98.
144. Brian Edmonds. What A Foxy Blonde. Middlesex. Western Sr. 3/27/94.
145. Kyle Edmonds. Doca Dolly Dude. Middlesex. Western Jr 2/25/96
236. Cody Randall. Zippos Vista Doll. Franklin. Western Sr. 1/26/95
237. Michaela Randall. Golden Opposition. Franklin. Western Sr. 1/26/95

i could have sworn Kyle and Amber were twins. apparently not. unless it was a typo. but i included Cody's sister because apparently he has a twin i didn't know about. i don't even know what she looks like. anyways there is proof and the correct spelling of Edmonds. and yep Brian's birthday is a good one. i'm still hoping the Edmonds move to hampshire county so they go to HRHS for school. you bet the first day of school i will be looking for him.

i don't have much else to report on. my summer is being tainted by the stupid AP work. but this week should be a good one. i am a counselor for the little kids horse camp. that within itself is okay. it would be better if Dana was the counselor instead of Erin but Dana will be there working almost everyday. and hopefully Adam Munska will be working there almost everyday. i will be there for almost the entire day so there is no way he can come and not see me. and then Wednesday after all the barn stuff i am hopefully going to Leeds Beach with Dana. we can just lay out in the sun and talk and scope out boys. sounds good. and then Thursday i believe i may be going bowling with some people. i just really hope Abby comes or else it will be sort of awkward. and maybe i will do something else with Abby this week. this week holds promise.

i'm writing another novel. yeah i'm weird like that. but i like this novel. i am going to go write some more of it and maybe watch Karate Kid 3. yep, there is a third. why wouldn't there be? everyone loves Danielson and Mr. Miygai. and i would just like to let you know that on IMDB the 1984 Karate Kid is rated higher than the 2010 version. yeahhhhhh.

summer is equal to...

staring at a computer screen
listening to my parents argue
listening to music
pretending that i have a life
procrastinating on summer work
writing a novel that probably is a waste of my time
wishing for a better summer every 11:11
staring at the stack of books i would be reading if i didn't have to read a stupid book for AP history
ignoring the tension in the house
letting my mood be controlled by everyone else's moods
nothing
feeling like i should do something else
wishing i had someone i could just call up and go over their house right now without a problem and feel at home in their house with no awkwardness
wishing i had a guy to fall in love with and for him to fall in love with me
bored
not leaving the house all day
buying seventeen songs on itunes and listening to them nonstop
catching up on tv shows
feeling sorry for myself
telling myself to cut it out because i am extremely extremely extremely lucky
wishing
hoping
thinking
wondering
sighing
yawning
wondering what else she could be doing with her time
stupid blog posts

ahhah.ah.ahhahh.

I just drove the car home. It was pretty darn scary. I drove around in the school parking lot for a while and a car came past me, some yahoo speeding along but luckily I was on the right side of the road. Then we started going home and once we were up the big deal my dad pulled over and had me drive the rest of the ride home. I survived. We only passed a car once and I didn't run into it. And no cars came up behind me and we survived. Goodness.

My dad wants me to get my own car so when I crash I won't crash his car. Plus it is hard to see the whole road in his car. I was going to get a wonderful yellow 2008 hyundai accent but it is a stick shift so yeah no. it's hard enough to drive an automatic car. but i really liked that car. now i really want a yellow car. why doesn't anyone have a yellow car?

my right arm hurts from all this driving. i need to watch some tv and relax. i'm so tired.

five guys.

i can't remember what i talked about in my last blog post. it's summer you know? but this blog post i'll talk about at least five different guys.

what do these five guys have in common? well i was somewhat attracted to them in some way. most likely by their looks and what i have seen/inferred about their personality. so now i shall go through each of them.

the first one i saw was on Wednesday night. we were checking out at Walmart and there was a mother and his son checking out behind us. this guy was wearing what looked like a basketball shirt but I guess it could have been another sport shirt but it looked like basketball. anyways it was for Hatfield. probably whatever the Hatfield public school is. he is number 24. i just thought he was cute. that's all with him.

the next i saw Thursday on our way to the show with the horse trailer in downtown northampton. he was riding his bike down the street and we passed by him with our big horse trailer. he was cute.

i think i need to take a break to define the word cute. it has recently come to my attention that guys/boys don't like the use of the word "cute" or they don't understand it. cute is a good thing. a very good thing. i don't use the word "hot" a lot because it sort of infers that all they have going for them is looks and they don't have good personalities. i like the cute boys a lot better. and it's not cute like little puppy and kitten cute. it's a much better cute. there you go. cute is a good thing.

back to the five guys. number three. when we first got to the show there was a guy unloading stuff from another trailer. i was eyeing him up. i'm not sure if he noticed or not but i didn't see him after that first day. or maybe i did but i just didn't realize it.

now i'm going to mention the last two together but i'll talk about one a lot more. they both showed this weekend on their horses. major props just for that. for some reason at this level it is mostly girls who ride. it's rare to find a guy who rides and sticks with it. most will quit. and to show? that's pretty amazing. really amazing. yeah. amazing.

i don't have a stupid program so i don't have their names in front of me. let me ask my mother if we happen to have one in the car. she said possibly. not enough of a positive reaction for me to get off of my seat on the couch and look in the car. i kind of really want that show program though. i might actually get up. yeah because now it's dinner so before dinner i'll go look in the car then i will continue afterwards.

i just looked through the car and had dinner. it wasn't in there. i'm mad. i want that program really badly. i'm frustrated now. very frustrated. because now i'll spell their names wrong and i can't remember one of their names. gah. i am thinking his name is Cody? but I can't remember last name. I can tell you his number is 236. if i had that program i could look it up. he is cute but he lost some of his appeal when he was off his horse and Taylor Cranston was saying how hot he is. the other guy though was not mentioned by Taylor, his name is Brian Edmond. god I don't know if that is how you spell his last name. his number is 144. number 144.

i knew his younger brother and sister already. they are twins, Kyle and Amber? (again if i had that stupid program i could check). wait. is it Kyle? i'm having doubts. i really really really really really wish i had that program. majorly. i wish i had paid more attention this morning and made sure one made it into the car because we could have easily left without one or one could be in the trailer. now this blog is turning into a hate fest on how i can't find the stupid program.

anyways i think Brian Edmond/Edmund/Edmand is cute. not the kind of guy i normally think is cute. he isn't stereotypically good looking. he is like a farm boy. he is big and strong. his barn was two down from mine but his trailer was parked on the other side of mine so i would often see him traveling back and forth but i would always be too or too early. i would see him but he wouldn't see me. every time i would leave the camper or barn i would look for him. i made sure i watched Western Senior A classes so i could see him ride.

he isn't the most amazing rider in the world but he is good. his horse had trouble with one of the leads though so he only placed once in three classes and then it was a low place. but that makes it sort of better because he isn't this downright amazing rider who wins everything. i don't like people who win everything (like Maeve and I guess sometimes me but you know) because ATTENTION THIS IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING DEEP AND IT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A LIFE LONG LESSON AND IT'S NOT ABOUT BOYS LIKE THE REST OF THIS POST IS! to really win a blue ribbon you have to know what it is like to lose. to come in dead last. to have your horse act up on you and not behave how you want. to have your whole day go wrong. and to have to deal with it. when you truly know what that feels like it and you can accept it then you can win a blue ribbon. then you will really truly value that blue ribbon. up until this weekend i didn't know the real meaning of a blue ribbon. i am glad i do now. not too many people in that 4H world really appreciate that first place or a champion.

anyways back to Brian. now this guy could easily be a completely jerk or stuckup or a little baby or someone i would hate hanging around with. i have absolutely no idea. he could also be completely sweet or down to earth or mature or someone i would love to hang around with. again i have absolutely no idea.

i only heard him actually talk once really. he was in the ring, at the beginning of his class, and i was watching in the bleachers. a couple of rows down were some people he knew because they started talking. he told one of them he was going to come over for coffee in the morning and apparently he hadn't gone that morning because it was too hot for hot coffee but the older ladies who he was talking to disagreed. they said it was never too hot for a hot coffee. but just the way he talked. he was confident and relaxed even though he was about to go into this class.

another time i saw him was went i was warming up in the warm up ring. this was the first time i had ridden Pride all weekend. the day before i didn't want to ride him at all because i was too nervous. so i was a bit you know. i had just finished in one direction and he was walking behind me. i walked towards where my mother was standing and i told her and she asked if she wanted to tell everyone to change directions and I said "would ya?" and she did. and we both changed directions. i don't know if he smiled or if he was annoyed. he left soon after without even warming up. maybe he knows his horse that well or it was just too soon before his class.

i passed by him a lot and such. i saw him talking to the judge later, i think they already knew each other. i don't think he ever noticed me though. i could have said something of course but i didn't know what to say. i guess if i had thought of it i could have planned a conversation opener but i thought of that Sunday morning and by then i was too exhausted to care. even though Sunday i still strategically planned by exit from the barn to look for him.

you might be telling me to get over myself and to stop following around boys like a little puppy dog. (Cute Puppy Girl Follows Boy She Calls Cute). but it's not like that. it sort of gave me something to do, look forward to, or else regionals would have been a complete drag. honestly. it gave me something to look out for during those walks from the bathroom, to the barn, to the camper, and back again. it gave me something to think and fantasize about. maybe it doesn't make sense to guys but i'm a girl. maybe it doesn't make sense to girls but i'm me.

Saturday i was walking with Maura and we walked by him sitting with a bunch of people. they were laughing and talking. see he has friends. or maybe he was the outsider of that group. i have no idea. i probably never will but that's that.

i'm watching Karate Kid 2 now. so i'm a bit distracted now. but i will continue onwards. it's 7:04pm now.

so you may wonder...i started that sentenced that i got distracted by the most wonderful scene ever. this is the best movie ever. we just started it.

Maeve is scoping herself some ice cream now so i have time for a second. it's 7:39pm. anyways most guys my age at a horse show are either there before of their girlfriend or have a sister in the show. so pretty much there aren't any. if a guy wants to find himself a girl i would recommend a horse show. but that's kind of weird to say. so don't do that.

anyways i'm not sure what else to say. oh. i forgot to say when I first took an interest in Brian (hahaha. that sounds so funny) i thought he was like a senior and next year he would be going to college and i would never see him again. it turned out that wonderful show program i can't find has a big list of all the competitors. this big list is in numerical order so when you go down to number 144 it will have the correct spelling of Brian's name along with his horse's name: What a Foxy Blonde. He has such a beautiful horse. a palomino with a beautiful coat and beautiful white mane and tail. absolutely gorgeous horses. and I love her name. I wonder what they call her around the barn but I love her show name. anyways after his horse's name is his division, Western Senior, and then guess what is next? his birthday. i just looked at the year first and guess what year he was born in. 1994. yes the same year as me. now guess what day of the month he was born on. the 27th. yes the same day of the month as me. now guess what month he was born in. April. nope not the same month as me. in that wonderful show program it said 4/27/94. of course now i am second guessing myself. maybe it was actually 3/27/94. but i'm pretty sure it was April. but anyways that means he would be in my grade. that would mean if he lived in the five towns that goes to HRHS he could be in my class. but he lives in Middlesex County (yes that is Middlesex, you get over it pretty quickly). he doesn't come to the horse shows i go to. maybe i should take a trip up to Middlesex. probably not.

his brother, Kyle, i think is pretty cute too but he is too young. he would be good for Maeve. he is an amazing gymkhana rider. gymkhana is all about speed. you have to do something as quick as possible. some of those horses rip down that ring. he rips the fastest. really. he is so good. i would have loved to see him compete this year. but i overheard when we were both waiting for our food at the food booth that he left Saturday night for some reason and because of that he couldn't compete the next day. then later when i was loading up the trailer and they were announcing the winners for some of the gymkhana events and he asked a lady "do you think i would have beat them?" and she replied "without a doubt".

i had heard of Kyle and his sister before but i didn't know that they had an older brother. now i have something to look forward to next regionals. maybe then we will have some ribbons to show off even though ribbons aren't important or anything.

now i need to get back to the movie. Danielson is about to break through six sheets of ice, Mr. Miyagi bet $600 on it. it's intense. and he did it! whoohooo! i told you this movie is absolutely amazing.

i think that is all i have to talk about now. OH! i forgot the Edmonds/Edmands/Enmends/Edmunds's amazing three wheeled bike. honestly it is so awesome. i was debating steeling it. that would have made a good conversation when they find their bike in my barn. but you know. 4H is like high school, you don't go out of your way to talk to someone new. you stick with your friends. everyone wants you to stay with the people you already know too. mixing is not good. or at least that is what it feels like to me.

alright this blog has been going on way too long. i talked about my five guys. i could have talked about another one, Chris Koch, and how i missed out seeing him and the rest of the baby group because i was at the horse show. i was about to head over there but Avery called me and said that they were leaving around 2, they knew i wasn't going to get there until after 2. well that is because they had it at Puffer's Pond and that place is kind of boring and they had been there since 10 in the morning. i can't blame them for wanting to leave. but it was kind of sad seeing the pictures without me in them. and plus Chris had to leave early anyways so i wouldn't have saw him. instead i wrote this blog and now i'm watching the second Karate Kid.

isn't it strange how i spent all weekend thinking about this guy, Brian, but in a week i probably won't think about him at all. i don't really like that. maybe that is part of the reason why i like this blog and i like the idea of it getting published. so that way one day Brian will look at this and say "Wow. Remember when I was 16? There was this girl who thought I was cute and spent all weekend looking for me wherever she went. If I had known that, my life would have been so much better." Well I added in that last part. But still. just knowing that maybe one day Brian and everyone else will read this and know what i think. Like a big "ha, my life and thoughts didn't matter much then but look at them now, everyone's reading them". well maybe. that would be cool if that really happened.

now i really need to watch The Karate Kid 2, it's getting even more intense. Mr. Miyagi is going to fight is old buddy, new rival. well i guess they have been "rivals" for 45 years but before that they were buddies. but it's a fight until the death type of fight. so so so intense. you need to watch this movie. the beginning is the best though. hopefully Mr. Miyagi doesn't die. well it was made in the 80s so probably no one will die. now i need to watch it. i am saying it is a wonderful movie but my family isn't believing me because i am typing this. they probably won't remember they even said anything like that when they read this. but the words "that's why she is watching it so intently" were spoken sarcastically.

now i really need to stop. this is getting a little out of control. i guess it was because i haven't posted in a while. now i leave. it's 8:32. maybe i will find one of those programs eventually.

edit: just so you know without these words this post is 2815 words without this words. I started the post at 4:51pm and it's 8:37pm. almost 4 hours. but i didn't write consistently for those 4 hours. i can write that much in a little over an hour.

now there is a huge storm in the Karate Kid. they just saved the buddy/enemy and now Daniel is saving a girl and this other guy is saying he cannot help Daniel. Daniel is going to rescue the girl though, i can tell. even though it looks like they are going to die now. i have to go. too intense. 2924.

today I learned that the original Karate Kid is better than the new one and how to drive. or at least start to learn how to drive.