it's time for me to start believing the words we say.

so exhausted, i really just want to curl up and go to sleep. instead i go to the barn and then i go and babysit. goodness.

but spain. nice place there, nice place.

someone come help me. it's not even 7 yet and i'm exhausted. i have so much i need to get done. ready?

- scholarship 1
- scholarship 2
- finish reading Animal Dreams
- finish dictionary for Animal Dreams
- start and finish assertions for Animal Dreams
- read Pigs in Heaven
- start writing essay for Spanish
- write 6 pages in my journal for Spanish
- finish this weeks work in VHS
- do next weeks work for VHS
- pack
- eat
- take care of my sick horse
- spend time with my boyfriend before i ditch him for the vacation
- tutor
- babysit
- rehearsal for stage managing

i can't do it. i'm going to go and sleep for a long long long time.

senioritis: really not wanting to do anything

it's so bad.

i feel like if you stop being amazed that you are with a person then it isn't as special. like today i just got a feeling that i couldn't believe i was sitting next to this boy and he just kissed me. like i was so lucky. and he easily could have just walked away and chose someone else, but he picked me. but really its just the feeling when i'm next to him and i'm amazed that we are together. that it works so well. it is amazing. even after almost 11 months, i am still shocked that he likes me the same way i like him and we get along so well. i mean i know him a lot better now and we aren't as awkward, but i am not at the place where i say "we are going to be together forever, we are meant to be, we know everything about each other, it's just natural and normal we're together" because i don't believe that. i literally told him today that i couldn't believe i was over his house right next to him because he wanted me to come over. i still get butterflies when i get close to his house. but yeah.

minus spending time with josh, and helping Zamira and Valentina, and dancing around while babysitting, this week sucked.

breakdown.
two days in a row.

today was a stressful freaking day. too much work. too much to do. no time. caffeine doesn't work. great day.

hi, i am crazy. so crazy. i do way too much.
ready for this?
what i had to do a few weeks ago: work for three honors class, VHS class, 4H, ride Dolly, clean her stall, babysitting
what i have to do now: work for three honors class, VHS class, 4H, ride Dolly, clean her stall, babysitting, stage managing, tutoring, extra 4H meeting, and i feel like i'm forgetting something else.

let me compare last Monday with this Monday:
last Monday:
12:30 to 1:20 - study hall, do most of my homework
1:20 - leave and go ride
4:00 - leave the barn
4:00 to dinnertime - finish homework
dinnertime to bedtime - peruse the internet
this Monday:
12:30 to 2:15 - tutor
2:30 to 5:00 - rehearsal
5:00 to 6:30 - ride
6:00 to now (8:00) - do homework, eat dinner, take a break, and i still have more homework to do

it's all my fault though. i took on tutoring. but I love it so much. I get to work with Zamira and Valentina from Colmbia and they speak Spanish. but they are so nice and so smart and i'm trying to help them with english and they are helping me so much with spanish. it really is so much fun. i was only going to be there for a period then try to ride before rehearsal, but i liked being there so much that i ended up staying for another period.

and for rehearsal today Abby said I didn't have to go, but I feel like I should go to as many as I can because I need to learn what to do and I need to get used to the atmosphere since i feel sort of like an outsider now but soon i will have to be yelling at all of them and know what i'm doing. so i will be there every rehearsal, expect when i have to leave early on Thursdays to babysit.

my schedule is so crazy. i had such an easy senior year up to this point, now I'm like...yeah the rest of the year was too early, pile it on. oh i remember what i forgot: New Moon Girls Sister to Sister thing i'm doing, Spain trip soon, then finals, prom

oh i'm so excited for prom. ha. that's really funny because two days ago I was not even close to being excited about prom, i was dreading it. but i love my dress. i tried it on again yesterday when i got home and it makes me feel pretty and beautiful and sexy and attractive and happy. so yeah that's what i like it. so now i can't wait until prom. another month and a few days. and oh after prom i have the horse show that i'm running. well it's the whole club running, but i said i would assign people jobs and stuff. so essentially i'm running it since i have to make sure they are doing their jobs. and oh i need to read two novels for english then write and essay on them and the other one i read in a little more than a month, and we have an essay in spanish. so crazy, so crazy.

so i finally got my prom dress. and i didn't think i was going to go for a sequin dress...but i did. it was between that one and a dark purply one, but the other one was too dark for prom i think. but it did make me look tiny, but it was also a bit hard to breathe. but yeah i got it. and i like it. i just didn't want to spend forever trying on dresses so i got it in the first store i went to and that was that. now just like a month and it will be prom. and yeah it should go well. and oh i love the earrings i got to go with it!