hi. i got accepted to go to China in the fall. so i am going to be studying in Shanghai from August 31st to December 14th. woooo. i'm excited. Roxy is going! and then the kids on BRIC are coming so i can't wait to see them as well. ah it's just going to be so good, so so good! i'm going to miss my family a lot but i feel like i'm sort of at that point of my life where i just have to do what is right for me even if that means not seeing my family. i have to go out and be myself and see things and figure out this world.

but what else. i hate myself for driving myself crazy thinking about hanson who isn't even that attractive but someone wedged it into my head that he is very good looking and we would look very good together and that he is a good kid and blah. i hate myself. no i don't actually. but i hate that my brain will obsess over someone. like i want to go to trim just in case he is there. every time i leave my dorm i am looking around for him. like what the hell, molly? you have barely talked to him. you had no idea if he is interested in your at all. you are just some random girl who has a lot of classes with him. like he probably thinks nothing of you. he probably has a girlfriend. or likes some other girl. and most definitely he doesn't give a damn about me.

but i do this thing where i am like...what if? and i want to talk to him. and it would be fine if i only thought about it when he was around. like i saw him and was like...oh let me go talk to him. not me sitting here writing a stupid blog post about him. it is so stupid.

and like i've said before i don't even want a boyfriend. okay molly, let's stop lying to yourself right now. i would love to have a boyfriend. but it would be a ton of work and it doesn't make sense to have one. but i want a boyfriend where things don't make sense and it's just crazy and even though everything says we won't make it and won't stay together...we do. we will work like hell on it but we will love it and we will want to. and that's what i want. it's just hard to find that so i am not really looking, also because i don't really need it.

plus it is fun to be single in new places sometimes. but it is also fun to show your boyfriend around your new home.

i really need to stop thinking about it. but i don't have anything else to really focus on. i had midterms, aced those, plus you get sick of thinking of school. i have to wait to hear back from internships. i really don't have a lot going on that consumes a lot of my thinking.

i guess i will focus on school and being nice and kind and just the most amazing person i can be. and i will try to forget about boys for a bit. good idea.

also, i am working on a project for Taylor Mathews as well. just saying.